Horrible experience in supermarket

[Sally922]

Went to Sainsburys today and I could have just cried. Im a young mum and have a new baby and DP is working today so went by self and still trying to navigate things as it’s all new. I’m just feeling quite overwhelmed. First thing was baby started crying in the trolley, I was trying to soothe her and people were looking and some lady kept passing and raising her eyebrows and giving me a funny look. And then got some comments ‘someone’s not very happy’. Feel like they were judging me. I then got stuck on an aisle as it was busy and I couldn’t move forward. Two older men were behind me and were getting impatient and one said ‘just ram it into her legs’ and the other said ‘I think I might do in a minute’ I felt rushed but the aisle was too busy. Feel like rubbish now

Heck, there are some real charmers out there, aren't there? Talk about 'have you always been this ignorant or did you have to work at it?' You were queueing to check out - what did they think you were doing - waiting for the bus? Anyone like that deserves the 'go slow' treatment, to wind them up even more - but I can well imagine you just wanted to get away from the stupid gits.

Makes them feel good to put vulnerable people down. They’re insecure and can’t resist. I learned to grow a thick skin fast.

Online shopping way forward, However depending on what you had in your shopping basket the 2 old gits behind ramming you could be wearing a milkshake.....
Seriously a video of them and tell them you were reporting tom police for causing fear or alarm would give them a shock.

Honestly, if online shopping had been available when my dc were little, I wouldn't have set foot in a supermarket until the youngest was at school.
OP, be kind to yourself. Do everything you can to make life easier.

You are giving me flashbacks. My boys are now 12 and 9. When youngest was 1 or 2 he was a total handful. I needed to buy wheetabix because that was pretty much all he would eat. I hauled both kids out to supermarket mid morning, got a basket of groceries, queued with agitated 1 yo (you know the arm wrangling) and my 3-4yo was trying to entertain him.

I was in the wrong queue (for the pay as you go till, not the self scan)

I was almost crying with the baby being agitated by the time I got to the front and realised. The Tesco worker marched me to the back of the other queue, wouldn’t let me step across into the right queue even though other shoppers offered to let me in.

I burst into tears… both kids dismayed. Not my finest hour at all. Tesco Lady kept saying ‘it’s the rules’ in a patronising barking way.

I’m 8 years on from this time, with wonderful boys, a very busy happy family unit and buoyant mental health all round 🫣( But that experience at the supermarket on that day nearly broke me at the time).

Ignore the fuckers. It’s a reflection on them, not you. Everyone likes to judge but few people like to look inwards.

It’ll pass OP. It gets so much easier.

Sweetheart I’m sorry it sucked for you. You left the house. That’s an amazing feat! You’re doing an amazing job. Soon you will have zero fucks to give for the opinions of random old men and tutting old ladies. You’ll tell them where to jam their opinions like the rest of us want them to. I wish I had seen you out and about. I would have definitely told you I’m so proud of you!

Bless you, I remember feeling the exact same way, like everyone was tutting and raising eyebrows. I wasn't a young mum but look young for my age. Got so many comments like "tut, these teenage mums" etc. The good news is, after having kids you develop this no bullshit attitude. Give it 6 months and you'll be telling them horrible old men to go fuck themselves.
Don't fret OP, I promise it gets easier as you get more confident x

Absolutely!

This!

You were unlucky to run into the two arseholes, but forget them and everyone else. I bet they weren't giving you funny looks.

Next time, have shopping delivered. Or make sure that dc is fed and in good mood when you go, and go at a quiet time.

You're doing great!

It’s good to get out with baby and try to ignore miserable horrible people and their comments - I wish I had been there - I’d have helped you and given those two nasty men a piece of my mind !
xxx

I work in a supermarket. All staff where I work will make sure your stress free. Supermarkets love new mums..they spend ! The public however are morons. Never ever feel like this again. Take your new mum self out and ignore. ❤️

My heart goes out to you! So sorry to hear about your tough time..what a shame those people didn’t stop to think, to ask if they could help or just share as I do, “ we’ve all been there and hang in there!” I felt so emotional and tired in those early months and shopping is bloody hard with a baby! Take care and remember it says more about them as people than anything.

Saying “someone doesn’t look happy” is actually empathy in most circumstances. Not criticism. It’s more often than not a comment someone makes trying to make you feel a little better as they’ve likely been in the same situation.

Af for the old men….don’t tolerate stuff like that. Stressed or not. Turn around and give them what for! Ask them if they were raised with lack of compassion and basic manners or whether or not they’re just choosing be a holes

People are knobs, end of. It says more about them than it does you x

Don’t let it put you off though, it’s good to get out and about.

I always use the Sainsbury’s smart shop app. You can scan your shopping and pack as you go along, then you send it to the self service till and pay, it’s so quick and easy, you feel no pressure trying to do everything all at once.

Im sorry you had such an awful experience! Well done for getting out, I hope you can keep doing this even though you’ve had this bad treatment.

my baby hated the supermarket for the first month or two but she’s fine now. I think they’re quite overwhelming places for them

I sometimes go oh some ones not happy if a baby or toddler is crying but follow it by saying i hate shopping as well , and don't mean it nastilly and have a bit chat with the mam about wait till they get older popping shopping in the trolley by then toddler is totally distracted

‘But if you did that, you’d get my fist in your face and then your false teeth will go flying and eat that cake without the rest of you’ 😏

Oh OP I am sorry that you are so upset and feeling rubbish. I have been there, many of us have, feeling stressed and self-conscious and humiliated by other people's lack of patience and manners.

A judgemental man on a bus once told me I would have to get off if I couldn't make my child be quiet. I can still feel how my face burned! But I bet he never wrangled a hungry, tired baby alone, ever in his life.

DS turned out to be ND so we've had quite a few very loud moments in public over the years, causing mayhem and obstruction. Gosh did I learn pretty fast not to give a flying fig what strangers think! I ignore them and focus on my child's needs.

You will too OP. They don't walk in your shoes, and if you were them, you know that you would behave with much more grace and kindness.

If I met that snide man now and he thought he could say anything to me - woe betide him 👿

I’m so sorry that happened. You are doing brilliantly to get out and about with your new baby - it’s massive! Well done you. Don’t let those fuckers get you down - they are probably miserable themselves. Focus on yourself and your new baby. ❤️

I do all my shopping on line now though I remember my tiny son in a pram, venturing out shopping.
Those guys were horrible towards you, I might mentioned their words and behaviour if I'd walked past a manager on the way out.

I usually smile at the poor parent and say don't worry we have all been there. With kids its never ending drudgery some days and you cant do right for doing wrong at times. I'd like to say it gets better but I think you either develop a thicker skin or become immune to it all. But see em feckers of men, I'd have shoved my trolley sideways where the sun doesn't shine haha. Great they can comment, when did they rear kids? Cheeky buggers. You are doing your best and babies cry, always at the most inconvenient time too. It's just the way it is. Huge hugs to you, treat yourself to something nice and don't you mind anyone who makes you feel that way

Two old men were behind you in a busy aisle where you couldn’t move and threatened to shove the trolley into you?

Yes I agree OP it would've been said in a nice way.

As for the other arseholes..... they aren't worth your time.

If I'd been in that queue and heard that comment directed towards you, I'd have stood up to them....on your behalf 🙂

I think "someone's not very happy" is meant to be a sympathetic, jokey remark. I have made such comments myself, but not as a criticism of the Mum, just to lighten the atmosphere. As it seems it may cause upset to new Mums I will be cautious in making such jokes in future.

The man who suggested bashing the trolley into you is just a rude pig. If he had done such a thing it would be an assault.

I sympathise with you greatly OP. I found new motherhood very difficult (many, many years ago). Even things like getting on a bus with a push chair I found very daunting.

I could start a whole thread about men in supermarkets (no, not ‘all men’ before anyone starts). Pushing their trollies like they’re imagining a Ferrari, never an ‘excuse me’ or ‘can I just past/to that item’ - it’s like no one else exists around them. And god forbid you get to the queue just before them - twice in the last couple of weeks I’ve had two separate strange men stand within my full personal space because I got there before they were nearing. I’ve mentally dared them to push ahead or into me because I have a whole load of ‘fuck right off’ ready to brew over. But I’m three kids and several years into parenting (sen kids and many meltdowns/running off in public) so my ‘fuck off’ vibe to anyone giving the stink eye is probably resonating by now.