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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Selling his gift

192 replies

Emstar444 · 23/04/2024 09:07

So, aibu? My partner decided that after I had scrimped and saved to buy him a gift he had asked for, to sell it on ebay, along with another gift I had purchased at his request for him. It wasn't due to fit or anything like that, he just decided to, and I quote 'get some money for them'. What they have sold for is far below what I paid for them, even though he knows how hard I struggled to get the money together to buy the things he wanted. Am I being unreasonable to feel miffed about this?

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 23/04/2024 15:12

Ask for them back. And don’t buy anything again for him.

DrJoanAllenby · 23/04/2024 15:13

Emstar444 · 23/04/2024 10:05

So the gifts were on ebay within a couple of weeks of him receiving them.
He doesn't see anything wrong with this and doesn't think I should be upset about it.
We don't live together and have been in relationship for less than a year. These were gifts for his birthday that he had specifically said he wanted, used once, then sold for about half of what I paid for them. They were a personal care item that he specifically wanted, and some designer clothing.

Dump him.

Nothing else needs to be said.

Peachy2005 · 23/04/2024 15:18

It sounds like something out of the Andrew Tate school of how to treat women… I would run a mile!

yellowlupins · 23/04/2024 16:37

The people who think this is fine, and would do so themselves are perfectly reasonable and within their rights, but they are best partnered up together.
Then they can be as calculating and rational as they like. They might even admire this in each other and see it as a strength in character but I'm not sure, possibly they would be the sort of people who make exceptions for themselves, but no one else.

MissMogwai · 23/04/2024 16:40

He asked for expensive things and then sold them? Nah, he's seen you coming there OP.

I nearly said don't buy him anything in future but actually I'd just dump him.

AstralSpace · 23/04/2024 16:42

That's a really disrespectful thing to do and shows he couldn't care less about you or the effort you put into the gift.
Look at your relationship and you'll see other ways that he's treated you badly that you've probably excused.

You shouldn't stay with him. Find someone better.

Nanny0gg · 23/04/2024 16:52

Emstar444 · 23/04/2024 10:05

So the gifts were on ebay within a couple of weeks of him receiving them.
He doesn't see anything wrong with this and doesn't think I should be upset about it.
We don't live together and have been in relationship for less than a year. These were gifts for his birthday that he had specifically said he wanted, used once, then sold for about half of what I paid for them. They were a personal care item that he specifically wanted, and some designer clothing.

He's treating you and your gifts with contempt.

Dump him

penjil · 23/04/2024 17:05

I'd be furious and would really reconsider the relationship.

It's very disrespectful towards you.

whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 23/04/2024 17:08

I'd be absolutely fuming.

zingally · 23/04/2024 17:20

Just think of all the money you'll save by never having to buy the useless twat a gift ever again!

Noyesnoyes · 23/04/2024 17:27

This is so odd! Is it some sort of test for you?

NiceDay2024 · 23/04/2024 17:33

What did he get you for Christmas and your birthday?

How would he feel if you said you were selling the presents he got you?

Needmorelego · 23/04/2024 17:34

I am surprised that's almost everyone on here is instantly going for "what a bastard" or "he conned you" etc when it could actually be very simple :
The designer clothes didn't fit properly or suit him and he realised he will never wear them so he sold them on.
The personal care item wasn't what he expected it to be and he realised he will never use it so he sold it on.
Don't people do that all the time. I mean how many women sell "brand new with labels" clothes on vinted? Loads do.

TheFormidableMrsC · 23/04/2024 17:36

Needmorelego · 23/04/2024 17:34

I am surprised that's almost everyone on here is instantly going for "what a bastard" or "he conned you" etc when it could actually be very simple :
The designer clothes didn't fit properly or suit him and he realised he will never wear them so he sold them on.
The personal care item wasn't what he expected it to be and he realised he will never use it so he sold it on.
Don't people do that all the time. I mean how many women sell "brand new with labels" clothes on vinted? Loads do.

It's wasn't this situation though, was it? He specifically asked for the items, knew OP had to scrimp to buy them but showed utter contempt for her efforts.

OP this would give me the ick on a epic scale. I'd end the relationship to be honest.

BusyMum47 · 23/04/2024 17:37

Yes, you're unreasonable to ONLY be 'miffed' - I'd be downright bloody FURIOUS!! What a selfish, ungrateful twat!!

BusyMum47 · 23/04/2024 17:38

Dump him now, before you get properly invested.

vincettenoir · 23/04/2024 17:38

Yeah, I agree that's odd.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/04/2024 18:05

Needmorelego · 23/04/2024 17:34

I am surprised that's almost everyone on here is instantly going for "what a bastard" or "he conned you" etc when it could actually be very simple :
The designer clothes didn't fit properly or suit him and he realised he will never wear them so he sold them on.
The personal care item wasn't what he expected it to be and he realised he will never use it so he sold it on.
Don't people do that all the time. I mean how many women sell "brand new with labels" clothes on vinted? Loads do.

Clothes that don't fit can easily be returned. OP might have been able to get refunds. He made a point of telling her he'd sold them on. "To get some money for them."

Catopia · 23/04/2024 18:17

I'm not usually this person, but ditch him. He's an unappreciative selfish AH who does not deserve you and the effort you are putting in to try to make him happy.

Needmorelego · 23/04/2024 19:07

@TheFormidableMrsC @DuckbilledSplatterPuff we only know one side of this story though. A lot of people don't bother with returning products and just sell on or give away when they don't want/need/have finished with something.
The issue here really is the cost. I assume the boyfriend has at least a vague idea of the OPs finances - how much she earns etc so shouldn't have requested such expensive items (as she had to scrimp and save) but she also should have said "sorry buts that's beyond my budget - any other things you might like?"
Communication is the key issue in this relationship by the sound of it.
@Emstar444 have you actually told him how it's made you feel?

dragonscannotswim · 23/04/2024 19:13

YANBU at all. He is BVU. What an awful - and bizarre - thing to do.

What's your relationship usually like? What kind of effort did he make for your birthday?

walnutcoffeecake · 23/04/2024 20:22

If you give or gift something to someone even if they asked for it then its theirs.
So they can do what they want with it.
Learn from it and stop buying him things.
Its like them post that we read on MN gave it away for free then see it up for sale the next day.
Learn from it stop it simple.

FairFuming · 23/04/2024 20:55

You should not be with someone who deliberately asks for things he knows you can't easily afford especially if he then discards them like this afterwards

ohthejoys21 · 23/04/2024 23:19

So rude.

FeatheryStroker · 23/04/2024 23:23

I also agree with @KreedKafer. He's done this purposefully to see what he can get you to do.