Re my parents and childcare

[Theroadnottravelled]

I think I’m going to get blasted for this but my lovely parents are being frustrating imo. Me and DH moved from London to the south coast to be near them. We have 2 girls, 2 and 4. Both in nursery 4 days a week as we both work FT. My parents do a day for us, have done for a year. They offered and I’d never expect more. I am grateful. My dad has now said it’s too tiring for them to do all day so will do half. So we have no cover and can’t really afford more nursery. We get by but I felt that as there are two of them, almost 70 but very fit, play golf most weeks and are very active that it’s disappointing they won’t do the whole day once a week plus DD1 goes to school in sept.

So you're a 70 year old who can run up and down the stairs like a 20 something with no bladder issues despite that too being a known complication of aging a true specimen of uniqueness.

How were you brought up. Did the village nurture you whilst your mum commuted to a stressful long hours city job to earn enough to house your family. And how much do you contribute to the village between the commutes and stress.

No we don't discuss our health issues either. Why burden them.

But you decided to have 2 children did you not look at costs first? Was the plan always to use mum regardless of her health?

A compromise would be for the grandparents to pay for that extra day. If their income allows

Exactly so if the op is told it's too much for us the immediate thought should be about what is happening about their health not omg the selfish T...S now I've got to pay....that is very selfish

Or if they still lived in London

Why the bloody hell should they pay for it?!

I do hope you get it sorted though, OP. I understand that it's stressful and expensive.

With national statistics showing health by age reporting that prior to COVID 40% of 65 plus people were living with limiting health conditions it's not agest but fact to say health deteriorates with age....there are no stats on stamina but it's known ill people in general have lower stamina than when healthy.
Yes we all know stubborn older people who refuse to admit it and carry on even if they can't manage, but no caring adult would coerce their parents to risk their health and the safety of the child to save money.

No you use reins on the 2 year old. Child development has come on a long way in 50 years.
I'm saying you can't say just because I'm Dorian Grey no other person ages either....look at the national statistics for Health ....your lucky not everyone is....all my kids grandparents were dead before 70, I bet they were just selfish in not doing childcare until the last day.
Empathy is a quality many should practice rather than saying I'm okay so everyone else must be lazy and selfish.

Why?

Love.

No, greed on the part of the grandchildrens' parents.

It seems this “love” only goes in one direction…. not a bit of love, consideration or empathy for the grandparents!

My mother is 73, a widower and she minds my 2 yr old toddler a whole day , other 4 days shes at nursery. She does this because I have no cover whatsoever and cant afford to pay £2166 for 5 full days. My mother isnt very fit or very active, shes just ok. And she certainly doesnt play golf:)
So what are you doing to do if your mum has a stroke heart attack or dies suddenly?

Nah…..that would just make OP a greedy twat…..you sort out your own childcare …..and if that means paying for it then so be it…..you don’t leech off people🙄

I'm not inferring anything. All we have is OP's assessment of them. I think her parents know themselves and their capabilities even better than she does. It's also possible OP is not aware of all their personal details and issues. Even if she thinks she is.

I knew all about my father's aortic aneurysm (now fixed). It's important family medical history and I appreciated being able to support him at the time. Just hearing how his appointments went really.

That's not her parent's issue to resolve. They took care of the care of their children, OP takes care of the care of hers. If she's very lucky, she has help available. She doesn't because they're not capable. If you can't afford childcare, you consider having a SAHP for a bit (even if it's tighter and you can't afford as much) or you find work that fits with your life. I doubt she gave her parents a say in whether these children were born, so they aren't their responsibility.

I think your parents maybe got caught up in the excitement of you moving and thought looking after the grandchildren was going to be a bit of a fairytale experience. They probably feel terrible at having to say they can't manage. I think it is understandable for you to feel a bit disappointed. The offer came from them and you worked your jobs and move around that. Of course you care about your parents, but it has kind of knocked you off balance financially as well as everything else. Ignore the haters out there. They will pick at any tiny detail to cause an argument. I am a parent and grandparent. Maybe when one of the children goes to school you could maybe ask if they would be willing to try again, the one day a week. You can only ask and see what they say.

They will be told when we have a date and in time for themselves to be checked but I'm not making them stressed for weeks before

I’d be both ashamed and embarrassed to ask a relative to fund my childcare.

I can't say I ever found it stressful. I knew the risk was low, even if there. I'm glad my parents told me so I could hear over the following years how my father was going and share with him. But I know not everyone is as open with their medical things, and that's up to each patient obviously. I just don't see why your children would be particularly stressed by it. Not criticising your choice, because that's personal, but I'd have been disappointed to not be able to support my father, even if it was just listening to progress updates.

Mil died on table, her mother ruptured in her kitchen so it's not straight forward