To allow DSC to call me mummy.

[Chaosandcuddles22]

I am likely to be absolutely flamed.
DSC has been living with me full time 95 percent of their life ( now year 1 at school)
for reasons they are now solely in my custody and that will not change. Their dad is no longer around and courts granted me parental responsibility and and live in order.
they know their bio mum and know I am not their bio mum but for many reasons they only see each-other 2-3 times a year now in a contact centre ( should be more )
they Have 1 bio sibling in the home and one non bio sibling. We run day to day like any other family and all children are treated the same
they do however have free contact with bio mums extended family something that I have always facilitated.
recently especially around bed time or even they are talking to others they have referred. to me as “ mummy or mum “
i used to correct them and their little face would look disheartened this was the wish of the extended family. I have spoken to DSC about the situation in a child friendly way but they want to refer to me like the other children in the house including his sibling. I have no issues of course and they will always be included in the same way for example if someone asks me how many children I have I will say 3.
I don’t know how to sensitively handle the situation.

You are their mummy

OP you are this child's mum. And the fact that they're seeking to call you mummy speaks volumes. They know they have a bio mum but you're fulfilling the "mummy" role in every way that counts.

Of course they should call you mum! You’re wonderful.
They will call you “ my mum” if they’re talking about home at school, because you are.

They need a mum who is there for them everyday being mum - and that's you. Kids can have more than one mum for all sorts of reasons. I hope the extended family don't cause you problems over this, they are in the wrong if they do.

I can answer this from personal experience. When small it was an all encompassing consuming wish to have a mum and dad. Every single time a teacher said ‘give it to mum and dad’ it would hurt so deeply that I didn’t have either. Every time a child wanted to hurt you it was always the family situation that was brought up- especially when you don’t have the same name as your ‘parents’ Even the teachers would cross out my ‘parents’ name and say no, that’s not yours to use. Never feeling like you belong anywhere was horrid.

Being able to call someone Mum was HUGE. Your small person obviously feels very loved and safe with you and wants to bestow that on you. You’ve done a fabulous job.

I used to call the cleaning lady 'mummy name' because as I grew up she was the one there emotionally for me and she let me hang out at her house in safety and acceptance. A mum is a woman who meets the needs of a child and makes a child feel safe/loved. You sound like a mum. Not having a good mum hurts that's why week seek out alternatives as children. My daughter is named after my surrogate mum, it would have hurt me a lot if she had told me I can't call her mum

Ignore the opinions of bio mums family - they aren't actually raising these kids and you are!
Do what the children want - you are their only real parent.

he has one older “ step “ sibling
and one younger “ half “ sibling who shares the same dad.
so step sibling obviously calls me mum and the little one is too young to call me anything 😂 but obviously people refer to me as mummy when talking about baby.

You essentially are their mum. Let her call you mum.

YANBU at all in these circumstances!

As long as it’s not forced it’s fine. My eldest (SS) hasn’t seen his bio mum for around 5 years now (his choice). He just refers to her by her first name now.

He doesn’t call me “mum” either but that’s fine, it should be the DCs choice IMO.

Spare pants - no, we borrowed the forever home idea and added in every day when we explained that they grew in X's tummy and visit X, but their home is and will be with us and we look after her every day. They are a grandchild and came up with their own version of the other grandchildren's name for my partner (both female). Sometimes they have called my partner and/or me mum, depending on where we are, like shops, school etc. Hope that clears that up.

You are their mum.of course they can call you mum/mummy .

Effectively you are their mum so why not have them call you mum?

You are their mum, you have full custody and parental responsibility and do everything a mum does. Children don't want to feel othered and they want to belong the same as their siblings and friends and as you are the only mum they know, there is no reason for them not to think of you and call you mum. You are a lovely woman.

You sound fabulous, your DSC are very fortunate to have you. If they’re comfortable calling you mum and you are too then go for it, you’ve earned that right.

The needs of the child are the most important thing here, not the needs of the adults some of whom are obviously crap

If the child names you Mummy, then you are Mummy.

@Chaosandcuddles22 This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. THANK YOU for being the responsible, loving and consistent adult this child so desperately needs in their life. You didn't have to; but you stepped up because you love them like your own, and because it was the right thing to do, and I don't think you know how rare and special that is. They could have ended up in care, or being passed around their extended family; instead they get a loving home, living alongside their siblings. You're a hero.

I think if it doesn't bother you, you should 100% let them call you mummy - it will cement their feeling of belonging and equality in the family, and you have bloody earned it.

Seriously you are wonderful. No doubt they'll give you a hard time at points in the future, as all kids do, but when they are an adult and they can fully appreciate how you stepped up for them, they will feel so so loved.

This.

forget what extended family want. That child is the priority they maybe they are needed to feel like they have a mummy (as bio is obviously not around) they just want to be included and you are their mum

OMG definitely definitely let them call you mum. Come back and tell us their reaction when you tell them xx

It’s fine, you are their mum.

Obviously they also have a birth mother - you can be mum y and she can be mum x. In reality you will likely be just mum and she’ll be mum x.

Kids need a mum, and you are it

You are raising him. You are his mum. You don't have to be special or a good person to get pregnant, being a good mother isn't about birthing a baby. You are, for all intents and purposes, his mum.

Let them call you Mum, because you are their Mum. 💐

It's fine. They want to and that takes priority.

Let them have a mummy, you’re the only reasonable option

They must be longing to call you Mummy, so you should let them do so. For them, it will confirm their place in the family.