To allow DSC to call me mummy.

[Chaosandcuddles22]

I am likely to be absolutely flamed.
DSC has been living with me full time 95 percent of their life ( now year 1 at school)
for reasons they are now solely in my custody and that will not change. Their dad is no longer around and courts granted me parental responsibility and and live in order.
they know their bio mum and know I am not their bio mum but for many reasons they only see each-other 2-3 times a year now in a contact centre ( should be more )
they Have 1 bio sibling in the home and one non bio sibling. We run day to day like any other family and all children are treated the same
they do however have free contact with bio mums extended family something that I have always facilitated.
recently especially around bed time or even they are talking to others they have referred. to me as “ mummy or mum “
i used to correct them and their little face would look disheartened this was the wish of the extended family. I have spoken to DSC about the situation in a child friendly way but they want to refer to me like the other children in the house including his sibling. I have no issues of course and they will always be included in the same way for example if someone asks me how many children I have I will say 3.
I don’t know how to sensitively handle the situation.

Could you be "mummy chaos". To differentiate from biomum. You sound more than stepmum

Ah not at all, you're the only mummy they've known.

In your circumstances I honestly think it's fine. You aren't trying to hide anything from them or pretend. For all practical purposes you are their mum.

You are mum to them. If they want to call you mum and you don't mind, let them.

Considering you are that child's only full time parent I think it's more than fair they get to call you what they want. Regardless of the reasons of bio mums limited contact every child should be able to call the person that loves and cares for them mummy or daddy. I don't think extended family get a say at this point either.

Other family members are prioritising their desires over the child's need to feel secure imo. Let them call you what they like.

Awww let them call you mummy. Sounds like they’ve had a chaotic life at a young age already, and they need a mummy. You’ve earned it OP, and so have they.

You sound lovely. There aren’t many people who would have taken on what you have. The child thinks of you as their mum and you clearly think of them as your child. Unless the extended family actually step in and look after and love the child like you do, they have no say in what the child calls you.

Wishing all of you the very best of luck.

Hi @Chaosandcuddles22

I'm an adoptive mum and now also a foster carer.
My adopted son calls me mum, everyone is well aware there is another mum out there. But I'm the one who is there day in day out. I'm mum.
My foster child who has a very strong attachment to his mum, also calls me mum. Its want he wanted, its what he needs so that's OK with me.
It's a fundamental need for a mummy, you are it. The kids get to call you what they want, it's what they deserve, and its nothing to do with extended family.
It's between you and the children

You are their Mum. DSC should be able to call the woman that is raising them Mum. I expect it's not great mentally for them to not be able to do that. It would be unsettling, they've already effectively lost 2 parents, I expect they need to know you're their Mum to feel secure.

Do what's best for your child, their needs come way before those of extended family. The extended family can but out.

You are their mummy.

Let the child call you mum - you are, In their eyes, mum.

We use 'tummy Mummy' and 'everyday forever Mummy'.

You are their mum. You are the only one who is stepping up to look after them, and you will be the o my constant carer they ever know. You have every right to the title mum in these circumstances and they want to call you that because that's what you are. Their full time mum.

All things considered OP you are their mum!

Let them call you mum, no one else's feelings matter. I know it's a different situation but I adopted my ds aged 3 and the first time he ever met me he called me mum, even though he wasn't supposed to (according to the social worker), it made him happy and that was all that mattered. You sound like a wonderful mum.

Poor wee soul - thank f*ck they have you. You are their mum, in every way that actually matters

You've got full custody and they have siblings in the house. Yes, let them call you Mummy.

Thank you. It makes me smile so much they do because they honestly are equally as loved and as important. I love them that same way you know where your heart breaks that they are hurting. I will speak to them tomorrow.

If anyone deserves the title of ‘Mum’ it’s certainly you! You sound lovely

Wow Chaos, you've choked me up. What an amazing woman and mummy you are. Your child is so lucky to have you x

Ignore the extended families wishes, their opinions are not important in this.

Your DSC needs this ❤️

The rejection they show in their faces when you say not to call you mummy shows how important it is that they do.

@Chaosandcuddles22

you ARE Mum. In every way that counts you are MUM!

if extended family don't like it, tough. None of them stepped up to look after the child/children.

keep an eye on the relationships because if they're undermining you etc. contact may nt be in the child's best interest.

when you talk to them tomorrow, don't say you're going to let them call you mum, tell them you're very very happy that you are their mum!! 💕and NO ONE. Can tell them you aren't!

They have been through a lot, losing their dad and gaining a new sibling in very close timing. I think at this point they just want security. It’s just so hard to navigate sometimes and you never know if you’re doing the right things.