To be sick of the breast is best brigade?

[Bex5490]

Currently sat in a maternity waiting room, waiting to be told that I have a condition which I’ll need to take another round of antibiotics for. Which as I’m breastfeeding will probably give my 1 month old baby ANOTHER round of visibly uncomfortable oral thrush.

There is a video on the TV screen about how everyone should breastfeed playing on loop and what a bloody wonderful thing it is…

With my last baby I had such bad mastitis and suffered through until it was unbearable. The only advice my midwife ever offers now or offered then was keep going with the breastfeeding because…breast is best.

One of my friends had a low milk supply and her baby screamed day and night almost giving her a nervous breakdown until she reluctantly gave in and guiltily offered the baby a bottle.

I know I don’t want to keep giving my baby thrush through the antibiotics or pump all day for a smidgen of milk…so I’m going to switch to formula but something inside still feels guilty and like I’m not doing right by my baby because of the 9 months of people chiming on about how…breast is best.

For the sake of a mother’s mental health surely the message should be a bit more nuanced…

OK - Probably hormonal and living on chunks of 2 hr naps. Rant over!

If women are so key to the survival of the human race, then why aren’t they treated better? Why would they want to continue to do it? What’s in it for them? No wonder the rate of population is dropping.

good question

Going to work. Leaving the baby with their father for a social occasion. Going to a medical appointment (I had a bottle refuser who had a strict feeding schedule she chose herself and a dental appointment at an inconvenient time, that wasn't easy). Using the benefits of modern science to opt out of cracked nipples. Using the benefits of modern science to share the load with her husband. Using the benefits of modern science to avoid the misery of mastitis (which I and every other breastfeeding mother I know had more than once).

After nine months of pregnancy, and often a TTC journey, women sometimes want their bodies back. Good for them.

They keep coming back, don’t they? Just when we thought it was going so well.

Because not all of us want to breastfeed our babies.

It’s sad but it shows that FF mums aren’t wrong to feel judged unfairly because they are. In the same way that a PP about BF mums being earth warriors with dirty sandals shows that BF mums are judged too.

I myself have been guilty of seeing women breastfeeding a child I assumed looks too old and silently judging. And I like to think of myself as a feminist.

It’s good to see it from both sides I guess because ultimately we’re all just trying to do the best for our kids without it destroying our mental health or bodies. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Thanks for the advice - I’ve been given antibiotic cream so I will continue to combine feeding. Some formula and some BF which works well for me 😊

Who are the judgy ones!! Only 17% of women are exclusively BF after 3 months. BF refers are a rare breed not the vocal majority.

As I just said, I think this thread illustrates that there’s judgment on both sides. The fact that there’s less BF mums doesn’t mean there isn’t judgement. Why do you seem to want an us vs them?

Best not to have a baby, if it’s that much if an inconvenience. A high percentage of mothers breast feed for at least a few weeks, which suggests that the benefits are well understood.
I think you are stretching it a bit with your ‘modern science’ to avoid cracked nipples and mastitis. Neither are inevitable. I breast fed DTs for a year and suffered with neither of those.

Good for you. Like I said, almost all my friends breastfed and we all had cracks at the start (some worse than others, one had a horrendous time) and all had mastitis at various points along the way too.

Perhaps you think it's best not to have a baby if you're going to use childcare too. Our views don't align.

So a woman in a loving relationship who will be a brilliant mother for all types of reasons and skills that she has shouldn’t have a baby because she doesn’t want to BF? 😂

In my case I think I tried, really tried though not hard enough Don't lump me in with those who have chosen not to breastfeed.....I don't say they are wrong (I don't want to be judgey about anyone) just that I don't think I really had much of a choice.

I remember being in my hospital bed recovering from my emergency CS after pre-eclampsia being greeted by a 'Breast is Best' poster on the wall opposite. Complete with a healthy pink & white baby....so different from my premature, 2lb, translucent-skinned scrap fighting for his life down the corridor.

Oh the pressure to produce milk with the breast pump - 'your baby needs nourishment and that's where you come in!' I didn't know how it was meant to work. What I remember about the pressure to breast feed - guilt, pain, the odd miraculous drop of milk.

But the experience of putting my DS drops of milk in the 'milk bank' (big fridge) - writing my barely alive DS's long name on the tiny syringes in tiny letters and putting them in there and seeing them dwarfed by the giant bottles of milk proudly bearing other babies' names.

Until DS deteriorated, nearly died and I just felt I couldn't do it anymore.....FF from then on. I feel guilty about that to this day, like I let him down. It is easily the most traumatising thing about an extremely hard time.

@Pottedpalm

lol you are one of those people that think a woman should never go out without baby, never share night feeds, not go back to work etc etc otherwise they are selfish and a bad mother and should never have had a baby

thank goodness people like you are few and far between these days

This is so heartbreaking to read and I’m so sorry that you had to experience that ❤️

I’m not sure I understand you?

Is there evidence to suggest children who were breastfed are more likely to become obese?

Because breastfeeding rates are very low in the UK. I can’t imagine that it is specifically mothers who breastfeed who allow their children to become obese.

Is there evidence to suggest children who were breastfed are more likely to become obese?

Nope.

I'm saying the preachers who allow their kids to get fat, suddenly run out of wind.

In other words, after the milk stage, they take their eye off the nutrition ball and end up a lot less preachy.

Hardly a rare breed.

The rate of any breastfeeding at six weeks was 55% (rising from 48% in 2005), while at six months it was 34% (rising from 25% in 2005).

The benefits of breast feeding are largely nothing to do with 'child not becoming obese' !!

^It’s sad but it shows that FF mums aren’t wrong to feel judged unfairly because they are. In the same way that a PP about BF mums being earth warriors with dirty sandals shows that BF mums are judged too.*

The difference being one 'side' has the weight science and truth on their side, the other is bitchy conjecture

There’s a lot of really good points on this thread and some really crap ones.

OP I am sorry you are having such a rough time of it, I would really recommend getting some support if you can, the breast feeding network are great. Unfortunately some women are just more prone to getting repeated bouts of mastitis.

The UK does have very low rates of breast feeding hence the campaigns, but the ‘marketing’ is pretty useless if there isn’t any support to back it up.

While it’s true that some woman can not produce enough milk, this is a small percentage and if all woman who were experiencing problems breastfeeding got proper support more would be able to continue.

Formula feeding is part of the culture in this country, my mum breastfed me in the 90s and she said it was a very lonely time and it took her months to meet another breastfeeding mum. Many women choose to formula feed straight away, and of course that is their right. And for some they feel they have no choice due to returning back to work so early, but in the US people go back to work much earlier and yet BF rates are higher. So I’m not convinced that’s the reason.

As a Breast feeding mum I have felt judgment from FF mums. I remember breastfeeding my tiny premature Baby at group and having 3 mums staring asking why she was so small and wouldn’t formula help her grow faster. I am quite a thick skinned person but that still bothered me and it makes me mad as if I was someone more sensitive it could have easily pushed me over the edge. But I am also just mad as they were obviously just so uninformed about feeding and had never contemplated BF themselves. One of them even rolled their eyes when I explained that when she was born she was initially on donor breast milk as it was easier for her to digest than formula while I was waiting for my milk to come in.

Agreed.

What kind of science is it to say that a woman is selfish for not breastfeeding and shouldn’t have kids?

Well, lots of people would say ‘Fed’ is the absolute bare minimum, wouldn’t you agree?

The Fed is best vs Breast is best argument is far too simplistic. There are so many more things to take into account when comparing the two but surely it would be unfair on babies if women were not educated about the benefits of breast milk itself (and the benefits of breastfeeding for a mother, too).

I am convinced natural is best unless there is something detrimental going on which means alternatives are needed. Obviously mum and babies health are a significant factor in the decision, as it should be. However for the average healthy mum and baby I believe that breast milk is superior because it is tailored specifically for that individual baby. Breast feeding, when it goes as it should, is easy and you barely need to wake up to feed your baby at night.

Bottle feeding is a great alternative for when things aren't working as they should and we are lucky that we have that alternative. However it is expensive and less convenient overall. The important thing is baby is fed and mum is coping, whatever method is chosen.