To think you don't actually get treated better if you're slim, it's because your attitude changes?

[bobsandvangene]

What do you think?
I often hear people say they get treated better if they are slim than fat. But I think (with the exception of the really supermorbidly obese who probably do get treated negatively/differently) it's probably just that you act more confident/have better self esteem/etc and attract a different vibe because of it?
I guess there's no real way to know.
But I'd be interested in those who have been in both sides of it.

No, that's complete bullshit. I've been fat and thin and I always have a miserable grumpy attitude, I am an asshole if I do say so myself. I am definitely treated better now as a thin person. And people tolerate more of me now. The difference is like night and day.

Unless you were a teenage parent, I think that this is far more likely due to your age, not your weight - I've been big, I've been small and everything in between - the more white in my hair, the more I experience people being courteous, irrespective of size.

Put the age aspect and experience of dealing with medical staff together and that's also more likely to put you in a position where you can't be dismissed as an anxious young Mum.

Depends how you define being treated badly/well.

When I was slim(mer) I just got more attention from men, not necessarily in a positive way either.

Some people (not random strangers) did treat me better , mainly because they see being fat as a moral failure /character flaw. Those people are arseholes.

I can't say I noticed a significant change either way in my interactions with the general public.

I think you do get treated more favourably the more attractive you are perceived to be.

Including weight, age, looks.

When I have my hair down I get treated differently. More favourably.

Especially true by men ime. As I’ve got older and plumper I have become invisible. It’s actually been amazing to notice it happen.

I'm trying to reflect on my own treatment of people
I guess if I interact with someone who is really very large I possible wonder why they've let themselves get to that size, ie if they are struggling to walk etc.

Eg noticed when waiting for service, let through doors, people making suave instead of Behaving as if you don’t exist and barging through you.

Genuine question, why do you care?

Oh I’m sure it’s because they think it’s an aspirational look and they have the time, energy and resources to achieve it.

She didn’t say it to me, she said it to her partner, but she would have known I could hear being right behind them. Yes, factual in the sense that she is smaller than me, but why did that need to be her immediate response? I’m assuming he hasn’t realised she had wandered away and had sensed someone the other side of the aisle, so thought she was just there. He didn’t mistake me for her in the sense he didn’t speak or anything like that, and I doubt he was looking at me at all as he had his back to me.

I don't think it's all about being slim. It's more about pretty privilege.

@kelsaycobbles It isn't okay to be rude to people, because it's 'factual'. Thumper's Dad's advice is useful in those situations. "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."

I think that there could be some truth in what you say @bobsandvangene

I went on holiday with a yoga group in early 2019 when my BMI was about 29. I wasn't huge, I was fit and toned but I'm only 5ft tall so definitely overweight. It was a good holiday. I made friends and had a great time.

For various reasons, lockdown, illness, holidays, relocations etc I didn't see many of the group again until earlier this year when we had a second holiday. During this time I had embarked on a healthier eating regime to reduce my BP. I didn't count calories or obsess about food. I just ate lots of fruit and veg with small amounts of protein at every meal, cut back on carbs and avoided ultra processed foods. This reduced my BP very quiclkly and also had the secondary effect of reducing my weight by about 16kg giving a BMI of about 22. Much healthier and I looked way better.

People who knew me 5 years ago all commented on how well I looked (which is always nice to hear) but a much more important conversation came later. Talking to a couple of group members they both commented on how much more confident and outgoing I was compared to our last holiday. And I realised it was true. Before I had been so ashamed and self conscious about my size that I had been very quiet, perhaps almost to the point of seeming aloof or unfriendly.

This year I felt confident and attractive and entitled to be there and was much more chatty and open to other people. I felt not just equal to the others but as if I had something to offer. Which is of course ridiculous. I'm the same person as I was before. Losing weight and looking better hasn't made me cleverer or wiser or kinder. It's a shame that I let being overweight affect me so much.

That being said I am going to continue with the healthy eating. If something so small can change not just my physical health (my BP is excellent now) but also improve my mindset I'd be crazy to let the weight pile on again.

I’m so sorry Lemon, that’s horrible. I have some very dear friends who are large. They are absolutely lovely people and really struggle with their weight. It always makes me angry when I see people being rude or dismissive of them, as it is the epitome of shallow.

One was just always big, as was her mum. She has tried so many approaches. The other two were quite slim when young but both ended up in situations where they had others ( one a very poorly dc) to prioritise and just were very pushed to manage what they had to manage. A snidely acquaintance commented to me about how it was “such a shame “ she let herself go as she “was so attractive.” Said acquaintance, meanwhile, spent about 5 minutes with her ( perfectly healthy) dcs growing up, deposited them with a nanny and spent a fortune on gym and well-being ( and Botox😂!) .

Its fundamentally shallow and lacking in empathy to treat or think disparagingly because someone is overweight. I always make a real effort to be courteous and polite to larger people as I know it’s very likely they have given a lot of their focus to others. Why it makes people so angry just to look at them I honestly cannot say. I only know my friends aren’t the ones being vile.

This was a really upsetting post. I’m so glad your DD has a loving, non-judgemental mum Octo.

I really don't think this is true, I think it goes on how you present yourself, I've never been obsessed, as such but I have been on the chubby side.

I'm 5ft 11 biggest I've been is a 14

I was a very pretty girl as I was in my 20s not blowing my own trumpet. But I was tall had an amazing figure and to be honest I was always the one who got the attention. BUT I was confident!
BUT i also did get alot of hateful girls that hated me because I was confident and wasn't the standard girl.

I'm now, 36 and I'm a size 12, have aniexty and depression really don't have any confidence. Absolutely hate myself. (Not going in to detail why) I do get the odd dirty looks but never get anything nice 🤷 and I'm not fat!

Of course I know it’s usually something deeper. I wonder what. It’s pretty extreme.
but Then I’ve spent my whole adult life being either on a duet or planning when to start whilst binging.
i guess if I stopped with the useless diet efforts I would probs be very very large as it’s the only thing that keeps me from absolutely losing control of my weight.

I don't know if this is relevant but I've always been slim/attractive. Men in particular have always been lovely to me in public.

When I was pregnant I was huge, out of breathe and my face/legs also swelled hugely at the end, so I didn't look attractive or slim.

The difference in how I was treated was marked. No one was smiling at me. No men were going out of their way to help me. Women generally treated me the same as were actually kinder as I think they could see I was often struggling and pregnant.

Men started being lovely to me again in public at about a month postpartum. It was rather depressing tbh how differently I was treated.

My sister recently lost a lot of weight and she has said how shocked she is about how people treat her differently, especially in the professional setting. She is actually disgusted by how some people (men and women) actually now address her and listen to her for her expertise in an area that is very specialized. She is very good and confident in her profession, and has always been known for being highly ethical in a space where there are lots of conmen and women. But the change in attitudes to her new weight has taken her by surprise.

I got treated the exact same as as size 16/18 as I do as an 8 but I defo get more attention from men as an 8 which isn't a good thing in my book.

At size 12 people showed more respect and I was listened to at work. I put on a stone and became size 14, pushing 16, and it was like I became invisible.

i didn’t think it was a thing until I experienced it.

No. In general, most people who have never had weight problems assume that fat people are lazy and stupid and treat them accordingly. Have a read of some of the idiotic comments on this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5058431-all-these-people-taking-weight-loss-appetite-suppressant-drugs?

I feel this one so hard. It is so hard being treated worse because of your race too.

When I was young I was slim but not pretty. I did get treated badly by men. In my late 20s I somehow made myself more attractive and got treated better.
I'm overweight and middle aged now. I'm pretty invisible (which im fine with) but don't get treated badly. I don't particularly get treated badly by doctors. I'm articulate, so that might make a difference?

I wasn't treated well because I was slim.i think there is fattism though.
I was mobbed at work about 7 years ago, nightmare, I think slim me was passing or failing tiny little tests, not set consciously, but in my case, when a couple of mob molls noted that I was a recovering people pleaser who bent with the wind, that was the beginning of my exclusion.

100%true.

Many people are openly hostile to obese people just walking down the street.

Or do thin people supposedly give off a 'positive vibe' that makes people not sneer/laugh at them?!!