To allow DSC to call me mummy.

[Chaosandcuddles22]

I am likely to be absolutely flamed.
DSC has been living with me full time 95 percent of their life ( now year 1 at school)
for reasons they are now solely in my custody and that will not change. Their dad is no longer around and courts granted me parental responsibility and and live in order.
they know their bio mum and know I am not their bio mum but for many reasons they only see each-other 2-3 times a year now in a contact centre ( should be more )
they Have 1 bio sibling in the home and one non bio sibling. We run day to day like any other family and all children are treated the same
they do however have free contact with bio mums extended family something that I have always facilitated.
recently especially around bed time or even they are talking to others they have referred. to me as “ mummy or mum “
i used to correct them and their little face would look disheartened this was the wish of the extended family. I have spoken to DSC about the situation in a child friendly way but they want to refer to me like the other children in the house including his sibling. I have no issues of course and they will always be included in the same way for example if someone asks me how many children I have I will say 3.
I don’t know how to sensitively handle the situation.

You are her mum. You may not have given birth to her but in all the ways that matter she is yours. I understand your reservations though as I also brought up my DSD when her dad left us. When she was older (she's late 30's now), during a conversation about her childhood she said that her calling me mum and me allowing that, made her feel part of a family and that at least 1 adult in her life actually cared about her.

It sounds like for all the important parts you are their mum. I think if they want to call you mum go with it.

Just my own experience, I was raised by a relative - from a very young age. I did see my mum and knew who she was. When I started school I was really sad I didn't have anyone to call mum. She said I could call her mum, it made me feel better. Until another relative (her child) heard me and made me stop which again made me feel like not a real part of the family. I wish I had kept calling her mum it would have made me feel more included.

You are their mum. Let them call you 'mum'. They are lucky to have you.

Of course they should be allowed to call you mummy.

Sounds to me like you are mum in every way that matters and you are being led by the child- let them call you mum/mummy. It sounds like you have been utterly brilliant to me and just the stable influence children need.

The years will fly and you'll be "Bruh" in no time anyway

You are the one who has loved and nurtured this child for a large part of their life. You are their mum. They need the security of being able to call somebody mummy. Is there a chance you could formally adopt?

Have to put the security of the child first, the adults can go do the other thing. Let them call you mummy, after all, you are their primary carer and the person they spend most time with.

What a fabulous lady you are. You have stepped up and are their mum. The Dc have had a rough time and they have chosen to call you mum. A huge thank you from them as they have trusted you and value you. Let them call you mum. You are the only one who deserves the title.

Of course you should be 'mum'. They are lucky to have such a lovely person in their lives.

OP I read the title and my initial thought was no - but under the circumstances I think they should definitely call you Mum. You have earned that title from them! It takes more than genetics to be their Mum! Well done you for being there and giving them what they need! Good luck OP!!

Just wanted to say, I think you are a wonderful human being.

You absolutely allow them to. You've explained biology. They want to call you mum. It's lovely and they need to be able to call you this. Please let them.

For the mumsnet collective (vipers) to agree on anything is incredibly rare.

You are most certainly 'mum'. 💐

I’m welling up here, what a lovely mum you are ! I agree with the majority, they need to call you Mum and you have most certainly earned that title. It’s about your child’s security isn’t it , someone to call Mum .

You are the only one who has stepped up so I would allow them to call you what they want. Don't entertain the extended family's requests, if they want such demands then they should step in.

Let them. You are their mummy for all intents and purposes.

Bio mum's extended family don't get a say.

In the case you have described you are their mother, their primary caretaker so I would not discourage this.

I just wanted to add biology doesn't make you a parent what makes a parent is the one who is there for the child which you are👏

Let him call you mum. It’s lovely that he wants to ♥️

I think being a mum or mummy in their eyes is the role you are playing in their lives. You're not stepmum who they see every other week, you're there for them all the time and you've been the most dependable parent they have.

You would not be unreasonable to allow them to call you mummy and you'd also not be unreasonable to be proud of yourself either.

If your DSC is asking to call you ‘mummy’ and you are happy with it, then let them. It’s unlikely they’ll ever call their bio mum that as it’s as much of an endearment as an acknowledgement of your place as a parent. You’ve earned it. Bio mum hasn’t. If you feel guilty, please don’t, and just let your child (and other children) guide you on this.

My mum remarried when I was 3/4yrs; my bio dad was not in the picture and I always called him ‘daddy’; still call him dad/daddy 50 years later along with my [half]sisters. He’s never treated me or felt differently about me to his bio kids, even after my bio mum was no longer in the picture too. I was always his ‘first’.

Sounds like you are a lovely, loving person and this child is very blessed to have you in their lives.

I overheard my friend call her stepmum 'Mum' - who quickly replied, 'I'm not your mum.' And it broke my heart a little bit.

Well I am no expert, but I've always understood that the underpinning principle in these sort of situations is to centre the child and their needs. They need security and to feel fully part of your family unit and they want to call you Mummy. The extended family may not like it, but frankly, their wishes are a long way down the list of what matters here!
You sound amazing OP. There's obviously been a lot of trauma for your DSC so I am guessing that also means that you have been through a very difficult time, yet it is you who has stepped up and is providing a loving home for the children. Of course you are Mummy. In fact you're Super Mummy.

I'd say to them what could they call me that still sounds special but it's obvious to others who they're talking about
Ie you're mummy but
Bio mum is mum

This