Horrible experience in supermarket

[Sally922]

Went to Sainsburys today and I could have just cried. Im a young mum and have a new baby and DP is working today so went by self and still trying to navigate things as it’s all new. I’m just feeling quite overwhelmed. First thing was baby started crying in the trolley, I was trying to soothe her and people were looking and some lady kept passing and raising her eyebrows and giving me a funny look. And then got some comments ‘someone’s not very happy’. Feel like they were judging me. I then got stuck on an aisle as it was busy and I couldn’t move forward. Two older men were behind me and were getting impatient and one said ‘just ram it into her legs’ and the other said ‘I think I might do in a minute’ I felt rushed but the aisle was too busy. Feel like rubbish now

You poor thing OP. You did amazingly just to be out and in the supermarket with such a tiny baby! (Though I highly recommend switching to online deliveries until they are old enough to sit up in the trolley and enjoy a shopping trip. It's just far too stressful- not that it should be!) What horrible men.

The newborn stage can be overwhelming op, and some situations have us closer to the edge than others! Supermarket shopping alone with a new baby is an impressive feat only recognised by those who have been there. You did great and I'm sure you're doing great. Heed the advice if other posters - fuck 'em, concentrate on your baby and yourself and fuck the miserable bastards. ❤️

It's misogyny.

It's taking a woman down a peg, lest she get notions of her own strength.

Yes because finding your phone, engaging with bolshy strangers and threatening the police is a sensible choice for someone struggling with a crying young baby on a supermarket outing in which they are already stressed

That's not normal behaviour

You poor thing 💐

Op it says far more about them than it does about you. Ignore these awful misogynistic men.

What @CherryBlossom321 said

Please don't let those nasty arseholes put you off. I found the majority of people lovely when mine were newborns. You just got unlucky that time.

The men were arseholes, and cowards. You can bet your life they wouldn't have said that if you'd been a 6ft 2, 16 stone bloke. Don't give them a second thought.

I had 3 under 3 and generally had positive experiences out and about. It helps to just focus on you, your dcs and the job in hand - try and shut out any tuts or raised eyebrows. A busy supermarket at the weekend can test a lot of people's patience so, if you can, try and shop at quieter times while you find your 'mum' feet.

I still vividly remember carrying one of mine, screaming til the roof tiles rattled, out of waitrose (the horror!) under my arm, completely stiff like a plank of wood. I was mortified and trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone, but a couple of people did catch my eye and just smiled sympathetically.

Chin up, OP, and don't worry about it

I still get it and my child is not even a baby but he's in primary school so they think he should know better than to stand still infront of the trolley when he is looking at things on the shelf. Sometimes he doesnt click he is in the way till someone kindly says excuse me and then he will move. (I clearly tell him to move to the side so people can pass ..he is SEN) but they think he should automatically react and move people are so impatient.
Even when I apologise I get the tut and the eye roll as if I can't handle my child.

Yes exactly. people are just acknowledging that baby isn't happy, it's some people's way of sympathizing.

I think the someones not happy is more of a conversation starter and showing sympathy as we've all been there. But the men I would have had to say something as that isn't ok

when I was with my friend the other day in a shop, her newborn was fussing. My friend said that everyone was looking at her.

they weren’t. Or if they were, they were trying to get a peek at the cute little newborn.

you’ve got this mama 💪🏻

"Sorry was I slowing down your access to iced buns and beer? I wouldn't want to get in the way of the comfort food you need to forget what a horrible sexist prick you are."
You are doing great OP so sorry you had to deal with that.

Perhaps best to do food shop when your DP is home to look after the baby. It isn't really a place for a baby, especially with Sundays being sooo busy.

Me too, the BB. 😁
OP, it all gets different for you with time! 💝

What? A supermarket is no place for a baby? What nonsense.

OP you do get used to it, my middle child was a terrible baby - screamed all the time and it felt so big and stressful and embarrassing, but mostly people aren't really interested so just get on with what you need to do. British culture is so intolerant of children and babies, despite them being everywhere, but a lot of people who have had kids will be sympathetic. I do remember once a woman did the 'oooh someone's not happy!' to me about DS and I said 'yeah, me. Do you want to help?' she soon fucked off.

Gently op, you need to toughen up a bit or you will never leave the house. Are you always like this - if so, maybe consider talking to someone. No one was judging you or giving funny looks - people are generally way too self absorbed. Two older blokes being dicks is not the end of the world - turn round next time and call them out for their shitty attitude. Get out there, live your life and enjoy your baby.

I was a wimp and hardly ever went food shopping when mine was a baby/toddler, I ordered online. But if someone made that comment towards me like those men did I'd have no issue turning round and telling them to do one. Stand up for yourself because no one else will!

A woman after my own thinking. You're in my tribe👌Had I heard someone say this to you I would have verbally took them on. I hate bullies with a passion.

I had something odd yesterday. Our little co-op express. Had a few things in my basket which you have to hoist up onto the till area. The till operator who I know turned to the person behind me and said to them is that all you've got and took two mini bottles of wine. I was really annoyed. But when he'd gone she said he gets very aggressive in queues and I wanted him out of the shop. I understood then but was still annoyed that an aggressive man can get away with crap like this.

The lady saying bad day I'm sure was in sympathy. We've all been there. I used to go to the supermarket in the evening when husband was home. Was so funny to see other sleep deprived mums wombling around like zombies but it was less stressful.

You have every right to be in the store, it is not "no place for a baby" ffs. OTOH, there is no shame in waiting till your DP is home to go shopping and you shouldn't feel pressure to do all the normal things you've always done while you navigate becoming a mum. If something is hard it's hard. Don't gaslight yourself by insisting it should be easy, just give yourself a break. It will all get easier soon.

Sorry you had a hard day.
I found it was easier to go to local shops, markets or supermarkets like the co op when I was a new mum. People are usually friendlier and more interested in the baby. Somebody is not happy is usually a sympathetic expression. It got me out in the first few months (no paternity leave). We moved when my DC was 4 weeks old. I made a life long friend with another mum who I met in the shop which led to coffee outings, and baby sitting swaps. She too was new to the area. She had toddlers and a baby.
A few years ago when kids were at Uni I chatted to a new mum who was having a bad day in the same shop. We became friends as she was new to the area and with no support. (as I had been 20 years ago). We meet once a month now and she is so much more relaxed with DS2.
Be gentle with yourself. Most people will have been in your shoes. You are doing a good job.
Congratulations on becoming a mummy.

One thing @Sally922 I worked out that baby was distressed by the ceiling lights apparently it's something called a cycle of 50 something per second that affects babies.

I think you are overthinking and assuming the worst in people. Even the guys joking about the trolley could have been being silly. If I saw someone looking at a crying baby I wouldn't assume they were judging the Mother. Saying 'someone's not happy' is a normal comment to say about a crying baby.