To allow DSC to call me mummy.

[Chaosandcuddles22]

I am likely to be absolutely flamed.
DSC has been living with me full time 95 percent of their life ( now year 1 at school)
for reasons they are now solely in my custody and that will not change. Their dad is no longer around and courts granted me parental responsibility and and live in order.
they know their bio mum and know I am not their bio mum but for many reasons they only see each-other 2-3 times a year now in a contact centre ( should be more )
they Have 1 bio sibling in the home and one non bio sibling. We run day to day like any other family and all children are treated the same
they do however have free contact with bio mums extended family something that I have always facilitated.
recently especially around bed time or even they are talking to others they have referred. to me as “ mummy or mum “
i used to correct them and their little face would look disheartened this was the wish of the extended family. I have spoken to DSC about the situation in a child friendly way but they want to refer to me like the other children in the house including his sibling. I have no issues of course and they will always be included in the same way for example if someone asks me how many children I have I will say 3.
I don’t know how to sensitively handle the situation.

That's a bit much... Are you an adoptive parent? I am and would never other my child that way. I'm just Mum.

Op you are amazing. Let him call you Mum. You are Mum. 💝

You don't have to be a child's mother to be their mum.

You are the only mum they have that they can rely on. That's what being a mum is all about. Be it adoptive, foster or whatever.

Thanks everyone, the other 2 are going to go to my friends after school and I’m going to take DSC for a cheeky take out meal at their fav place and have a chat.

As they have instigated it absolutely let them call you mum, you are the only and best mum figure in their lives and you sound really lovely, they're lucky to have you. If anyone has any issue then you can just say "X asked to call me mum, considering what they have been through I want to be supportive and allow them to call me what they feel comfortable with."

I clarified later in the thread but not exactly adoptive parents; kinship carers so that was a way of explaining why there is another woman called Mum who she visits but doesn't live with. It's all good now, she tends to call us her Nans in most situations but not bother contradicting people in shops for example.

But to all intents and purposes it doesn't seem like the Bio mum is in the picture much at all
You wouldn't tellan adoptive mother that the Bio mum is still mum.so why is the situation any different ?

OP, it's fine and it's lovely. Let them call you what they want to call you.

FWIW, I am a step mum to 2 twin boys. They are now 17. I've been with them since they were 3. Their mum abandoned them aged 1. Never to be seen or heard from again. Ever.

It's been me, them and their dad for 14 years now.

There was a time when they started to call me mum around 6/7. One much more than the other. They always knew I wasn't their real mum.

They had previously called me by my real name ever since I met them. It's like they were trialling out saying "mum".

After a while they stopped as they were too used to calling me by my real name.

I would've felt fine them calling me mum given the circumstance.

As you are their legal guardian and the one constant in their life, to me it certainly is FINE for them to be calling you mum.

Bless you all xx

I think you deserve the title of Mummy to this child. You have looked after and treated them like your own. You have been wonderful to them and they see you as Mummy. I think its lovely. go with it, embrace it and most importantly, enjoy it ❤

That’s adorable 😍

This is totally different circumstances to the usual 'stepmum' setup and in my opinion if you're living and fulfilling the role of 'Mummy' then your children absolutely can and should call you that. It's not like they really have anyone else who is that person for them.

I agree with all the other posters. It's not about them calling you Mum. You ARE their Mum. Mum isn't just the person that birthed you. A Mum is who nurtures you and brings you up.

I wouldn't go with the Mummy Chaos option. You are Mum. Let them call their bio Mum "Mummy Claire" for example to differentiate.

I understand it's difficult for bio mum's extended family to see someone else bringing up their relative's children, but you've been far more of a mother to them than their real mum.

You're right that it's about stability and security for the children and every child deserves to be brought up in a home with a Mum or Dad that love them.

You sound like a brilliant Mum OP and I'm sorry you've had to go through so much.

You're his Mum so let him call you that

You sound wonderful. Them calling you mum does not displace the status of their other mum. Some kids have two mums to start with anyway. I call my MIL mum. I just fell into it naturally when my FIL was dying and we were spending a lot of time together. It doesn't make my own mum any less my mum.

Surely the needs of the child come before the wishes of extended bio family? Your little one has been through a lot and wants the security of calling you mummy. You are the primary caregiver and the other children in the house call you mum so it seems quite understandable that he/she would too. I would absolutely let them call you mummy 💐

So you have been granted parental responsibility for your ex partner's child, and you care for him as though he were your own despite no longer being in a relationship with his father. You are amazing and have more than earned the title of Mum.
Would you be allowed to adopt this child in due course OP? I really hope so.

You are their mum. Your children's emotional security is far more important than extended family members being kept comfortable, they're not raising your children so they don't really get to have a say so.
You're a great mum, allow each child to have the normality and comfort of calling you mum 💕

Yes, agree.

Ah, gotcha. That makes sense. 💐
I'm glad they have you.
I was born into care, no family would take me or my siblings because they didn't want to deal with my bio mom.

Plenty of children have two mums so no reason why this little one shouldn’t.

You will always be his mum. Maybe when he is around his bio family, he could refer to you as ‘Mum Chaos’, so it doesn’t upset them.
You must be so proud.

I'm thinking of the bit in Goodnight Mister Tom when the wee boy calls Mister Tom 'Dad' for the first time. Everyone understands how right that is, and it sounds like 'Mummy' is right for you and your wee one too.

Let them call you MummyChaos.
Tummy mummy is grim to me!

Oh my god OP you ARE their mummy in every way that matters!! Please don't tell that poor little boy that he can't call you mummy like everyone else. He just wants and needs a mum to love and look after him and make him feel safe. You are that person! You do those things for him every single day, please let him use the special word that we have for that special person in a child's life.

You are absolutely their mummy and they should be able to call you that if they want to. You sound amazing.

You could be mummy ,and his real mum be mum
Then there's a distinction