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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Selling his gift

192 replies

Emstar444 · 23/04/2024 09:07

So, aibu? My partner decided that after I had scrimped and saved to buy him a gift he had asked for, to sell it on ebay, along with another gift I had purchased at his request for him. It wasn't due to fit or anything like that, he just decided to, and I quote 'get some money for them'. What they have sold for is far below what I paid for them, even though he knows how hard I struggled to get the money together to buy the things he wanted. Am I being unreasonable to feel miffed about this?

OP posts:
Bigcat25 · 23/04/2024 23:24

I would dump him for sure! Demonstrates poor integrity and judgement, as well as being super rude and disrespectful to you. You should get the money back that he sold them for.

Diplidocus4 · 24/04/2024 06:47

If he doesn't like it and won't use it then it's a choice of give away / freecycle / charity shop or sell ?
I have loads of things ready for selling but never seem to get around to it !

Also - what gifts does he buy for you ?

User56785 · 24/04/2024 07:17

Diplidocus4 · 24/04/2024 06:47

If he doesn't like it and won't use it then it's a choice of give away / freecycle / charity shop or sell ?
I have loads of things ready for selling but never seem to get around to it !

Also - what gifts does he buy for you ?

So what you do is ask people for specific gifts, specific expensive gifts then as soon as you get them decide that you don't like it or you won't use it and then sell it within two weeks?

That's what has happened here.

That's not normal behaviour. Most people don't do that.

Penguinmouse · 24/04/2024 07:19

Emstar444 · 23/04/2024 10:05

So the gifts were on ebay within a couple of weeks of him receiving them.
He doesn't see anything wrong with this and doesn't think I should be upset about it.
We don't live together and have been in relationship for less than a year. These were gifts for his birthday that he had specifically said he wanted, used once, then sold for about half of what I paid for them. They were a personal care item that he specifically wanted, and some designer clothing.

Bizarre thing to do. I’d save your money and ditch him

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 24/04/2024 07:23

He is an unpleasant man and it looks like he is testing how far he can push you. Maybe not even consciously but on some level he gets off on knowing he can diminish you and use you. The thing is unless you decide to not take shit like this and say so or just plain dump him, you’ll do it again and he will do it again. And if it’s not quite this it’ll be something else to undermine you.
Awful creep of a man. It may seem insignificant but there’s something deeply unpleasant about it

Downinloco · 24/04/2024 07:29

KreedKafer · 23/04/2024 10:27

He's done this deliberately to mess with your head.

He's getting a thrill out of hurting/humiliating you. He asked you to buy him things he knew you couldn't easily afford, just to see how far you'd go to please him, and now he's humiliating you on purpose by showing you he doesn't care, and gaslighting you by telling you this is normal.

This isn't just someone being a bit thoughtless. He knows exactly what he's doing.

Honestly, you've been with this man for less than a year and he's showing you who he really is. Please end this relationship.

Show quote history

Exactly my thoughts.
Abusive, controlling behaviour - red flags and testing the water with you.
Run for the hills.

AlanBrendaCelia · 24/04/2024 08:26

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/04/2024 10:31

IF you stay with this charmer, I'm on team 'get him a small bar of chocolate for any future gift'.

Preferably supermarket own-brand, not Cadbury!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 24/04/2024 11:47

Needmorelego · 23/04/2024 11:24

He wanted specific items.
He used/tried them.
Realised they weren't for him so sold them on.

To be fair I wouldn't have an issue with that. I'd prefer that to the items sitting in the back of the cupboard gathering dust.
The issue is the "scrimping and saving". Never do that. Only spend what you can afford.
"What would you like for your birthday? My budget is £20" should be said whether it's your boyfriend, mother or child.
Only ever spend what you can afford.

No, telling her or anyone he has stuck a generous gift on what is beyond rude. There's something seriously wrong and chilling here.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 24/04/2024 11:48

@KreedKafer is right here. Please heed this warning op

Needmorelego · 24/04/2024 14:53

@Unexpectedlysinglemum well the OP hasn't come back and said what happened after she talked to him about it (if she even did).
He may be genuine in not realising this has upset her.
Yet another Mumsnet relationship where there needs to be some actual communication between them....tbh.

OhcantthInkofaname · 24/04/2024 18:42

Your next gift to him should be a gift certificate to ebay.

Topsyturveymam · 24/04/2024 18:49

I’d be absolutely livid!! No more presents from me. What a nerve!

Bartonzam · 24/04/2024 19:00

Bang out of order and quite rightly you feel miffed. He sounds like an ungrateful twat. This will only get worse. Bin him op. He’s not worth it.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 24/04/2024 20:10

Needmorelego · 23/04/2024 19:07

@TheFormidableMrsC @DuckbilledSplatterPuff we only know one side of this story though. A lot of people don't bother with returning products and just sell on or give away when they don't want/need/have finished with something.
The issue here really is the cost. I assume the boyfriend has at least a vague idea of the OPs finances - how much she earns etc so shouldn't have requested such expensive items (as she had to scrimp and save) but she also should have said "sorry buts that's beyond my budget - any other things you might like?"
Communication is the key issue in this relationship by the sound of it.
@Emstar444 have you actually told him how it's made you feel?

I agree with your point about communication.

But I think the suspicion here is that he asked her to buy him expensive gifts which he immediately sold for the cash.

Efrogwraig · 24/04/2024 20:12

Red flags. Leave.

cheddercherry · 24/04/2024 20:15

Sounds like a power play “I don’t need to work for this but I’m gonna push you to the brink to get it for me and then toss it back” - not an attractive way to treat your partner to put it mildly. It’s been about a year…. Surely it doesn’t get that shit that fast? Find someone who appreciates you.

Nevermind31 · 24/04/2024 20:18

Emstar444 · 23/04/2024 10:08

Also to add, he has absolutely no money worries whatsoever, so he didn't need the money from them

Is this some sort of power play to see if he can get you to do things, then show you he doesn’t value them?
if you stay in a relationship- please buy him gifts you can afford. How thoughtless of him to ask for something you can’t afford.
id he worth it?

Thistlewoman · 24/04/2024 21:59

Dump him now. He is a selfish man-baby.

Thistlewoman · 24/04/2024 22:01

Definitely bin him.

CatchHimDerry · 24/04/2024 22:34

Agree with others. I hd one similar to this when I was a teenager and didn’t know better… He’s fit only for the bin 🗑️

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/04/2024 01:19

Emstar444 · 23/04/2024 10:05

So the gifts were on ebay within a couple of weeks of him receiving them.
He doesn't see anything wrong with this and doesn't think I should be upset about it.
We don't live together and have been in relationship for less than a year. These were gifts for his birthday that he had specifically said he wanted, used once, then sold for about half of what I paid for them. They were a personal care item that he specifically wanted, and some designer clothing.

Don't waste any more of your time on this man. Dump, dump, dump.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/04/2024 01:21

Oh, and @KreedKafer is spot on.

utilitarianism · 25/04/2024 01:24

Time to leave this guy. He's no good.

Newestname002 · 25/04/2024 02:33

@Emstar444

So the gifts were on ebay within a couple of weeks of him receiving them.

That's incredibly rude and grasping of him. Next time make a lot less effort and, when he asks for something special youd need to work hard to afford say "sorry I just can't afford that" and, if you buy anything, buy something much smaller and easily within your budget

What does he get you? If nothing, that's what you should get him... 🌹

what2dooooooo · 25/04/2024 03:53

I'd be upset.

In future, if he asks for a specific gift then don't buy it. Instead stick 50% of the value in a card in cash. Tell him you're saving both yourself and him time as you didn't have to go and buy it and he doesn't have to sell it.

Win win!