To be sick of the breast is best brigade?

[Bex5490]

Currently sat in a maternity waiting room, waiting to be told that I have a condition which I’ll need to take another round of antibiotics for. Which as I’m breastfeeding will probably give my 1 month old baby ANOTHER round of visibly uncomfortable oral thrush.

There is a video on the TV screen about how everyone should breastfeed playing on loop and what a bloody wonderful thing it is…

With my last baby I had such bad mastitis and suffered through until it was unbearable. The only advice my midwife ever offers now or offered then was keep going with the breastfeeding because…breast is best.

One of my friends had a low milk supply and her baby screamed day and night almost giving her a nervous breakdown until she reluctantly gave in and guiltily offered the baby a bottle.

I know I don’t want to keep giving my baby thrush through the antibiotics or pump all day for a smidgen of milk…so I’m going to switch to formula but something inside still feels guilty and like I’m not doing right by my baby because of the 9 months of people chiming on about how…breast is best.

For the sake of a mother’s mental health surely the message should be a bit more nuanced…

OK - Probably hormonal and living on chunks of 2 hr naps. Rant over!

Lol

Not everyone can breastfeed. My daughter did with her first, whose now two.

Her 2nd is 5 months old, and she never took to the breast. My daughter pumps off her milk and feeds her from the bottle, which she is happy with.

My DiL tried to breastfeed with her first. It didn't work. Her H.V. told her to stop giving herself a hard time and go to the bottle. She fed them both by bottle.

Do what works for you. Tell anyone who comments it's none of their business..

They don't know the bottle hasn't got breast milk in it like my daughter is doing.

Oh, and all of mine were bottle fed, too. Breast maybe best, but it doesn't work for everyone

Best not to have a baby if you’re not going to breastfeed. If that’s not judgement I don’t know what is.

Switching to FFing allowed me to start to bond with DS1 as being the only one "on call" to feed him night and day (DH had no paternity leave, so I was doing everything during the day too as soon as I was home from hospital) wreaked havoc when combined with PND.

I had such horrible emotional associations with trying to BF that I only BFed my two younger kids colostrum while I was in hospital - I could tolerate no more.

I'm so pleased I formula fed, I have no guilt, it was the right decision for my children that they had a mum who wasn't a nervous wreck.

The latest research says nothing of the sort

You took my words out of context. I was commenting on @CelesteCunningham ’s post listing all the ways in which breastfeeding impacted negatively on her.

A high percentage may breast feed for a few weeks but many of us don’t want to. Doesn’t make us a lesser good parent. I did plenty of research on formula v breast but decided that formula would be the better option for our family.

So I specifically shouldn't have had my children? Because I found the combined 28 months of breastfeeding inconvenient or painful at times?

Just who do you think SHOULD have children?

Not what I said at all. But you know that, as you are being deliberately goady.

@Pottedpalm

she isn’t being goady. That’s exactly how I interpreted your posts as well. Basically you seem to me to be saying that a woman should only have a baby if she is willing to completely disregard her own mental and physical health. To be a martyr basically.

why do you seem to have so little compassion for women? Are you ok?

I’m ok thanks. Maybe work on your comprehension skills.

You literally said

Best not to have a baby, if it’s that much if an inconvenience.

And then clarified

You took my words out of context. I was commenting on CelesteCunningham ’s post listing all the ways in which breastfeeding impacted negatively on her.

That does rather imply you think I shouldn't have had my children because I found breastfeeding inconvenient at times. I'm not sure what other logical conclusion there is.

That’s how I interpreted it as well.

There are so many choices you make as a parent and you have to balance your needs with your babies/childs. I would argue that, especially as they get older, it is not a bad example to set to your children to show them that you will look after your own health (mental and physical) as well as theirs!

I BF for nearly two years but that was my personal choice and it was also for my own benefit as well. If I had hated it or didn’t want to do it for whatever reason, I wouldn’t have.

@Pottedpalm

my comprehension skills are fine.

you said what you said 🤷‍♀️

There's always times when mum has to put her needs first so she can cope with parenting. It's not realistic to always put others first, you'd go under eventually. With that there's got to be minimum standards for the child's safety and wellbeing and being fed suitable food is well within this.

I do think breast is best in that the milk is tailored for your baby and it’s totally natural, even though I had to formula feed my youngest as there was no way he was going to feed for various reasons. Obviously there is a very viable alternative- formula - for those who can’t, but there’s no denying that breastmilk is the best milk scientifically.
I did feel guilty about it and I could access support but it was more an issue with DS physically than me (I did pump for a week so he got colostrum at least).

Of course breast is best, your breast milk is custom made for your baby. However this doesn’t mean you should feel guilty for giving formula, breastfeeding isn’t for everyone but I do genuinely think if you want to do it and can ride out the first couple of months, it’s amazing. I’m sure your child will thrive, don’t feel guilty.

Thread about whether an NHS video about the benefits of BF is a Good Thing: turns into irrelevant BF v FF bunfight 🙄.

I'm going to say that the video is worthwhile, because there could be a lot of mothers who don't know the benefits, whose own female relatives all FF. They'll have heard breast is best but won't know why.

And I don't think the NHS is obliged to proselytise for FF in the interests of balance, because there are plenty of alternative sources of information about that.

But suppose they stop doing the videos because of cutbacks? Not the end of the world. We might find out whether they were making any difference. If BF rates go down, any knock-on health effects will take decades to play out, making them Somebody Else's Problem. And the extra business for FF manufacturers will boost GDP, jobs, and tax-take.

Things I would like to see: flexible employment practices for nursing mothers; positive non-prurient culture of public BF.

Thanks for steering the convo to a more productive place. It would be interesting to know what things others would like to see in terms of improvements if any for new mums in relation to feeding.

I would like:

• More prenatal info on potential breast feeding issues so you can prepare for them.

• More info on the pros and cons so people make a more informed decision. I’ve had more detailed advice on mumsnet that from any midwife and I wish I’d known about the benefits of combined feeding with first baby.

• Free breast pads, storage bags etc and better quality postnatal support if the government are so determined to get us all BF not just patronising animated videos that seem more aimed at my 4 year old.

• Less judgement on both sides.

Anyone else?

Nobody ever considers that the child is usually a factor in whether you can breastfeed. The blame is always heaped onto Mum. I had the same two breasts, but 3 very different experiences.

I have no children but - My friend’s son was a breast refuser. He just wouldn’t. This was a cause of huge distress to her because she was guilt tripped about it. He was bottle fed and is now a strapping grown man with a baby of his own.

I really want to breastfeed my second. But it has been hard. The thing that has kept me going is 2 of my friends have had babies recently and they are breastfeeding. One is having a decent time and she says “I’ve had very good breastfeeding journies with all 3 children - this is rare”

The other had a very hard time and paid for support (she also paid for a dula etc so she is happy to spend on this pregnancy due to losses prior). She was struggling until she received support and we were talking about how breast size impacts how you feed- the NHS don’t tell anyone this!

The fact that I am learning from my friends and not my midwife or NHS just shows how little support there still is for women. When I used formula for my first, I found that much easier despite it giving her constipation.

A lady on this thread actually listed a few tips for BF mothers, one was “stomach to stomach” - I tried that last night and it was a game changer. I’ve got cracked nipples - I don’t know if the latch is good but modwife says it is. I’ve given myself 2 months before going onto formula.

Why don’t the NHS have posters with tips on how to BF instead of just “breast is best”. If I was in the hospital waiting room and saw “stomach to stomach” with a cartoon diagram or “nipple to nose” for the latch - it’s much nicer.

Free advice for the NHS marketing team 😉

It did used to be tummy to mummy and CHIN, so Close, Head free to move so hands in a C shape around the shoulders, In line for neck and spine no twisting and all the body facing one direction, and Nose to nipple.

It's easier to demonstrate in person though which is why postnatal support is very important however a lot of councils have slashed funding.

Most cracking or pain is because the baby doesn't have a full mouth of breast and only has the nipple, or the position isn't sustainable so your baby slips.

The cessation of breastfeeding is almost always down to poor support and lack of available information for mums who wanted to breastfeed.

Sadly, for those of us who offer support it's better to be asked to support rather than offer because otherwise we risk being seen as pushy or pious about it. Its the opposite of the opinion we want to give but we also are passionate about it.

The most important thing is your mental health. The most important thing for baby is to be fed and have a happy mum. Do what is right for you. You are doing a great job :)

Thank you @Bex5490. I remember feeling very alone and that my experience was grotesquely different from every other new mother's....in reality of course I wasn't alone, a few do go through extreme situations like this.

My purpose is to highlight that others really have no business presuming (as a few posters seem to be doing) that there is anything 'selfish' about a non BF-ing mother. Please, just stay out of it and respect that their choices (if indeed they are choices) are sound.

If you don't you risk retraumatising people. It is several years now since this happened to me; but if anyone ever dared to claim I was 'selfish' even now I wouldn't trust my reaction.