Horrible experience in supermarket

[Sally922]

Went to Sainsburys today and I could have just cried. Im a young mum and have a new baby and DP is working today so went by self and still trying to navigate things as it’s all new. I’m just feeling quite overwhelmed. First thing was baby started crying in the trolley, I was trying to soothe her and people were looking and some lady kept passing and raising her eyebrows and giving me a funny look. And then got some comments ‘someone’s not very happy’. Feel like they were judging me. I then got stuck on an aisle as it was busy and I couldn’t move forward. Two older men were behind me and were getting impatient and one said ‘just ram it into her legs’ and the other said ‘I think I might do in a minute’ I felt rushed but the aisle was too busy. Feel like rubbish now

If anyone is judging you for that then they have clearly never had children and therefore their opinion is irrelevant. More likely they were being sympathetic, I would have thought

Agree with this! Usually said ruefully and with sympathy - we've all been there!

But my sympathies OP -it is an awful to feel like that. I did too as a new mum.

Absolutely unacceptable behaviour from those men 😡 I have had some awful experiences pushing my pram along pavements with male drivers trying to park on the pavement/drive across it to a parking space and literally driving straight at me and expecting me to get out of the way quickly with a small child in tow too. Same trying to cross the road.

After one awful incident where the guy got abusive because I didn't move my fat arse quickly enough (it was a spot where the pavement ended so I had to cross over and couldn't because he had driven straight at me - in the full knowledge I was trying to cross the road - so I had to turn around and go back the way I had come) my husband went back to his house that night and let all his tyres down. Bad I know, but it made me feel better.

Sorry you experienced this OP, some people are just dicks. Congratulations on your new baby, I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job.

I recall taking DD food shopping when she was a few weeks old and she was starting to grumble a bit. A woman turned to her husband and muttered "she needs to feed that baby, not be out shopping". DD had been fed about 20 minutes earlier, and even if she hadn't, the rest of the family needed to eat too! Really upset me at the time, but now I'd know to just ignore.

This is terribly sad. What the hell is going on nowadays? 😨

Unfortunately, there are some people who are extremely intolerant and insensitive. You went shopping on your own with your baby and your partner is away; all very hard work and you are likely feeling vulnerable (which is normal). I can remember people making tutting comments on a bus when my son was a baby and crying on a bus. I felt sad and overwhelmed by it all. Please take care of yourself and remember there are many many people who totally appreciate the hard work and juggling involved with bringing a baby (or babies) shopping.
'Detach' from these comments as much as you can, caring for babies/children on your own is very hard work

Most of the comments and looks would have been looks of sympathy/on your side.

The 2 men sound like absolute dicks and I would have said that all they needed to say was “excuse me” and you would have moved.

But honestly fuck them and forget them.

They would have been dicks to anyone but unfortunately you were there.

You did great today.
Next time, try and find a quiet aisle and go to the side to comfort your baby and then keep an eye out for anyone trying to get to the shelves next to you.

Please don’t let this put you off.
The more you do it the easier it gets.
Perhaps practice with going just to buy one or two things.

Unless they said it scowling I wouldn’t take the ‘someone’s not happy’ as a criticism. Like pp have said, often it’s more a sympathetic ‘been there’ nod. You learn to just ignore any tutting and eye rolls from others but it’ll take a bit of time but you will harden to it. They forget they were screaming babies themselves once.

The people making comments were being sympathetic, OP. I know it probably didn’t sound like it when you were stressed because they use a funny kind of mock eye-rolling tone, but I’m sure they were. Don’t worry about them.

The men were nasty idiots, but sadly there’s a lot of them about. I had a twat in a car beep me because I was crossing the road ‘too slowly’. I was 8 months pregnant, pushing my toddler in a pushchair and had a massive rucksack on my back full of shopping, but obviously I should just have run across the road so that Mr Twat didn’t have to wait those extra 5 seconds.

Ignore them 💐 It’s hard taking baby out at first, but it will get easier. Try to get as much shopping delivered as possible. That helps a lot in the early days.

I can understand why it makes sense for some posters on here to say order online because you won't have the supermarket stress, but I think it might set up problems for the future. It can be pretty scary to be a first-time mum, because you're navigating the unknown. But if you avoid interacting with the outside world with your new baby when will you feel comfortable to do that? I would have loved nothing better than to not venture out of my front door (and I did have a diagnosis of PND), and I didn't understand how to deal with this new creature. There was no such thing as on-line shopping then.

A couple of months after the birth of my baby I made myself get on a train and travel to a different area on my own with him for the day. This give me that bit of confidence that I could walk down the road and go into the local supermarket with him, or anywhere else. I think a lot of people will have sympathy for you op, so try and ignore ignorant sods.

OP, congratulations, crying in the supermarket is a rite of passage for a new mum. Welcome to the club. 💪

My sister many years ago 19 years she had same sort of thing happening in tescos.
Her being her look at this lady giving her the tut and eye roll said very loud why dont you come over and have a have go at parenting see if your any better.
Another time she was out on market day huge tantrum kicked of screaming crying trowing him self on the floor omg huge tantrum.
3 little old ladys stopped and started looking again she said so loud its ok admission is free £1 per pitcher.
Now if she sees anyone with kids having melt downs she just looks its ok love mine were bloody worse.

And the time at the beach all 3 off them playing up over ice cream i think she shouted ok freak show starting everyone gather round shes so loud they were a little older then i think she embarrassed then as they did stopped.

So many stories about her and her kids tantrums.

@Sally922 please don’t listen to this nonsense. Children and babies have the right to occupy public spaces. Aside from that, it’s completely impractical to never go into a shop with your children. It’s the rude men who should stay at home.

Agreed.

How old is 'new'? I wore (as they say nowadays, the silly people) my baby from when she was six weeks and big enough not to slide out of a mothercare sling. There are better designs about, nowadays. Baby on your chest, or later, on your back watching everything over your shoulder, leaves your arms free for whatever you need to do.

A poster upthread said 'They're cunts'. I agree. And yes, we have all cried in supermarkets. You're doing fine, and the rest of the world can go to hell, really.

Those men were just weird. The other comments will be from people who have been there and done that and are being sympathetic. I am like that whenever I see babies crying or toddlers tantruming. There is nothing to worry about there.

Other than the men who presumably are of the idiot type who beep their horns when no one is moving in a traffic jam, I suspect you are perhaps being a bit oversensitive. I think most people are sympathetic to parents trying to comfort crying babies, and what you saw as judgement was meant as understanding. Please don't take it personally.

I'm not saying babies don't have the RIGHT to be there. That is not the point. I'm just saying why make life unduly hard for yourself when you can shop another day and DP can look after baby.

I'm sorry OP, I love taking my baby shopping as I can strap him into the trolley and he likes looking at things, so as long as I don't have too much to get (if it takes too long, meltdown). But definitely only when it's quiet, if it's busy in the shop it turns into a nightmare. Those men behind you I would have definitely confronted, disgusting behaviour. It's definitely not you, don't worry, a lot of those people will remember those days and feel sorry for you and baby so please don't feel bad.

In the supermarket the other day whilst I was putting something else in the trolley my toddler put three punnets of berries in we didn't need so I tried to put back but she insisted on doing it. Flustered by a grizzly baby I let her and of course she slammed them down so there were berries everywhere. I felt honour bound to buy them at an outrageous price and whilst I was scanning our shopping through the till she decided she wanted her coat which had somehow ended up under the basket and yanked hard, tipping the basket upside down. Washing liquid everywhere, eggs exploded, and the fecking berries all over the floor again in the very small self checkout area. Then baby starts screaming the place down. I could have died. Luckily a very kind checkout lady and two customers helped me. No doubt others were tutting but such is life. So please ignore dickheads, we all have those kind of days with children.

The "someone's not happy today" comment would not have been a dig. it is just a throw away comment and not meant to make you feel bad.

Honestly it's not always like that. I remember when I had my third and she was a couple of weeks old I was with the two toddlers and her at Asda. She was properly screaming and the boys were kicking off. I was desperately trying to unload the shopping. The couple behind me said "you pick her up" then one of them unpacked the other packed a whole trolley full. Another man behind them entertained my boys with silly games. I think I cried from the kindness.
I'm sorry they were twats, hope it's better next time. 💐

Huge sympathies OP, I’ve experienced similar so many times. The majority of the public hate mothers and children, especially young mothers. You get used to just ignoring them (and thinking f*ck you in your head)but even still I have times in public where I am completely overwhelmed and everyone seems to hate me and my children. It’s a really problem with society. If I saw you I’d smile in solidarity and help you out.

Mine saved her nuclear meltdowns for Sainsbury’s. Every. Bloody. Time.
people should be kinder (oh the fucking be kind hashtags). Ironically, my now 16 year old and I were in the same store today. We had a lovely time (small wins, teenage crap).
it gets easier. Sending hand hold xx

Take a deep breath, get as much rest as you can, and start again afresh tomorrow. People can be shit, and sometimes we can be a little over senstitive due to tiredness, hormones etc etc which makes it feel worse.
Anyone who comments about a new mum trying their best, is a prat and deserves whatever is coming their way.
Maybe next time a delivery might help, just for the next few weeks/months. Rhen when you do go out it can be for more enjoyable things and you can get away more easily if dc are unhappy

Best of luck @Sally922 it can be tough going

I'm furious on your behalf OP. I only wish that i were in earshot of those cunty old bastards because I would have given them an absolute dressing down and they would have likely ended up with a bottle of Daddies sauce rammed where the sun don't shine! I sincerely hope that when they are doddery and slow around a supermarket they get their cumupence.

The other comments aren't really malicious, but when you have a newborn and it starts wailing in a supermarket, you just want to slide under the radar at first and not have people draw attention to it. Fortunately i have never experienced such negativity or unpleasantness when i had my babies. Hopefully you were just unlucky, although i was mid 30s when i had mine and less likely to take crap. For future reference, if something like this happens again, find the nearest member of staff and explain that you and your baby have just been threatened with physical assault and then watch as the bastards get their arses hauled out of the store. Alternatively, just turn around and stare at their trousers or shoes and say , " yuk, that's revolting!" and leave them feeling slightly anxious and self conscious!

Ignore them and be kind to yourself! Some days are easy and some are hard, shopping with a tiny screaming baby is awful. I used to feel like this when people said things like “ooh he sounds hungry “ it would make me so angry but I get they were probably just trying to sympathise.

those men sound awful!