Invited friend extending invitation.

[Treesandsheepeverywhere]

Hi, I invited a friend to come and stay for a long weekend. She'll be travelling around 400 miles/under 2 hour flight if that helps.

She has extended the invitation to Mabel.

There was no invitation for Mabel.

Mabel is her Maltese dog.

We don't have pets and live in a small two bed.

I think this is quite rude as I now have to be the bad one "uninviting" Mabel.

Do pet owners assume this when they get an invitation?

Her reply has brought back memories I'd forgotten of her cf behaviour from when she visited 3 years ago
.
She was then meant to leave on the Sunday evening, but when I started preparing to say goodbye, she announced she'd now leave on Monday instead because of made up xyz. Poured herself a glass of wine and spread out on the sofa.
DH and I had been looking forward to a relaxing evening but figured she must be going through stuff and couldn't really throw her out.

She left after we'd got back from work. Can't believe it as I write it!
And regretting extending the invitation.

Goes without saying, I used to be a people pleaser. How do I say no without looking like the bad one, which is her intention?

I being U to say No?

Thanks.

I doubt Mabel will ever speak to you again but anyway OP hold firm I have a very beloved dog and I always assume he ISNT invited anyway unless the inviter tells me different

Thank you all.

The text messages verbatim:
Cf/friend: how are you settling in?
Silly me: Great, you should come visit us at the new place.
Cf/friend: I'm free to come anytime, so just say when.
Silly me: Does (this date) work?
Cf/friend: That's perfect. Mabel and I are so excited to see your new place.

Haven't replied and she's since sent another unrelated message talking about her work. Haven't replied to that either.

We grew up together, literally since we were 4 so almost feels like a sister.
She's good to chat but clearly not to stay.
I cut her some slack on last visit's incident and hadn't forseen this.

She knows I don't have an allergy as I've met Mabel at their place before and patted her, didn't have any issues. Also knows I grew up around dogs.
So can't use that excuse.

Not sure about the flight thing. Watched
ITV's Red Eye drama last night (don't bother!!!!) and there was a lady on there with a dog, I remember thinking how has she got on with a dog!
Coincidentally, the texting was after and I assumed pets are now allowed to fly in certain circumstances.

True that its a her thing, not a dog owner thing. I was flabbergasted when posting.

I’m a dog owner. Adore them. Sometimes more so than my husband and kids. (Joking. Maybe.) However I would never for a minute assume they were invited anywhere unless expressly asked. Don’t feel bad. If it helps, say that your lease forbids pets….

I’d just say there’s been a misunderstanding and you can’t accommodate the dog. But don’t apologise for it! Just be direct - and firm.

Dont get drawn into explanations. Good luck!

You need to reply asap or she will think you're ok with it!

'We won't be able to accommodate Mabel. Let me know if you can get a dog sitter for the dates we have planned or if not, when you can'

She thinks it’s all agreed, best get texting back sharpish otherwise it will be “but I’ve paid for her flights now.”

Your excuse could be the terms of the leasehold?

But you don't need an excuse - just say "ah sorry we can't accommodate Mabel. If that means we need to arrange so you can make arrangements then I totally understand, we can find another time". Then send another message either replying to her non-visit related message, or changing the subject.

If she is like a sister then you will be able to say it and she might huff briefly without the relationship being ruined.

Well that's so easy to sort out.

Sorry if there's been a misunderstanding. I was inviting just you. If you don't have a dog sitter then we can rearrange for a date you can find someone to stay with mabel.

The longer you leave it the more of a big deal it becomes.

This is perfect.

Or just say sorry no dogs allowed in our building..

I’m sorry we can’t have a dog in our flat. If pushed, it’s just the rules for this flat. No need to divulge that you’re the ones who made those rules.

I’d text back saying ’Think there’s been a misunderstanding, Mabel is not invited’ and see what she responds. If she whinges, then just ’Ok, let’s meet up another time elsewhere’.

Hi, I didn't realise you have Mabel with you! I'm afraid that we can't have Mabel to stay. Do you want to rearrange or can you still make it?

Id reply, oh little Mabel, I forgot about her. Is there noone else that can have her for the weekend? Let me know, or we can rearrange if easier x

Tell her quickly or she'll lay a whole load of crap at your door. Can't wait to see you, been desperate, needs a break, booked Mabel's flight, booked Mabel's vaccinations, Mabel is desperate to see you, omg I really need this etc. etc.

Non negotiable. And then don't get caught up in the moment and invite her again!

I've replied and said unfortunately there's no space for Mabel, so we can't have her.

Now for the sulk! Let's see what she comes back with. I'm guessing she'll leave me on read.

Thank you for all the suggestions.
I've replied and said:

Unfortunately there's no space for Mabel, so we can't have her.

Predictably, she's replied to say Mabel would love to visit too 😳.

Well we can't always have what we want.

'Sorry to disappoint her.'

Change subject.

Good luck

"But we wouldn't love to have her."

'Sorry that's not possible.' Or 'sorry that doesn't work for us.' With people like that, you have to be minimum words and totally non negotiable I think. Though from all you've said and the evidence of her totally ignoring your wishes in that last message, you may just be best following that with 'let's rearrrange for another time' and then not contacting again, if you've had enough.

Sometimes you have to be blunt.. 'I understand you'd like to bring Mabel but we don't enjoy any dogs in our house, if you're unable to visit as a result we understand'

Now you say well unfortunately she can't. Let me know if you still want to come by yourself. If you don't want to leave her I understand. We can cancel and arrange something else another time.

She's a hardcore CF so you're going to have to be hardcore blunt

I would never presume to invite my dog! Cheeky cah!

‘Ah perhaps we can meet somewhere mid way that’s dog friendly instead’ untie yourself from this friend staying with you!