Horrible experience in supermarket

[Sally922]

Went to Sainsburys today and I could have just cried. Im a young mum and have a new baby and DP is working today so went by self and still trying to navigate things as it’s all new. I’m just feeling quite overwhelmed. First thing was baby started crying in the trolley, I was trying to soothe her and people were looking and some lady kept passing and raising her eyebrows and giving me a funny look. And then got some comments ‘someone’s not very happy’. Feel like they were judging me. I then got stuck on an aisle as it was busy and I couldn’t move forward. Two older men were behind me and were getting impatient and one said ‘just ram it into her legs’ and the other said ‘I think I might do in a minute’ I felt rushed but the aisle was too busy. Feel like rubbish now

Agree the ‘someone’s not happy’ comments are extremely irritating although generally harmless. I used to respond ‘yes, babies do tend to cry don’t they’’.

What the men said was outrageous and it’s difficult to respond in the moment but when people say things like that, you should respond with something loudly like ‘you want to ram me in the legs because someone else is blocking me from moving forward? You disgusting little men, you are threatening to assault a woman with a baby, seriously’!

I doubt you’ll come across people like that too often though so don’t sweat it.

Agree that online deliveries are the way forward but not always possible if you’ve run out of something and need it quick.

Sadly you have to learn to give as good as you get as a mum with a baby as there are plenty of pathetic people who like to put the boot in if you give off a ‘vulnerable’ vibe.

Where do you live? Never have I ever experienced anything like this in a Supermarket! Hope you are okay.

You've had a horrible experience but you have got through it. Hopefully you are now home and able to relax. When you've had some reflection time work out the positives and maybe look at better ways of shopping ie online delivery, find out quieter times and go then.

Thats rubbish for you, but there are some lovely people in this world also. I can remember when my ds was tiny and screaming in the trolley, this lovely lady came over and offered to cuddle him whilst I packed my bags. She waked back to the car with me and soothed him until I'd put the shopping away and popped him in the car seat asleep. She gave me the biggest hug. I'll never forget her kindness.

Hopefully the men are single. I wouldn't want to think of some poor person living with the type of person who threatens to assault women. Could you order a delivery so you never have to bump into them again?

I agree with this. People may have been giving you sympathetic looks.
But the trolley ramming comment is horrible.

The old men would piss me off so much! Particularly as I am ALWAYS stuck behind old people in the supermarket. It doesn't bother me, everyone has the right to shop, but as obstructions go, I have noticed far more old people holding things up than parents with babies and toddlers.

I think you have a confidence issue and believe people are judging you. Those looking at you might well be sympathetic. Everytime I see babies and toddlers misbehaving in public, I remembered how bad it was. It’s never a judgment on poor parenting.

I hope you are ok now OP

When my one was a baby my then H decided to get our groceries delivered. Is this something you could do to make life easier?

I'm 55 and reading your post took me straight back to being a new mum.
Why people feel obliged to offer their stupid opinions remains a mystery to me.
Someone threatened to slap my child's legs once when he was tantrumming in a supermarket.
It passes. You are doing a great job. Try your absolute level best to ignore them xx

Yet we are lead to believe that the majority of people are nice.
What CFs, I would have definitely flipped at that or atleast let them know I'd heard it.
I used to hate shopping with my baby, he was a crier too and I used to hate the attention he would draw to us when I was trying to just go in and out 😅🤦🏼‍♀️ it does take getting used to.

I had similar issues when I had my first daughter nearly 20 years ago, it upset me if I was out in public and someone made comments such as “Oh dear!”, “Someone’s not happy” if she cried, likewise if she did something to attract attention such as kicking her shoes and socks off. It took a lot for me to realise people didn’t mean to judge me negatively and things like that were just a natural thing for people to say, I found old people were the worst for making me feel that way. I would definitely have been angry if someone had done to me what those people did to you no matter how old my child was.

Saturday is normally a busy day. Those aisles are never quite big enough. People are impatient. It's normal- but a pain.

I would worry about the 'tired' comment. That's just been made to empathise with you- as other posters have said.

OP. I have it said to me and I also say to others "oh dear someone's not happy or having a sad moment" etc and it's 100% mum solidarity. But context is key so if what was a woman with a sympathetic smile it is very unlikely to be judgement.

However, absolutely appalled to read that men were joking about hurting you because of the speed of the queue. That's so nasty and yet another reason why men and their threats of physical assault however they like to identify need to be kept away from female only spaces such as refuges and prisons. At certain times of our lives such as newly mothering, we are vulnerable and some members of society can be evil.

I can’t bear supermarkets I use online the saver slots at sains start at £1.

That's what I thought. I've been known to say, "Oh dear...Someone's tired..." but I'm trying to be sympathetic when I say it.

Now thinking I should maybe keep quiet in case I'm causing upset.

I was like this with my first baby, used to hate going out as I was worried what everyone else was thinking and that I was doing everything wrong. By child 2 it was water off a duck's back and I honestly couldn't give a sh#t about anyone else. But don't worry, we have all been there. I think most people are actually sympathetic but obvs can't do much to help the situation.

I remember feeling daunted the first time I took my new baby out. Its normal. Its just a shame you ran into a couple of dickheads

Please don't assume that everyone who looks at you is criticising you. I promise you, the vast majority of women are sympathising and mothers are remembering when they were in your position. Quite a few men will be sympathising, too.

Can't believe your experience! My baby is 8 months now but I remember all too well the stress of solo outings in the early days, and aside from one woman who asked " is he not hot?" On a bus back from gp on a hot London August day (yeah everyone is its 30 degrees but thankyou!) everyone treated me like an absolute queen! People asking do I need anything in cafes, who were customers themselves, doors held open, people moving out the way etc. Big smiles, randoms saying congratulations etc. So much so if I popped out without him I felt like a second class citizen. I hope you were just unlucky that day as those people were all turds. You get used to ignoring the judgey looks and also get used to the baby crying and don't worry as much about it when out and about, all comes with time I promise.

The woman was probably trying to be nice. The men were twats and it’s them not you. I’d have wanted to call them cunts but appreciate it’s not good to risk that being baby’s first word so I’d have settled for the middle finger. Fuck them , who do they think they are!

I remember those days, I really think people generally are in a bad mood at the supermarket today. Mine are not babies anymore and I still came across some unpleasant individual today luckily I learned not to let them bother me because they are just some a*hole not worth my time.

It's easy for me to say but please try to remember that they're the twats, not you. You clearly had your hands full and your attention was quite rightly given to your baby.

I genuinely wonder how some people cope when they're presented with a real crisis in their lives if that's how they react when they're inconvenienced for a couple of seconds in a supermarket.

They're really not worth a second thought. Fuck 'em.

Those men were dicks. I was at the supermarket today, busy Sunday afternoon, and there were men being dicks. I don't have a baby. It's not about the baby, crying or otherwise. Or you. Some men are dicks to all women, especially those who aren't in a position to fight back. Nasty entitled little bullies. We shouldn't have to put up with their threats.
Congratulations on your baby and carry on x

I remember when mine was about 18 months; she kicked off in the supermarket when I was trying to get her out of the trolley seat and back in the pushchair. The whole ‘back arching, scream the place down like I was kidnapping her’ nightmare. People were staring, tutting etc. I was nearly in tears. I couldn’t strap her in because she was writhing about so much I had to hold the buggy as well or it would have fallen backwards.
Then this old man came over to me. I honestly thought he was about to have a massive go, but he grabbed the pushchair handles and said ‘I’ll hold the pushchair, you strap the bugger in’. I did, thanked him and we left!
It’s happened to us all OP. Those people can do one.