DH offered EX-wife his jacket

[adviceaunt]

name changed to protect identity, this has been playing on my mind for a while, at a family wedding earlier this year i attended with my DH. his Ex-wfie was also present.

while we were outside standing around waiting for photos, ex-wife who does not have a partner was stood on her own.

my DH went over to her and offered her his jacket as she appeared cold.

a little later when i managed to get him up for a dance he kept glancing over to where she was sitting and i did pull him up saying stop looking at ex-wife. he denied this and said he was keeping an eye on his DS (29) who is single and on his own. i did say, he's a grown adult..

AIBU thinking he should't have done these things?

YANBU. My DH gave a woman his coat on a night out once because she was ‘tiny.’ She was very skinny, and well… I wasn’t 😂 but I was still freezing and it pissed me off!

I don’t think there’s anything wrong and actually everything right about being kind and considerate to your ex/child’s mum but if you feel like there’s more to it there probably is.

Erm maybe because said ex causes untold problems and drama? And they don’t still like each other as friends. To the point she loudly said get off me. And it was done by my partner soon to be ex to fuck me off. That enough reasoning for you?

I wish my ex would behave decently towards me.

On the bright side if you split he will offer you his jacket 😉

Exactly.

Straightening someone's tie has a 'this person is with me' feel to it, in many people's eyes anyway.

everyone has assumed i'm more bothered by this that i am saying. i really am not! i have only just joined MN and have seen the responses too some of the threads and a recent one brought this incident to mind so i thought i'd see what the responses would be.

our relationship is perfectly fine and i am not worried about cheating or him having feelings etc..

It really is fascinating reading the replies. at the time me and him spoke about it and i will be honest, i knew he was trying really hard to be nice, and he thought it was a nice thing to do (he know's im made of stern stuff so the cold would not be an issue but if i was cold ofcourse the jacket would be mine) .

but.. i did think it was a very intimate thing to do, then and now, but ive not sat and stewed over it for months and months.. just curious is all

I don’t think he did anything wrong at all and I think it actually shows what sort of person he is that he’d openly treat his ex with such respect.

It sounds like he is a good man.

People aren't being "cool wives" because they don't see giving someone a coat as "deeply intimate" FFS

I have fixed many a person's tie/collar and haven't wanted to sleep with most of them (one I did have a crush on but the fixing of their clothes wasn't flirting)

I've been given/offered several coats and had my collar fixed and as far as I'm aware none of them wanted to sleep with me!

Her man gave another woman his jacket. That's the 'backstory'.

I agree with this.

unless there’s a massive backstory then he sounds like a gentleman.

theres no back story.. ive updated a few times on the thread.. the son is not their son

This is what I'd like to know too, because if not he should have offered it to OP first.

our relationship is solid, and if it had been any other woman it would not have been an issue for me.

im not sure I believe this. I think you’re jealous. And in my experience gnat tends to not just be about one person.

would he like it if you went over and stood talking to your ex-dh, offered him your pashmina to wear (🤣)and then kept looking over at him all night? No.

Lol, this.

It's awkward when you are at the same function and one of you isn't with a partner, I think it is perfectly reasonable to show consideration to an ex who is on their own but when I asked my husband what he thought he sided with the OP and thought it wasn't on.

I was being sarcastic op. That's the point I was making there's no backstory.

The sound of your post you sound like your acting like his mother.
Exs dont have to be at each others throats some split on good terms FFS.
You sound jealous.
Was he single when you met or was you the other woman?

ha ha his ex would describe me as the other woman.... she accuses of my stealing her man

but... he was single when i met him, they had been divorced 10 years when i met him

i was on excellent terms with my ex.. so much so that i helped his new wife and our children with his end of life care!

So many red flags here. Time to upsticks, and move on. See a solicitor, ring fence your finances and LTB.

no i did not have a coat on.... and no i did not need a coat.

so it seems

I would be the exact same.

You come across very jealous of his ex.

how do i come across as jealous? because ive mentioned he gave her his coat and i thought it just a step too far in being nice?

because she openly accuses me of stealing her man?

my only worry, given that she's clearly harbouring feelings some 21 years now after they divorced is that she sees the jacket offering as a sign?

we've put up with a lot over the past 10 years because of her actions, a family wedding brought us all together, one that i could not get out of.

interesting

😀