Horrible experience in supermarket

[Sally922]

Went to Sainsburys today and I could have just cried. Im a young mum and have a new baby and DP is working today so went by self and still trying to navigate things as it’s all new. I’m just feeling quite overwhelmed. First thing was baby started crying in the trolley, I was trying to soothe her and people were looking and some lady kept passing and raising her eyebrows and giving me a funny look. And then got some comments ‘someone’s not very happy’. Feel like they were judging me. I then got stuck on an aisle as it was busy and I couldn’t move forward. Two older men were behind me and were getting impatient and one said ‘just ram it into her legs’ and the other said ‘I think I might do in a minute’ I felt rushed but the aisle was too busy. Feel like rubbish now

Please don’t take it to heart. Your doing really well

Ah mate you have all my sympathy.

Only a couple of days ago I had to abandon my shopping trip as my younger toddler had a spectacular tantrum. Many looks shot my way as I calmly carried him out the shop.

So in summary, there are gonna be loads of occasions like this. Best thing is to just pretend you and your child are the only ones in the room. Sod everyone else.

I think we're cut from the same cloth!

Op I'm really sorry this happened to you, fuck em. I know it's not that easy, I used to worry about comments, but this says so much more about them than you. They don't even pass for human to make comments like that. You're doing a good job, remember that.

Some people have always been judgemental arses where just about anything is concerned and it is getting worse ime.
My DD is 19 now but I remember being on a bus and she was at the front in her pram with her dad and I'd had to move to the back, there was another pram with a tiny baby as well and it was hot, too hot to wear my coat (especially with post birth hormones flying around!) the other baby started to cry and really got into his stride and with me breast feeding, the inevitable happened 🙈.
I tried to cover myself but it was pretty obvious what I was doing when a woman leaned over and tapped me on the shoulder and told me instead of 'hiding' at the other end of the bus shouldn't I be getting off to feed that 'poor baby'?
Initially I just wanted to cry because everyone within ear shot swiveled and looked at me, my eyes teared up but then something snapped and I rounded on her and told her that I had no plans to kidnap and feed someone else's baby because mine was the one fast asleep and other people's feeding schedules were not mine, or anyone else's business.

Everyone, including the windbag suddenly found their feet very interesting!

I really felt for those parents with that baby though, no matter what they did he just didn't calm down and I'd been there myself!
So, I think your time will come @Sally922 when you'll give as good, or better than you get when faced with a judgemental idiot, it wasn't today but you will one day.

I do agree that the "Someone doesn't sound happy" is very often (certainly from me) offered in sympathy and to kind of let you know that you aren't alone in what you're going through, almost like "Yeah I get it, it sucks!" combined with everything though I get that it can feel like another judgement.

Those men were just typical impatient idiots who think that the world has to revolve around them, and have to resort to aggression in order to be noticed by anyone. If you go places that are open to others then shock horror, other people are going to be there.

I know it's tough being treated like that, and it once would have upset me too, but honestly these days I would have turned around and said "Yeah? Try it, see what happens!" Or similar because people like that usually go all wibbly and pathetic and then play the victim when they're challenged - they do it because they don't think they will be, it also draws attention, in public, to their shitty behaviour and usually that embarrasses them too.

💐 for you, it will get better, you're doing a great job.

Oh please don't dwell on these horrible people. Mine are all grown up now but one had severe eczema and I'd get comments and 'advice' all my way around the shop. So much so that one day I made a poster saying 'It's OK, I have eczema and am under the care of a dermatologist' and stuck it on the front of her pushchair.

There were also some horrible people on public transport that would whinge and moan if my kids every dared cry.

The world is a sad place.

I'm gonna say this now wether anyone is pleased or vexed or what I really couldn't give a shit. About the elderly men who threatened to ram the trolley into your legs had you turned round and said something it would have got completely twisted around and you'd have been called out for being abused to 2 sweet elderly men, elderly privileged comes to mind!!!!.
About little miss raise and roll her eyes I take it she and her kids (if she has any) were perfect little robots, then.

I recall the first time we took out new baby out, a number of people stopped to say Ahh, when we got home and lifted her out of the carrycot on wheels, which is what we used in the 70s, under her mattress there were lots of silver coins, apparently it was customary to slip silver into the side of the pram! OH, a Yorkshireman, suggested another walk out!

@Sally922 , we’ve all been there with babies and children. You met your fair share of horrible people though in a short space of time. Really nasty, aggressive ones. Imagine saying to ram someone. That would physical assault. The other ones may have been more flippant. These people, these strangers don’t have any consideration or care for you. They are nothing to you, nor do they have any understanding of your situation. You have a right to go about your business without any of their guff. They should be more courteous to you. Remember that.

I remember one particularly horrible trip when I had an older baby. We entered the supermarket, and he wanted some sweets. I said no, and he bawled the rest of the shop. I was trying to ignore it after a while as I didn’t want to give him the sweets and he refused to be consoled. I needed to do the shop, so had to continue. I still remember the looks I got. You cannot always manage the situations as you want to.

I once walked past a woman with a child on full melt mode - screaming and writhing on the floor. I looked at her - and my look from my perspective was 'its awful .. I've been there.. you are doing a good job.. keep going'..

She looked back at me with the most awful face as if to say 'stop judging me' ..

About 15 mins later - she walked past me - with my LO - on full melt in a shop - and I was doing the same as she was .. stood there just waiting for it to pass.. and her face lit up - as she suddenly got the 'look' I gave her!

I often pondered as to how bad I made her feel - unintentionally.

I've left shopping in a trolley before - and 'escaped due to screaming kids'..

I always hated the references to baby being hungry when actually baby was fussy after just being fed. They and ignore. Most people are trying to be supportive even if it doesn’t seem like it.

The two guys were dicks for behaving how they did. Sod them! I do think the looks and the "someone isn't happy" is more from a solidarity/sympathy thing. All of us parents have been there, and we know it isn't easy at all. Don't let them put you off. You're doing great.

I remember my DD having the most god awful tantrum once when we were in town. My DS had been a piece of cake and very easy going, so this was a real shock and I wanted the ground to swallow me up. It was bloody awful. From what I remember, she wanted to get out of the stroller (laden with shopping). I was about a millisecond too slow in acquiescing to her wishes. So she let rip, and then thrashed about on the floor. I couldn't pick her up and put her in the stroller as she would thrash/plank. She wouldn't walk. I just had to wait it out....when she didn't stop, I just hauled her up and tried walking whilst holding her (much thrashing about/screaming from her) and pushing buggy. That failed, so had to call my then H to rescue us in the car (I'd planned for us to walk to town and back as it was nice weather).

Another time, when DS was tiny (I was a new mum then and he was my eldest), we were in town and I sat at a bench to feed him (BFing). A tiny old lady was also sat at the bench and we made small talk. A random middle-aged guy wandered up and had a go at me for breast-feeding in public (NB you wouldn't have been able to see anything, he was just being a dick). Before I could say anything, the lady jumped up and gave him the third degree. Turned out she was a retired Midwifery Matron.

Well done for making that first trip out solo. It's always scary isn't it? But things do get better as you get more used to it. Wishing you all the best x

I still treasure the moment that my 3 month old was screaming down an angry plane full of grumpy people and a lovely stewardess offered to hold her for me (expertly) and said consolingly “Ignore those people (giving you dirty looks) I bet some if them were babies once themselves!” She cracked me up and my embarrassment vanished in an instant.

I try to always offer that reassurance to new mums with screaming babies now.

Dont let people judge you—you are doing the best you can. It will be easy eventually.

I was an older mum (35) with my first and I also got sneers and raised eyebrows from people when my DS cried. Even some cashiers would comment “oh someone is hungry,” “isn’t he naughty.” All sorts of crap

People are nasty. You’ll find the older your DC get the more you have reasons to defend them and yourself and you end up not caring, giving people a look back or laughing at them to let them know you’re not bothered.

Honestly you’ll learn to tune these things out. People are so horrible when you’re outside with a baby/toddler. I have tunnel vision and just focus on my two toddlers. It’s so overwhelming otherwise when you notice the dirty looks etc. Sorry OP, you shouldn’t have to put up with it. Shopping at earlier times help

I agree the someone's not happy comment was probably well meant.
As far as the other people in the shop seeming to stare. You will notice when you start going out sometimes without the baby (to the shops etc) that the sound of a baby crying is so distracting its hard not to look (much more so than before having children). I've found myself doing a sort of subtle bobbing up and down thing in response to another baby crying (due to having spent hours and hours holding my own baby while doing that as they cried). So people looking round at the baby crying is normal. Its not necessarily judgemental just the result of millions of years of evolution - babies cries are designed to attract attention.
The men were twats though. I hate people that don't understand how queues work - you are stood in front of them and someone else is stood in front of you etc.

Being a new Mum is so vulnerable. And horrible people know that/sense that so will be particularly aggressive, which makes it even worse.

You are getting out and about with your baby and feeding your family. You're doing great, keep it up! It will get easier.

I was a young mum and experienced a lot of judgement and patronising comments from strangers, usually from the older generation to be honest.
I had another baby in my mid 30s and I've not experienced anything like it this time round.
It is shit. There were actually a couple of times I went home and cried. Just try hold your head up high, know you are doing your best and their lives are so empty and miserable that they feel the need to pass judgement to others.

What happened to the days of cooing over a baby and extending a bit of empathy and compassion?
These men are abhorrent humans, @Sally922 - don’t let two old maids ruin your life. They’ve already ruined their own.
Babies cry, dogs bark, birds sing.
Mother Nature says so.

First time I tried to go to the supermarket with a baby I just couldn’t work out how to use the baby seat in the trolley and so gave up and came home in tears. Don’t let it get to you. It all gets easier and some people are just a*s

People can be vile, and make a sport out of giving quippy 'advice' to new parents not realising they're making it worse. Well done you're doing a fab job!

I completely get it, it can be quite overwhelming as a new mum. You're doing so well to make it to the supermarket on your own! I remember shopping trips where all I wanted to do was take my baby home away from all those people.Try and not take it personally, people are in a rush to get their shopping done and would be impatient or rude to anyone. You'd hope that they'd clock that you're on your own with a tiny baby, but they're so caught up in their own stuff they probably just don't notice. And then you get the people with the funny comments that are just not funny (someone is not happy), why on earth?! Honestly, if you can't think of saying something nice just be flipping quiet. Hang on in there op, it will get easier and you'll settle into being out and about with little one. Until you hit the toddler years, then it's a case of accepting that every once in a while grocery shopping will not be fun 😊

I found that when child was a baby in a pram so many people had to stick their nose in!

Baby started crying in Tesco's and I knew he wanted feeding, so I bent down to get a bottle out the bag and stood up and some dirty man had his face in there saying "Ohhhh isn't your mummy feeding you!"... I said that's exactly why I'm getting a bottle out the bag!

Another idiot stopped me to say I wasn't dressing my baby in enough layers.

Unfortunately you just have to smile and be on your way, but very very difficult with all your hormones flying.

I remember getting the stink eye whenever either of my babies cried in public, almost like a 'why can't you soothe them, terrible mother'.

DH took one of them when tiny and she screamed the whole way round. People stopped, offered to hold her, pushed the trolley for him, packed his bags and helped him get to the car.

The world isn't kind to mums. I'm so sorry you had to experience it though.

Fuck them op, just look for the other mothers. You'll find them everywhere. All of us have been where you are and you'll find a sympathetic smile.

Just know there are plenty of women who if they have heard what those men said to you would have stepped in to say something o. Your behalf. You don't need to concern yourself with being brave right now. Newborn stage is surviving, it will be easier next time.

I'm sorry you've had a bad day and encountered some arseholes. Get your shopping delivered, it was the best thing thing I ever did. I only pay £2 per shop with Morrisons, by using their £8 monthly savers pass.