To allow DSC to call me mummy.

[Chaosandcuddles22]

I am likely to be absolutely flamed.
DSC has been living with me full time 95 percent of their life ( now year 1 at school)
for reasons they are now solely in my custody and that will not change. Their dad is no longer around and courts granted me parental responsibility and and live in order.
they know their bio mum and know I am not their bio mum but for many reasons they only see each-other 2-3 times a year now in a contact centre ( should be more )
they Have 1 bio sibling in the home and one non bio sibling. We run day to day like any other family and all children are treated the same
they do however have free contact with bio mums extended family something that I have always facilitated.
recently especially around bed time or even they are talking to others they have referred. to me as “ mummy or mum “
i used to correct them and their little face would look disheartened this was the wish of the extended family. I have spoken to DSC about the situation in a child friendly way but they want to refer to me like the other children in the house including his sibling. I have no issues of course and they will always be included in the same way for example if someone asks me how many children I have I will say 3.
I don’t know how to sensitively handle the situation.

When kids tell us what they want to call us, especially when they’ve been through a lot, we should listen in my opinion. Those kids are telling you who you are, accept and embrace it

You are their mum!

You are their Mum, and I have something in my eye!
If you’re uncomfortable could you add your initial to the end of Mummy?

The wishes of the child are what’s important here. You have custody so that changes matters. You’re equivalent to an adoptive mother, who would be called Mum.

I don’t feel uncomfortable at all, I don’t wake up in the morning and think “ better get my kids and “ Ben “ up for school. It’s I better get up and get my kids up.
Hope that makes sense 😂

Sorry I quoted the wrong comment then !

I guess I meant more in terms of their extended family, sorry I wasn’t clear

This warms my heart, the world is lucky to have people like you OP. I would also let them call you mum, you have earned that title. You are their stability and the one who clearly feels their pain, you’re definitely the mum.

Mummy chaos is horrendous and id definitely not recommend this. You sound wonderful and children clearly see you as mum and you are being a mum to them. I would allow kids to make that call and if they call you mum then accept it and don't correct them. The children are blessed to have you and clearly want to call you mum.

Apologies i hadnt read user name and hence why i said dont usr mummy chaos as hadnt realised it was your username and instead thought someone recommended a mummy term i.e. im mummy chaos. Sorry (embarrased)

You're their mum. Someone else is their 'tummy mum.'

And sometimes contact with bio mum is only 2/3 times a year for very good reasons. Look into research about assessing parental contact and frequency. More than 2/3 might be really disruptive and harmful to a child.

We foster long term. Some of them have referred to us as mum and dad, we are obviously not, and its not why we foster.
We spoke to the sw who pointed out it was a need of the child. Especially when out and about they don't want to stand out and kids have said 'why do you call uour mum mama2many73? They then have an explanation to give (think about explaining why you don't live with either psrent).

Your situation is slightly different because you ARE his mum, he has Siblings who call you mum, and your role to him is the same as your role to them. He knows his mum but you are his safe place in what has obviously been a traumatic 5yrs for him. If you are comfortable with it, please let him call you mum.
It's the need of the child you are supporting x

Really? When they're talking to/about you they call you "every day forever Mummy?"

OP when you say they have a bio sibling in the house, do you mean a full sibling? If so, what do they call you?

You are his mum! I'm sure most adopted children call their adopted mums 'mum' because they don't (or rarely) see their bio mum. I think it would be lovely if you one day formally adopted him.

In your situation it's absolutely fine. Everyone knows the score. There's no pretence. Just carry on.

Just wanted to agree with everyone else. You are wonderful and you are very much their mummy

If you’re the poster I think you then you are absolutely that child’s Mummy!

You deserve that title more than anyone else in that childs life!

Your children’s wishes come first on this. You’re his mum and he wants to call you that. He just wants normality. The extended family are thinking about their needs, not his.

Just to echo the posts, let them call you what they want. It may evolve over time too so let them know you're delighted to be mum but also if they want to call you something else at a later point that would be OK too.
Thank you for caring for these kids

You sound absolutely lovely. I’m not surprised they want to call you mum. You’ve been very honest with them about the situation with their own parents so I don’t think you letting them do this will cause them any confusion.

let them and best of luck to you and your family

You absolutely are his Mum.

We know a lovely boy who is looked after by his DGM. He does see his DM but very much on her terms.

He went through a phase of calling his DGM Mum, he knew she isn't because he sees his birth Mum but his DGM is the one who has looked after him from a very young age. He's stopped now he's an older term but calling her Mum was so very important for him at the time.

Your little DS is indicating their need for you. The bio family is not providing a parent and it could have a detrimental effect on little on to make this distinction at such a young age. You be Mummy and bio Mum can be Mum Kate (name).

Calling you Mum will give the child stability and security. Children who have suffered these losses need to feel claimed / that they belong in their new family

I think it's absolutely fine, on the basis that child knows their birth history / who their birth mother is

You could explain to extended family that this is about the child feeling secure of your commitment and the childs role in your family, not you seeking to erase birth mother and pretend she doesn't exist. Also, some children have siblings /some don't, some have 1 Granny / some have 2, some have 2 Dads. Families come in all shapes and sizes nowadays

And, kids like to fit in. At school / in the playground, they don't want to share their story before they're ready. This is the child's story to tell and they shouldn't be forced to do that. Dressing it up as a privacy issue might be more palatable to the birth family

OP, you ARE their Mum, I don't believe extended family with m8nimal contact get to dictate what your children refer to you as.

They are truly.blessed to have you.