Re my parents and childcare

[Theroadnottravelled]

I think I’m going to get blasted for this but my lovely parents are being frustrating imo. Me and DH moved from London to the south coast to be near them. We have 2 girls, 2 and 4. Both in nursery 4 days a week as we both work FT. My parents do a day for us, have done for a year. They offered and I’d never expect more. I am grateful. My dad has now said it’s too tiring for them to do all day so will do half. So we have no cover and can’t really afford more nursery. We get by but I felt that as there are two of them, almost 70 but very fit, play golf most weeks and are very active that it’s disappointing they won’t do the whole day once a week plus DD1 goes to school in sept.

If they can't manage it then they can't maybe look into a childminder universal credit will also help with childcare costs

You should be able to get free preschool for the eldest. And possibly the youngest too, I think two year olds can do preschool if both parents are working. That might cover the other half of a the day.

I think if they're saying it, unfortunately they mean it. I do get the disappointment as we went from suddenly only needing three days at nursery to needing five. We've got a loan to cover the cost of nursery for the next x years. Insanity but needs must.

You will get flamed as many of us haven’t had a single minute of help since our children were born. Find a childminder or change your working hours?

I’m 59 with 3 GD all older than yours and they knacker me out…..I pick 2 of them up after school 1 day a week then take them swimming lessons then home for tea and they are picked up around 8pm…..that’s me done..,,I wouldn’t commit to any more than that a week even at my age….,although I’m happy to baby sit at weekends and overnights just not as a committment.
if your parents are asking to drop to a half day then it’s too much for them….end of

I mean, me and DH are a lot younger and fitter than your parents and have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and we find it hard work having a full day with them with no break every weekend, so I don't blame your parents really.

I would be disappointed too, but I wouldn't feel that it's unreasonable. I'd be glad that they spoke up instead of continuing and secretly resenting it.

Running around after two young children at 70 must be a lot. More tiring than a leisurely round of golf. It is annoying but there isn’t anything you can do about it.

Could one of you work a 5 in 4 or even reduce your hours if the salary reduction is less than childcare?

I agree with you and see your point about it being disappointing but YABU. At least you only have a few months until school starts which will help you with a saving.

As you both work full time and can one or both of you compress your hours so you do them over four days with a day off? That would save you further in terms of childcare and also for the school holidays.

So we have no cover and can’t really afford more nursery

What would you do if your parents weren't around at all?

I would book them in for the whole day.
It helps set expectations for holiday and sickness cover - I can understand you being disappointed.

Can the load be reduced another way, e.g. sending DD1 to preschool for all of the extra day so they only have one DGC to look after? They may still feel it's too much but could be worth asking. When DD1 goes to school can you afford more nursery for DD2? Does the nursery have spaces?

I mean I’ve barely had any childcare from my parents, and certainly no emotional support, but I can still see how it would be annoying for OP’s current arrangement to change. Particularly if she (knowing her parents) can see that they’re fit and well.

It’s annoying and it’s their right to stop providing childcare. But still annoying and disappointing, I agree OP.

One child will go to school in September and you should get funding for both now (or at least one).
You can’t force your parents to provide childcare for your children. Maybe they will help out in emergencies when one is sick.

Very annoying especially as you've moved, but you'll just have to accept it.

They've realised that small children are very, very hard work and need total focus

Bottom line is they prefer golf over childcare. It's drudgery

Can you compress your hours at work to do 5 days in 4.5 days?

Yup this. Think about how much money you have saved already OP owing to the generosity of your parents.

Would 2 half days be an option?

They can only do what they can do. If they're getting tired, they could start making mistakes with the kids, and you don't want that.

Can one or both of you start working compressed hours to cover the short fall?

Would they be willing to change to two half days instead? A whole day is a long time!

Oh come on. There is a mental load to looking after two kids that simply does not exist in golf.

Was queueing in Tesco and got talking to the woman in front of me who had a cute two year old boy with her. I asked if he was hers and she said "No im 60 Hes my grandchild. Hes lovely but its knackering. Its expected now though for grandparents to do this"

You could see if they could manage one for the whole day. 1 day of nursery is likely to be less than 2 half days.

Why are people telling the OP to get a childminder?

Ask if they would consider continuing until the eldest starts school.