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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH offered EX-wife his jacket

190 replies

adviceaunt · 22/04/2024 16:32

name changed to protect identity, this has been playing on my mind for a while, at a family wedding earlier this year i attended with my DH. his Ex-wfie was also present.

while we were outside standing around waiting for photos, ex-wife who does not have a partner was stood on her own.

my DH went over to her and offered her his jacket as she appeared cold.

a little later when i managed to get him up for a dance he kept glancing over to where she was sitting and i did pull him up saying stop looking at ex-wife. he denied this and said he was keeping an eye on his DS (29) who is single and on his own. i did say, he's a grown adult..

AIBU thinking he should't have done these things?

OP posts:
walnutcoffeecake · 22/04/2024 22:22

adviceaunt · 22/04/2024 22:16

how do i come across as jealous? because ive mentioned he gave her his coat and i thought it just a step too far in being nice?

because she openly accuses me of stealing her man?

my only worry, given that she's clearly harbouring feelings some 21 years now after they divorced is that she sees the jacket offering as a sign?

we've put up with a lot over the past 10 years because of her actions, a family wedding brought us all together, one that i could not get out of.

interesting

Show quote history

calm down Its a coat not an address to a rural hotel.
Did you steal her man we dont know we just hearing your side.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 22/04/2024 22:24

I would not be at all happy with such an intimate gesture.

Original poster
adviceaunt · 22/04/2024 22:26

walnutcoffeecake · 22/04/2024 22:22

calm down Its a coat not an address to a rural hotel.
Did you steal her man we dont know we just hearing your side.

Edited
Show quote history

lol i can assure you, as far as i am aware, unless there is a story i do not know, i did not steal his man.

trust me i'm not worried about any hotel rooms or hanky panky, for 2 reasons, 1) their marrigate was sexless and 2) its been 21 years, he doesnt work like he used too :)

OP posts:
walnutcoffeecake · 22/04/2024 22:29

adviceaunt · 22/04/2024 22:26

lol i can assure you, as far as i am aware, unless there is a story i do not know, i did not steal his man.

trust me i'm not worried about any hotel rooms or hanky panky, for 2 reasons, 1) their marrigate was sexless and 2) its been 21 years, he doesnt work like he used too :)

Show quote history

Dont let jealousy eat you up.

walnutcoffeecake · 22/04/2024 22:31

CinnamonJellyBeans · 22/04/2024 22:24

I would not be at all happy with such an intimate gesture.

Intimate gesture it was a coat not is dick.

puddingisbest · 22/04/2024 22:36

walnutcoffeecake · 22/04/2024 22:31

Intimate gesture it was a coat not is dick.

Edited
Show quote history

😆

Original poster
adviceaunt · 22/04/2024 22:41

ah.. and now we have the imature element of MN coming out of their caves.. this has been facinating...

OP posts:
Bustelo · 22/04/2024 22:43

CinnamonJellyBeans · 22/04/2024 22:24

I would not be at all happy with such an intimate gesture.

Oh behave. The man gave his ex wife his jacket as she was cold, the current wife wasn’t cold hence she didn’t want the jacket. How is being kind being intimate?

MustBeGinOclock · 22/04/2024 22:44

I'd feel uncomfortable with it if I'm honest.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 22/04/2024 22:44

walnutcoffeecake · 22/04/2024 22:31

Intimate gesture it was a coat not is dick.

Edited
Show quote history

I disagree.

He didn't pull out a smelly fishing anorak from his car boot and hand it over.

I'm guessing it was a tailored jacket. It smelled of his good aftershave and was warm from his body and he put it over over her uncovered arms. Then she wore it like a trophy: "he claims me!", as she looked smugly across to the current wife, who was probs feeling a little chilly herself, despite the sensible bolero.

I'm probably exaggerating, but it would give me the rage too. I'm a tough old bird and don't go for that stuff, but I would be upset if my husband did this for another woman who wasn't my mum, or kids.

puddingisbest · 22/04/2024 22:47

This cant be real can it if it is you have trust issues.

Original poster
adviceaunt · 22/04/2024 22:47

CinnamonJellyBeans · 22/04/2024 22:44

I disagree.

He didn't pull out a smelly fishing anorak from his car boot and hand it over.

I'm guessing it was a tailored jacket. It smelled of his good aftershave and was warm from his body and he put it over over her uncovered arms. Then she wore it like a trophy: "he claims me!", as she looked smugly across to the current wife, who was probs feeling a little chilly herself, despite the sensible bolero.

I'm probably exaggerating, but it would give me the rage too. I'm a tough old bird and don't go for that stuff, but I would be upset if my husband did this for another woman who wasn't my mum, or kids.

Show quote history

that was spooky! i was wondering then if you were at the wedding... it's interesting that the opinion is split.. those who get it, get it completely...

but your description summed it up... im not worried about his actions, its how she interpreted them

OP posts:
TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 22/04/2024 22:49

How long were they married?

IAmGrey · 22/04/2024 22:49

Is anyone else trying to work out how they all ended up at a family wedding when OP's DH and his ex don't share children...or do they? I know DSS (the 29yo he was or wasn't staring at) is neither wife's child. I'm so confused.

My DH would definitely have handed over his jacket without a second thought. I couldn't get excited about it unless he didn't get it back.

Original poster
adviceaunt · 22/04/2024 22:50

puddingisbest · 22/04/2024 22:47

This cant be real can it if it is you have trust issues.

there are no trust issues... this thread is peppered with me saying this but i guess no one will believe me.

but by reading some of these replies.. i mentioned about while we were dancing he was looking at her.. now i know they never ever danced, so maybe he wanted her to see him happy and made sure she was looking and taking note.. making sure she knew from the jacket incident earlier that it was nothing but a gesture made in kindness

interesting

OP posts:
Original poster
adviceaunt · 22/04/2024 22:56

IAmGrey · 22/04/2024 22:49

Is anyone else trying to work out how they all ended up at a family wedding when OP's DH and his ex don't share children...or do they? I know DSS (the 29yo he was or wasn't staring at) is neither wife's child. I'm so confused.

My DH would definitely have handed over his jacket without a second thought. I couldn't get excited about it unless he didn't get it back.

we were at his ex's daughters wedding... although they divorced a long time ago, she has always called him dad, and he has always treated her as his daughter. he didnt walk her down the aisle but he did do a father of the bride speech.

i haven't thrown into the mix that his ex wifes first husband (biological dad and wife beater) was also present and that ex wife chose to socialise with him !

its not really important.. like i said a family wedding

the only 'shared child' is her daughter who continued a relationship with her step dad after the divorce and even took his name as soon as she was old enough

oh what a tangled web

OP posts:
Bustelo · 22/04/2024 22:56

CinnamonJellyBeans · 22/04/2024 22:44

I disagree.

He didn't pull out a smelly fishing anorak from his car boot and hand it over.

I'm guessing it was a tailored jacket. It smelled of his good aftershave and was warm from his body and he put it over over her uncovered arms. Then she wore it like a trophy: "he claims me!", as she looked smugly across to the current wife, who was probs feeling a little chilly herself, despite the sensible bolero.

I'm probably exaggerating, but it would give me the rage too. I'm a tough old bird and don't go for that stuff, but I would be upset if my husband did this for another woman who wasn't my mum, or kids.

Show quote history

FFS 😂😂.

It smelled of his good aftershave and was warm from his body and he put it over over her uncovered arms

Send this to Take A Break they’ll publish this shit.

Are people so insecure in their relationships they’d get upset over their DH giving the ex their jacket?

teabooks · 22/04/2024 22:56

What a load of rubbish i could not get worked up over it.
Im sure he looks at other women not just you or his ex-wife.

But this is MN so LTB get a divorce hes broken your trust hes disgusting to do that to you.

ludicrouslycapaciousbags · 22/04/2024 22:57

Total red flags, your husband is a creep

YeahComeOnThen · 22/04/2024 23:01

tuvamoodyson · 22/04/2024 17:07

Well, if he’d taken your coat off and given it to her, I’d see your point…

@tuvamoodyson

🤣🤣🤣

teabooks · 22/04/2024 23:07

Some of the comments on her are so funny its cheered me right up tonight.
😆

walnutcoffeecake · 22/04/2024 23:11

It smelled of his good aftershave and was warm from his body and he put it over over her uncovered arms .
Someones been reading mills and boon 😂.

Laughing my head off.😂

eggsspam · 22/04/2024 23:12

Bustelo · 22/04/2024 22:56

FFS 😂😂.

It smelled of his good aftershave and was warm from his body and he put it over over her uncovered arms

Send this to Take A Break they’ll publish this shit.

Are people so insecure in their relationships they’d get upset over their DH giving the ex their jacket?

Show quote history

😂😂

YeahComeOnThen · 22/04/2024 23:14

Bruisername · 22/04/2024 20:21

If his son is 29 and they married 31 years ago it all sounds quite messy

if you don’t feel he has any feelings for her then I wouldn’t overthink

@Bruisername
She said separated 10 years when they met, not now.

Lavengro · 22/04/2024 23:14

I have an ex. I hate to think he might one day end up married to a woman who would rather see me shivering with cold than see him offer me his jacket. I'm baffled that anyone would see this as "intimate", even given the history between them - in fact, especially given the history. Who would want to be married to a man who wouldn't do this?