Invited friend extending invitation.

[Treesandsheepeverywhere]

Hi, I invited a friend to come and stay for a long weekend. She'll be travelling around 400 miles/under 2 hour flight if that helps.

She has extended the invitation to Mabel.

There was no invitation for Mabel.

Mabel is her Maltese dog.

We don't have pets and live in a small two bed.

I think this is quite rude as I now have to be the bad one "uninviting" Mabel.

Do pet owners assume this when they get an invitation?

Her reply has brought back memories I'd forgotten of her cf behaviour from when she visited 3 years ago
.
She was then meant to leave on the Sunday evening, but when I started preparing to say goodbye, she announced she'd now leave on Monday instead because of made up xyz. Poured herself a glass of wine and spread out on the sofa.
DH and I had been looking forward to a relaxing evening but figured she must be going through stuff and couldn't really throw her out.

She left after we'd got back from work. Can't believe it as I write it!
And regretting extending the invitation.

Goes without saying, I used to be a people pleaser. How do I say no without looking like the bad one, which is her intention?

I being U to say No?

Thanks.

Good for you @Treesandsheepeverywhere, nice clear message that doesn't give her room to say... oh Mabel will be no bother...

Thank you @LemonyFace , I sure hope so.
Many also saying she'll bring it anyway, if she does, I'll have to bear it as there isnt anywhere close to leave it but she'd never set foot again.

If she brings it anyway PLEASE don't let her in. You've been very very clear and if she's rude enough to ignore you she'll have to make other arrangements

If she brings the dog, don't let her in.

No. You don't have to bear it.
You can refuse to let her in.
You may choose to give in but you don't have to. It would be your choice.

If she brings her anyway then direct her to Airbnb. Do not let her bring her dog into your home.

Does your building allow dogs?

You need to cancel her visit full stop!! Just message and say I’m really sorry we can no longer host that date as we’re going away/family occasion/ party (or insert some other event)
then say sorry about this will get some other date soon (then don’t)

Most buildings only allow cats.

Thank you all.

@MrsSkylerWhite , dogs are allowed and neighbours have them.
She'll realise it's us who don't allow dogs but I didn't want a why? coming back.

I really should cancel but she's part of a friendship group and the other two will visit separately.
If I get this visit out of the way, I'll have done my bit and won't invite her going forward.

Good for you OP 💪🏻 And if she does turn up with the dog, you can practice your newly found boundary-enforcing skills by refusing to let them in. You may also want to make sure she knows in advance that there is a definite end date/time for her visit and not allow her to abuse your hospitality again. See? Once you start saying 'no' to cheeky fuckers, it gets easier! Good luck x

I foresee poor Mabel would be jet lagged and need at least a week(or 2!) to recover before she could make the trip home.

I vote cancel the whole trip. Because she’s been a rude house guest before and will no doubt be again. That’s quite apart from the dog.

She knows what she is doing and doesn’t have the slightest hesitation in abusing your friendship so don’t feel bad for a second about cancelling.

Life is too short to grin and bear it with CFs!!

Stand firm op!

I am proud of you OP 👏

Drawing boundaries is hard. Well done 🙂

Would you really be so bothered if she took umbrage and thought you were the bad guy?

Sounds like it might be nicer to be well rid of her.

Op don’t invite people you don’t like, etiquette where you invite someone just to tick a box and say you hosted them is nothing compared to having someone you really want there and enjoying a visit. That goes for both host and guest. Not fair on either of you

As the visit is a while off, just invent a non- negotiable cancel white lie - something like a wedding invite or scheduled minor operation or work shift.

Along the lines of "I'm so sorry to do this but xxx weekend no longer works for us. Me/DH has been on the list for a very minor but needed medical/procedure and it has been scheduled for that date (weekends are fine btw , private hospitals do it)
and so we will have to reschedule. Will come back to you soon xx "

Small dogs are allowed in the cabin in some countries (which is why you sometimes see this on the TV or at some overseas airports), but UK does not permit this (not sure if the problem is inbound flights or outbound of both). Some airlines do not even take dogs in the hold and they have to go on a separate cargo flight. There is no way i would put my dog in the hold/on a cargo flight (he would get so so stressed), so need to wait until i can afford a private jet before flying anywhere with him!!

I have a dog spoilt pooch but I wouldn't for a minute think he is invited to come to a friends house for 1 hour or 2 days.

Stay firm, sorry Mabel.

Now you just need to figure out what you will do when she turns up with Mabel on your doorstep anyway....

I would spend a bit of time researching dog friendly hotels, AirBnBs in your area so when she inevitably turns up with Mabel in tow, you can tell her ' I thought this might happen but luckily there is a dog friendly AirBnB in town that has vacancies'. Do not under any circumstances let her test your boundaries!

Don't!! I can see her pulling this though.

I hear you all about cancelling but as I've committed, I feel I should see it through, but never ever again.

Thing is, she is good company other than when it's time to leave.

Dh reminded me she's actually extended her stay 3 times in total now.

When she left on the Monday instead of Sunday, we'd assumed she'd leave shortly after we'd gone to work.
Didn't in a million years think to confirm and finding her still there after work was a shock. Awkward for dh especially.

A friend said to take it as a compliment that she feels so at home, she doesn't want to leave, but we all know about the 3 day visitor rule.

*I've been left on read since this morning.

Maybe find tips to hurry her along? Switch the heating and the WiFi off!!

@Treesandsheepeverywhere

I doubt OP will do this - though she should consider it, although:

• CF "friend" will probably assume you and your husband will arrange and pay for the BnB, etc and
• she'll turn up at your house with her dog anyway and you'll have to provide food, etc for the dog.

Seriously OP - grab that nettle with both hands, be very clear and build a huge boundary around your home with it. You can't go through life letting people walk all over you. 🌹