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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of the breast is best brigade?

574 replies

Bex5490 · 21/04/2024 15:13

Currently sat in a maternity waiting room, waiting to be told that I have a condition which I’ll need to take another round of antibiotics for. Which as I’m breastfeeding will probably give my 1 month old baby ANOTHER round of visibly uncomfortable oral thrush.

There is a video on the TV screen about how everyone should breastfeed playing on loop and what a bloody wonderful thing it is…

With my last baby I had such bad mastitis and suffered through until it was unbearable. The only advice my midwife ever offers now or offered then was keep going with the breastfeeding because…breast is best.

One of my friends had a low milk supply and her baby screamed day and night almost giving her a nervous breakdown until she reluctantly gave in and guiltily offered the baby a bottle.

I know I don’t want to keep giving my baby thrush through the antibiotics or pump all day for a smidgen of milk…so I’m going to switch to formula but something inside still feels guilty and like I’m not doing right by my baby because of the 9 months of people chiming on about how…breast is best.

For the sake of a mother’s mental health surely the message should be a bit more nuanced…

OK - Probably hormonal and living on chunks of 2 hr naps. Rant over!

OP posts:
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Flamingogirl08 · 21/04/2024 15:18

Honestly I just told my midwife I was going to formula feed and no more was mentioned about breastfeeding. I didn't pay any attention to the breastfeeding stuff after that as I was happy with my choice.

No guilt and didn't give it a second thought. Just make your decision and move on.

Spirallingdownwards · 21/04/2024 15:19

Unfortunately if more nuanced it doesn't reach that large group of mothers who don't realise that it is better for the child in most cases. You seem to be bright enough to understand that they aren't picking on you and saying you are failing in any way, merely helping those less able to appreciate that breast milk is the best solution, if feasible, to realise this.

Don't feel guilty if you can't and have to switch to formula. Everyone should do what is right for them and their child. Hope you are well again soon and I am sure your child will thrive.

Didimum · 21/04/2024 15:19

The latest research suggests that is the benefits of breast feeding are fleetingly minimal compared to formula feeding. YANBU.

Justbrowsing2024 · 21/04/2024 15:21

First child was formula fed. Second child formula fed after exclusively pumping for months and finding it so awful in the end. Both are thriving and I am glad for that. But breast is a really best. Of course it is, it's designed and changes to what the baby needs. It's magical stuff and how nature intended. Just like animals feed their young, thats what we are made to do. However at times when it isn't possible or we choose not to breastfeed I am grateful for formula as it meant my babies were fed.
It's like birth... I needed a c section, had no choice. I would have preferred not to but it meant baby and I survived.
What I am saying is just because something is the 'best' or 'natural' option, doesn't automatically mean any other option is bad. It's just different. Don't feel guilty. Do what you need to do to feed your baby. They all end up trying to eat crap they found on the floor in the end, breastfed or formula fed lol.

HappyEater · 21/04/2024 15:22

Just ignore them all, OP

Do whatever is best for you.

FF is absolutely fine.

FuzzyWuzzyWuzABear · 21/04/2024 15:22

YANBU

But for your own sanity, try to care less.

Given the massive obesity crisis that's been facing children for years, a lot of the 'breast is best' preachers will then take their eyes right off the ball past the weaning stage.

TheShellBeach · 21/04/2024 15:22

Didimum · 21/04/2024 15:19

The latest research suggests that is the benefits of breast feeding are fleetingly minimal compared to formula feeding. YANBU.

Could you link that research?
I'm struggling to believe that not feeding species-specific milk can be beneficial.

TimeInBlue · 21/04/2024 15:23

Didimum · 21/04/2024 15:19

The latest research suggests that is the benefits of breast feeding are fleetingly minimal compared to formula feeding. YANBU.

Where is this research? We all know that’s not true.

Breast IS of course best but not everyone can breastfeed and that’s ok.

Justbrowsing2024 · 21/04/2024 15:24

Didimum · 21/04/2024 15:19

The latest research suggests that is the benefits of breast feeding are fleetingly minimal compared to formula feeding. YANBU.

I'd like to see who funded this research to be honest. Probably the formula manufacturers. I don't believe it to be true there is minimal difference (for example if a baby is ill breastmilk will contain antibodies... no comparison to formula) but I also don't think there is an issue using formula and have done so myself.

Scottishskifun · 21/04/2024 15:25

Sorry your needing antibiotics again.

It's absolutely ok to choose whatever suits your family you don't need permission to do so. Formula is not the devil!

I would say medical practitioners have to keep to medical and evidence though which is what they do with breastfeeding information.
I would say they need to be a bit more honest in that it can be difficult to establish for some or latch issues/tongue ties etc. Also a lot of areas needs to improve feeding support full stop regardless to help parents and there is also combo feeding too which as long as supply is established can be a happy medium for many parents.

I couldn't cope with formula feeding myself as I'm pretty disorganised and barely made it out the house on some occasions when the food supply was part of my body but that's just me!

WhiteLeopard · 21/04/2024 15:25

YABU - there are benefits to breastfeeding so it would be remiss of health care professionals not to inform people of this. Of course it doesn't mean that you can't decide to formula feed if you want to. It's like any other medical advice.

theDudesmummy · 21/04/2024 15:27

I really loved breastfeeding. As I loved my elective cesarean. Those were my choices, every woman should be supported to make her own free choices around reproduction, that work for her, using the scientific and medical information plus her own beliefs and preferences. Without either personal or societal pressure. Sadly this is often very far from the reality.

MummytoAAandX · 21/04/2024 15:27

I told my midwife early on I was FF and it was never questioned. Honestly, I have FF all three of mine. They are all happy and healthy. I'm sure I read somewhere as well that the first time we are now seeing more women FF than BF. Either way. Everyone's situation is different and we all do what's right for us and our babies. No one else's business.

DahliaMacNamara · 21/04/2024 15:27

Ah, don't worry about it, OP. Once the baby gets past six months there's a START WEANING THAT KID OFF THE BREAST YOU WEIRDO brigade that's far more in your face than a few waiting room posters. You can only do what you think is best for you in your circumstances.

BananaLambo · 21/04/2024 15:30

YANBU. A fed baby is best. Your child will not have a hairy arse/end up living in a ditch/be a mass murderer/be the weird kid who eats the pips in apples just because you gave it formula.

Scottishskifun · 21/04/2024 15:30

Didimum · 21/04/2024 15:19

The latest research suggests that is the benefits of breast feeding are fleetingly minimal compared to formula feeding. YANBU.

Please be careful with this type of message and who you are saying it to.

For neonatal babies for instance it definitely is the opposite and breastmilk is recommended as it reduces especially chances of NEC which can be fatal and improves outcomes. There is a reason milkbank donors are required for hospital neonatal units.

ASighMadeOfStone · 21/04/2024 15:30

Didimum · 21/04/2024 15:19

The latest research suggests that is the benefits of breast feeding are fleetingly minimal compared to formula feeding. YANBU.

Does it aye.

ShirleyPhallus · 21/04/2024 15:32

Women should make an informed choice that’s right for them, their baby and their circumstances. It’s not really anyone else’s business what they do.

However, scientifically, breastfeeding IS better than formula and it would be remiss not to mention this. It isn’t a slight against anyone to mention this scientific fact.

Flamingogirl08 · 21/04/2024 15:32

BananaLambo · 21/04/2024 15:30

YANBU. A fed baby is best. Your child will not have a hairy arse/end up living in a ditch/be a mass murderer/be the weird kid who eats the pips in apples just because you gave it formula.

Mine would eat the pips in apples which is why I bought an apple corer. I wonder if it is because she was formula fed? 🤣

TomeTome · 21/04/2024 15:32

I’d just give the baby formula and pump and dump while taking the antibiotics.

RecordPlayer · 21/04/2024 15:33

UK has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world. The campaigns you see are the government's feeble attempt at improving those rates, while at the same time refusing to invest in actual support. You should have access to a lactation consultant to help you treat causes of mastitis/bf problems, rather than a midwife who, through no fault of her own, has very poor breastfeeding education.

GoodnightAdeline · 21/04/2024 15:35

RecordPlayer · 21/04/2024 15:33

UK has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world. The campaigns you see are the government's feeble attempt at improving those rates, while at the same time refusing to invest in actual support. You should have access to a lactation consultant to help you treat causes of mastitis/bf problems, rather than a midwife who, through no fault of her own, has very poor breastfeeding education.

No it doesn’t. The only reason it seems like it does is because the statistics only take into account ‘exclusive’ breastfeeding. If a woman gives 2 bottles of formula in hospital then goes on to breastfeed for 2 years, she wouldn’t count in the statistics.

CountryMumof4 · 21/04/2024 15:35

All of mine had latching issues (for medical reasons). I pumped for at the very least the first month, but after that they all moved on to formula as no matter what I did/ate/drank, I started drying up. They're all great, strapping lads now, so I'm pretty certain the move to formula didn't negatively affect them. Do what's best for you and your baby - as others have said, the main thing is that they continue to be well fed.

glassofjuice · 21/04/2024 15:36

GoodnightAdeline · 21/04/2024 15:35

No it doesn’t. The only reason it seems like it does is because the statistics only take into account ‘exclusive’ breastfeeding. If a woman gives 2 bottles of formula in hospital then goes on to breastfeed for 2 years, she wouldn’t count in the statistics.

Show quote history

Not true

mollyfolk · 21/04/2024 15:36

RecordPlayer · 21/04/2024 15:33

UK has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world. The campaigns you see are the government's feeble attempt at improving those rates, while at the same time refusing to invest in actual support. You should have access to a lactation consultant to help you treat causes of mastitis/bf problems, rather than a midwife who, through no fault of her own, has very poor breastfeeding education.

This. The public campaigns aim to convince people to breastfeed but the actual practical support isn’t there - leaving women feeling guilty and formula companies laughing all the way to the bank.