To think you don't actually get treated better if you're slim, it's because your attitude changes?

[bobsandvangene]

What do you think?
I often hear people say they get treated better if they are slim than fat. But I think (with the exception of the really supermorbidly obese who probably do get treated negatively/differently) it's probably just that you act more confident/have better self esteem/etc and attract a different vibe because of it?
I guess there's no real way to know.
But I'd be interested in those who have been in both sides of it.

It’s definitely the case in my experience. I was morbidly overweight for years and will admit I was a grumpy cow. Now I’m quite slim and definitely happier, and yes other people’s interactions with me are a lot more positive.

The downside is I can’t really take advantage of it because I still have crushingly low self esteem most of the time

Similar but replace overweight with black. Sending solidarity. It's annoying when white, slim, middle class posters put it all down to attitude just because they themselves are always treated well.

I’ve been very over weight to a bit chubby and have never noticed a difference, I have to say.

… I am middle class / professional though, and suspect that helps.

I was overweight for a couple of years in my teens and was basically invisible. When I lost weight it was like a switch. People noticed and commented on how attractive I was. Now I'm middle aged, I've kept the weight off. It has it's pros and cons. I do think it helps being a white, middle aged and well spoken. I've been told I look honest before (not that I really even know what that means) and I think because of this I get treated well. I don't think it's just to do with weight. I think there are a lot of factors thar contribute to how a person is treated, whether they want to acknowledge it or not.

I disagree with you, if anything I would say I am more confident now not because I'm big maybe my age that I don't care what people think of me anymore? But I've definitely been treated worse since being fat than I was when I was slim and was shy and lacked confidence I never felt like I was treated bad by strangers now I'm treated with disgust. I lost some weight a few years back and immediately started noticing a different between how I was treated (mainly by men I was suddenly not invisible anymore)

I think it might be about socially acceptable norms.

I've been a size 6/8 for decades but in my late twenties I picked up a career threatening injury (physical job) and my mam was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Between the stress and the painkillers I lost a lot of weight and people suddenly became incredibly rude.

Someone upthread said they felt the difference most keenly between size 12 and size 16/18 and that does feel like the size that finding clothes in standard ranges/stores, available to try on not just online, etc becomes more tricky.

@Thomasina79

Can you tell me what you did? I need a kick up the arse.

IME people treated me very differently when fat and when slim. People see being fat as a character flaw, a weakness, as well as equating it with being unattractive.

I lost 4 stone (I’ve put 3.5 back on and am working to lose it again) a couple of years ago. There is a noticeable difference in how people treat you. I got down to a size 16, granted I still had more to lose, but I was exercising very regularly so my shape completely changed. Unfortunately a lot of people are shallow, and if you’re bigger they’re not as nice to you.

I was in a supermarket yesterday, and a couple were there who had their own baskets. She had wandered off and I walked down the aisle, looking for what I needed. The bloke was behind me looking at the other side of the aisle. She came back and he said something along the lines of, oh I thought you were behind me. She then replied “I’m not that big”. I was utterly mortified and wanted the ground to swallow me up. I pretended I’d not heard anything and walked away. I get that I have put nearly all the weight back on, but actually I’m only a size 20 max, I’ve not gone back up to the size 26 I was, so god forbid if I was that size still..god knows what she would have said. If I had to guess I’d say she was around a size 12 max. I’d like to say I’m shocked, but I’m not.

No, or maybe just for extremes of people, the very slim, or the very overweight /severely obese, not for the masses I doubt.

Not for me. But then I've never been really slim, I was a size 12 for most of my life, the same weight pre and post children, now a bit overweight, hasn't changed how I get treated.

Wow that was incredibly rude.

Rude she said it to you - rules say don't comment on poeple size

Sounds like it was Just factual though

I think you get treated better if you are slim, well dressed, a ready smile, smell nice and generally attractive.

It’s a combination of things. I’ve lost weight recently and am now I small 14/ big 12 depending on brand. Definitely get treated better than being a decidedly lardy 16.

That said you can be thin but stinky and people aren’t going to be falling over themselves to be lovely.

Perhaps people notice the change in treatment with weight more when other things are static.

I expect you are right op

Don't be stinky is a pretty good rule

I've had significant periods as both slim and fat in my adult life (size 10 to size 20) and you definitely get perved on more by men when you're slim .

I’m also a middle class professional and overweight and I definitely notice a difference. I know for a fact that I’ve lost at least one job interview because of my size at that time.

YABU. Whether your attitude changes or not, you will be treated worse if you are overweight, old, ugly or look poor. Sad but true.

Interesting thought OP but not in my experience. My twins for example - one is overweight and treated completely differently by a range of people- school staff, shop staff, even family members. Ranges from unconscious bias around being lazy, greedy, neither academic or sporty etc - to assumptions that it must be she who was the bully, not the much smaller lighter child who was in fact bullying her. Her slimmer sisters being greeted with warmth and smiles, and a more reserved and colder reception for her, in all kinds of situations.

And this is A CHILD. This is largely adults perpetuating these behaviours. I see it all the time and it upsets me and enrages me in equal measure.

Just writing this makes me so sad

It’s the most depressing thing about losing weight. You realise that every time in the past that you felt self conscious in public, people really were judging you.

Re the invisibility claim, I know someone who consistently muddles two of my other friends, both of them really quite round. Beyond being heavy, one is blonde with curly hair and the other is dark with straight hair. Make of that what you will … It gets me really cross.

I think it depends on the size tbh. At the extremes I am sure this is true. Very overweight and very thin people do get judged I think. But I don’t think anyone would treat a size 14 person differently from a size 10 person. I think that is largely down to self perception

I am 5’2” and a size 14/16, I am invisible. My leaner friends get treated better compared to me.

I am perimenopausal so have joined a gym and taken up running.

I've been both slim and fat. Can't say I've noticed a difference in the way I've been treated.

I'm probably more slim/average now 8-10, but when I was a teenager and super slim (I did a lot of sport) some people seemed to think it was fair game to comment on my weight. The same with people they perceive as being overweight.