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AIBU?

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Original poster

Invited friend extending invitation.

146 replies

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 22/04/2024 14:20

Hi, I invited a friend to come and stay for a long weekend. She'll be travelling around 400 miles/under 2 hour flight if that helps.

She has extended the invitation to Mabel.

There was no invitation for Mabel.

Mabel is her Maltese dog.

We don't have pets and live in a small two bed.

I think this is quite rude as I now have to be the bad one "uninviting" Mabel.

Do pet owners assume this when they get an invitation?

Her reply has brought back memories I'd forgotten of her cf behaviour from when she visited 3 years ago
.
She was then meant to leave on the Sunday evening, but when I started preparing to say goodbye, she announced she'd now leave on Monday instead because of made up xyz. Poured herself a glass of wine and spread out on the sofa.
DH and I had been looking forward to a relaxing evening but figured she must be going through stuff and couldn't really throw her out.

She left after we'd got back from work. Can't believe it as I write it!
And regretting extending the invitation.

Goes without saying, I used to be a people pleaser. How do I say no without looking like the bad one, which is her intention?

I being U to say No?

Thanks.

OP posts:
WigglyVonWaggly · 22/04/2024 22:31

Bloody hell. Some people really do have balls of fucking steel, don’t they. You’ve told her clearly the dog isn’t invited to your home. Your home. Not hers. Repeat it even louder for her since she was clearly expecting to get her own way which is why she told you the dog was coming without asking you first: ‘We can’t have your dog. Shall we reschedule for another time?’ After the way she behaved last time, I wouldn’t even be having her again!

PoppingTomorrow · 22/04/2024 23:22

Now for the sulk!

Ah, so she has form.

OP stop worrying about upsetting her. She clearly doesn't give a shit about other people.

Original poster
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 22/04/2024 23:36

Took a lot to send the first reply.

I was proud of myself for being firm with no excuses or apology.
Thought I'd shut it down and did not expect her to reply with the why!!

Keeps reminding me of how much cf'ry she's pulled in the past.

Haven't opened her message, saw it pop up and thinking to ignore??

OP posts:
BearFacedCheek · 22/04/2024 23:45

My user name is quite apt for your friend!
I wouldn’t ignore her message. I think you need to meet her head on.
“Sorry, no can do. Let me know if you can’t get a dog sitter and we can reschedule for when you can. X”

BadLad · 22/04/2024 23:46

I bet she brings Mabel anyway, realsing that you’ll find it much harder to refuse when she’s actually there with her dog.

Zooeyzo · 22/04/2024 23:48

She'll definitely turn up with the dog

crockofshite · 23/04/2024 00:07

Shut it down quickly, she might turn up anyway with the dog

.... Sorry, not possible to have Mabel here. I think we should rearrange for another time when you can get dog sitting. ...

LifeIsJustOneBigWTAF · 23/04/2024 00:16

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 22/04/2024 23:36

Took a lot to send the first reply.

I was proud of myself for being firm with no excuses or apology.
Thought I'd shut it down and did not expect her to reply with the why!!

Keeps reminding me of how much cf'ry she's pulled in the past.

Haven't opened her message, saw it pop up and thinking to ignore??

She's asked you why? What bit of 'there's no room for Mabel, so we can't have her' did the CF not understand?

babysharksasleep · 23/04/2024 00:29

Just cancel the whole visit as I bet she'll bring Mabel regardless of what you say.

If you don't feel comfortable saying you want to cancel say you'll be away - wedding invite etc

FollowTheFuckingInstructions · 23/04/2024 00:44

I'd go along with her: 'Oh, would she? Poor Mabel, look I don't want her to feel left out so let's cancel for now.'

Thevelvelletes · 23/04/2024 00:46

Won't be able to have Mabel.

CatrionaCat · 23/04/2024 01:35

Ignore specifics and reply "If you can't get a dog sitter for x date, we'll have to rearrange for when you can. What about 14th June?"

Just totally ignore anything about how much Mabel wants to come. But do not be vague, otherwise she will bring the dog.

coxesorangepippin · 23/04/2024 02:07

"If you can't get a dog sitter for x date, we'll have to rearrange for when you can.

^

This,but I wouldn't give an alternative date. In fact I'd cancel her full stop

Fraaahnces · 23/04/2024 02:22

“Mabel is a dog. She would be much happier in her own environment, and I would be happiest if no pets were brought into mine.”

HappyEater · 23/04/2024 03:57

‘Ah ok, let’s leave it for now then, we can rearrange another date’

And don’t.

Gillbil · 23/04/2024 04:27

Can't you say pets aren't allowed on our rental agreement/ hoa.
...or mil/ family member/ friend is deathly allergic to dogs and she's coming to stay right after you leave?

KomodoOhno · 23/04/2024 04:45

Zooeyzo · 22/04/2024 23:48

She'll definitely turn up with the dog

Yes these type of people only care about what they want.

grinandslothit · 23/04/2024 04:46

I don't think I'd bother with her it's already too much drama and she hasn't even showed up yet. Just rescind the invitation.

LauderSyme · 23/04/2024 05:05

Don't ignore, she may well take radio silence as tacit agreement that Mabel is welcome after all.

You don't need to explain why the dog can't come, although the short answer of course is "because she is not invited".

I would go straight back in with "if you can't leave Mabel at home then regrettably on this occasion we'll have to cancel." Add "too bad, so sad", if you fancy.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 23/04/2024 05:12

Don’t ignore or she will use it as a oh you never got back to me so I thought it was ok …. And don’t leave it as she will say but I’ve already booked flights …

Sorry op you are grown up put your big girl pants on and reply

i like the idea of - I get Mabel wants to come but dogs aren’t allowed in the flat ?

like a pp said you don’t have to say you made the rule

And if she come back to that a blunt no - remember no is a full sentence

Olika · 23/04/2024 05:17

Definitely don't just ignore as otherwise she will bring the dog. Just send what @LauderSyme suggested. And anyway after overstaying her invite last time I would be re-thinking if you want her to visit at all.

sonjadog · 23/04/2024 07:37

If you ignore it she will turn up with the dog.

Just say no. It is a useful lifeskill to develop.

Pottedpalm · 23/04/2024 07:41

Your mistake was to invite her/agree to her stay, after last time.

BobbyBiscuits · 23/04/2024 07:43

My cousin is a vet and she's kicked people out her house before when they've turned up with an unexpected dog in tow.
They are messy, chaotic animals and their hair and slobber is grim. Tell her you don't have dogs in the house and she can stay at a dog friendly hotel. Hopefully she won't bother coming at all.

Original poster
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/04/2024 09:08

Have gone back with: "Don't allow pets in the house."

Didn't say who doesn't allow them, us or landlord. Date is a while away so didn't address that. Don't want to get drawn into Mabel's sitters arrangements so didn't mention her either.

Hopefully that will be the end of it!!!

I certainly wish I hadn't extended the invitation, but I really didn't forsee this cf'ry. Who does that!
Last visit was ages ago and had almost forgotten about it.
Won't make that mistake again after this visit.

I was hoping she'd have second thoughts and delete the message before I opened it.

I also replied to the non related message separately and in detail, so the previous one is now way up.

DH thinks she wants to bring Mabel so she's not tied to rushing back for her, thus having the option to extend her stay as it suits.... again, hadn't thought of that!!

Thank you for the suggestions and support. I was scared to reply but she's clearly not scared to come across as a cf.
She knows I'm soft, hence the pushback. She'll be wondering what's got into me 😂.

OP posts: