To be sick of the breast is best brigade?

[Bex5490]

Currently sat in a maternity waiting room, waiting to be told that I have a condition which I’ll need to take another round of antibiotics for. Which as I’m breastfeeding will probably give my 1 month old baby ANOTHER round of visibly uncomfortable oral thrush.

There is a video on the TV screen about how everyone should breastfeed playing on loop and what a bloody wonderful thing it is…

With my last baby I had such bad mastitis and suffered through until it was unbearable. The only advice my midwife ever offers now or offered then was keep going with the breastfeeding because…breast is best.

One of my friends had a low milk supply and her baby screamed day and night almost giving her a nervous breakdown until she reluctantly gave in and guiltily offered the baby a bottle.

I know I don’t want to keep giving my baby thrush through the antibiotics or pump all day for a smidgen of milk…so I’m going to switch to formula but something inside still feels guilty and like I’m not doing right by my baby because of the 9 months of people chiming on about how…breast is best.

For the sake of a mother’s mental health surely the message should be a bit more nuanced…

OK - Probably hormonal and living on chunks of 2 hr naps. Rant over!

Of course Breast is Best..... if breastfeeding works for you and your baby.

With DC1 I tried and tried. At 12 weeks he was referred to Paediatric consultant as a "failure to thrive" case. The consultant told me my baby was screaming non stop because he was basically starving, and I needed to give him formula. I sobbed and sobbed and kept saying that everything I read (pre Internet days) told me Breast is Best. He gave me a very stern talking to and I went home, bought a steriliser, bottles and formula, and fed my baby a bottle feeling that I was a terrible mother.

With DS2, breastfeeding went like a dream.

I think women should absolutely be encouraged and supported to breastfeeding. But if, after trying, it's not working then they should NOT feel guilty for switching to a bottle/formula.

Do what's right for you and your baby, OP. And don't feel guilty.

Yanbu. Breast may well be best in an ideal world.

Unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world. Infant mortality rates have plummeted in recent decades. The improving quality and availability of formula is one of the myriad reasons why. (It is of course NOT the only reason, or the leading one, but it is a part of the picture)

In the past, babies who struggled to breastfeed were deemed as 'failure to thrive' and died. I'm quite certain those mothers would have quite happily switched to formula to save their babies. There is a reason it was invented after all.

I think not wanting to give your baby thrush because you need antibiotics (which may well be life saving, infection can turn to deadly sepsis much faster than most people realise) is a wholly and completely valid reason for switching to formula!

Why would anyone want to cause discomfort to their baby when there is a viable, reasonable and perfectly acceptable alternative?

Couldn't agree more

It's absolutely appalling how new mums are made to feel for not breastfeeding, as if they don't have enough on their plate!!

@SherbetDips

Yes I wanted to make sure I could get into a routine & sleep schedule. Bottle feeding meant this was easier.

Also I wanted to be able to go out for a few hours on my own. I was back at work at 4 months with DD. So it would have been tricky if she wasn't able to take a bottle.

Both mine were bottle fed & were rarely ill either as babies or toddlers or small children. I have I think only taken 1 day off work to look after them. So taking a bottle didn't seem to affect them health wise. No allergies either.

There's so many new Mums on here who never sleep & I think an exhausted parent is potentially dangerous. It can have a huge impact on mental health & wellbeing of both parents.

Many parents don't give anything to a baby other than breast milk until 6 months old so that is a huge responsibility for a new Mum. I'm pretty sure they are hungry once they get bigger & sleep even less. If a grandparent or Dad could do a night or early morning feed then the Mum would be able to sleep.

Of course Breast is Best..... if breastfeeding works for you and your baby.

Agreed. I've always felt like it's true that breastmilk is best - if comparing just the physical liquids. But of course that's not the only thing to be considered - there's the mental health of the mother, supply problems, pain, sleep, convenience, others being able to feed the baby, health issues with the baby, CMPA, antibiotics & thrush as OP mentions etc etc. And for every mother, how those things get considered will be different depending on personal preference and how things go. To only look in isolation at the liquid that's being fed is ignoring a big part of picture overall.

Women do themselves no favours martyring themselves bf throughout the night at 6 months old. What the hell?

I disagree that women breastfeeding this way are all martyring themselves. If it works for them, it's fine and doesn't necessitate a "what the hell?" response.

This is blatant lies. I know many many people would like this to be true for their own benefit, but the fact is it's simply is not!

When I was in for my c section they couldn't have been less interested in making sure I had successfully started breastfeeding once I had recovered from pph. Even the "breastfeeding specialist" midwife on day 3 just said we would have to top up with formula. On that basis I would say yabu to suggest that there is an obsession with breastfeeding. It's accepted that breast milk is specifically created and designed for babies, but little support for mums who wants to breastfeed.

But it is best for the baby and the UK has a low breast feeding rate. Messages have to be simple to be effective. So why shouldn't that be the message?
Having said that more breast feeding support should be available for new mothers

I bottle fed all three from birth, told them I was going to and that was the end of that discussion!

I also really believe that if men were the producers of the milk the advice would be incredibly different.

I really feel like there’s something societally that rewards or champions the suffering of women. Like ‘oh hasn’t she done a great job for doing everything completely naturally and going through all that pain and suffering. Look how she persevered. I mean yes she’s got no visible vagina left and only 1 nipple…but she did a great job!’ 😂

Because it’s infantilising and doesn’t engender trust?

And again. How much better? By what metric? Is it worth a mother not sleeping for six months or having to change her diet completely? That lack of nuance kills the argument because as soon as people come with up with any case where breast is not best the whole message can be thrown out, it’s been shown to be untrustworthy.

Best is informed and supported

Fed is the bare minimum

Breast is the biological norm

4 children, all have been breastfed, all for different amounts of time. One baby I managed 3 days, another I did 5 years.

The lack of support is what strikes me. We pump women full of breast is best rhetoric but when the going gets tough there's very little hands on support provided and women and left to struggle, then feel like they've failed.

All women should be fully informed and supported to feed their baby how they wish, whether that's breast, formula, pumping or a mixture.

Of course breast milk is optimal.

You only have to compare the poo of a bf and ff baby to see that!

But luckily, good quality formula is available for anyone that doesn't want to or can't breastfeed for any reason.

FF first 2, breast feeding third. When it works it genuinely is easier than formula. It didn’t work at all with my first two. They are all equally lovely.

i would look into whether lots of antibiotics impacts childrens teeth as I have heard (although not done significant research into it) that multiple uses of antibiotics can impact childrens teeth?! So that may impact your decision to keep going with it?

I only breast fed my babies for a few weeks because that is what suited me and my family but I agree with breast is best and i don't feel bad at all about the fact I I mostly formula fed them. I think you are taking it too personally op.

A mum who knows that baby will choose- sorry, badly phrased!! Basically I intended to bf. DS1 had other ideas. Full term, healthy baby- but refused. Screamed like hell at every attempt. 5 days in hospital with senior midwives trying to get him to feed. Sensible community mw and GP reassured me that ff was fine. Comm mw told me he was doing what her second child had done - ‘give him the bottle’.

In my blue book next time round I wrote ‘baby will decide’ in answer to the question about feeding. Mw snorted in derision at that - so I’m afraid I wasn’t backwards at coming forwards with my views!

Best is informed and supported

Fed is the bare minimum

Breast is the biological norm

Well put. “Fed is best” is such infantilising patronising bullshit. Fed is essential, fed with what is a choice in the U.K. Human milk created for a human baby and changing constantly to suit the baby is the best option. We’re lucky to have access to clean water and breast milk substitute formula where a woman can’t or chooses not to breastfeed.

IMO, if you only compare substance with substance then breast milk is better than formula.

It doesn’t necessarily follow that breastfeeding is better than formula feeding because of many other factors involved. If you can BF with minimal issues and you get on with it well then, great. If not, the act of formula feeding is probably a better choice for you and your family.

It is a very personal and nuanced decision. I’m not saying you are doing this with your post at all but best not to pit FF and BF mothers against each other.

It’s not just lack of support that is the issue - but lack of honesty about feeding problems. All the literature I read and the antenatal class guidance said about babies who might not feed well focused on ill or prem babies. Mine was neither. Maybe this has improved - DS2 is now 16. But I remember being enraged at the basic dishonesty.

Not one mw could get DS1 to match properly - not one. I had to express and cupfeed. I am so grateful to my community midwife for telling me that she’d bf her first and third, but her second had done what mine was doing, and she’d bottlefed him. I didn’t get any of that in hospital - just a load of ‘breast is best’ guilt.

Latch, not match!

@Leonarda89 have you read the Emily Osters book? She explains why she discounts several studies (based on their research methods) - she does say there are some minimal benefits, and that she chose to bf as she felt it brought her and baby closer, but that realistically on balance the effects are small. Do you have some particular studies that refute her claims?

I bf my own baby so I'm not 'trying to make myself feel better' (horrible argument!) just think we should be more honest about it! I would 100% think bf is better if there's no access to sterile water/ contamination concerns, but that's not the case in the UK.

When I'd just had a C-section with DS3, the midwife helping me to express milk (I'd had GD so it was recommended that his first feed was breastmilk) told me that she never, ever lectures new mums about BF.

She developed PPD so severe that she was sectioned, all because she was unable to BF and she was plagued by guilt and pressure to do so.

I truly admired her honesty and compassion. Lovely woman.

you can breastfeed babies on routine….?

Not really. You’re encouraged to breastfeed on demand and because it doesn’t fill them for long.

Formula is an UPF and breast milk is organic and freshly produced at the source. It would be pointless to pretend that one isn't "better" than the other.

However a million other things play a role in how happy or healthy a child will turn out, so BM vs Formula is the least of anyone's worries.