To think you don't actually get treated better if you're slim, it's because your attitude changes?

[bobsandvangene]

What do you think?
I often hear people say they get treated better if they are slim than fat. But I think (with the exception of the really supermorbidly obese who probably do get treated negatively/differently) it's probably just that you act more confident/have better self esteem/etc and attract a different vibe because of it?
I guess there's no real way to know.
But I'd be interested in those who have been in both sides of it.

I've recently lost weight and am now size 12.

I'd say there is truth in what OP is saying. I do feel much more confident and much less kind of cowering in my own skin, and more able to make eye contact and not feel if someone is looking at me all they are thinking is FAT.

HOWEVER, fatphobia is real unfortunately. And people make judgements based on it including about medicine, work, employment etc etc. that isn't anything to do with the positive mental attitude or not of the individual.

My clearest example was just men in the street. When slim, whole group would look and be polite and get out of my way. When fat, expected same reaction but got angry looks, like I was the biggest inconvenience. Bit of a shock.

When I lost weight I had a male neighbour start talking nicely to me. I thought, wow he’s not acknowledged my existence before. He ask me how long I lived there. I said 10 years and he looked really confused. I actually saw it dawn on his face that I was that fat girl he used to ignore.

Bloody men.

I've definitely noticed it in medical settings. If you're overweight, that's the reason for everything and the solution is always to lose weight. If you're slim, doctors take the cause more seriously (albeit there are broader issues with women's healthcare too aside from weight)

Is it maybe that years ago probably the lower sociso economic groups were more likely to experience obesity/smoking/poorer health so there's a residual impression that if you're fat you're stereotyped. A lazy slob.

I’ve heard some people say the opposite - that actually the additional attention when you’re slimmer is a negative. I’ve been broadly the same size all my life but have noticed increased invisibility as I’ve started to head towards 40, and if I’m honest it’s quite nice. For starters, teenage boys are more likely to make room for me when walking down the street! Maybe it’s because I’ve started to look like a teacher rather than a (admittedly pushing it) peer. And I’m not less confident with age - tbh the opposite. Far more grounded as a late 30s woman than as I was as an insecure pretty thing in my 20s.

All the above said, as someone whose weight hasn’t fluctuated hugely this is a bit of a tangential argument and so I accept my experience probably isn’t that helpful for your OP!

That’s not to say there aren’t issues when you get slim.

Some people get very pissed off when the fat friend isn’t fat anymore!

Sounds like a frenemy !

It's still the case that lower socioeconomic groups are more overweight with more health issues?

Urgh. See as bad as it is to say, I almost expect it from men.

I've been slim and very overweight.

I genuinely feel you get treated better if you're slim. You're not ignored. In addition, it's almost like you're more respected as if "you've got your act together".

I think it's similar to being attractive. You are dealt with differently!

I’ve been very slim and fit, very thin and unhealthy, and overweight/mildly obese. I’ve always been very confident.

When I was in my 20s I suddenly blossomed. I was slim and very very fit, and fighting men off, despite having an average to “interesting” rather than pretty face. People treated me incredibly nicely in pretty much all scenarios. It was only maybe 5 years? But I knew what it feels like to be “one of those girls”. And def let it go to my head, after years of being the ugly duckling.

then I had a baby and i was very thin and unwell (I looked severely underweight, and was actually), i also had a baby strapped to my front 95% of the time, so I became invisible to one subset of the population (young men) but found others - older women, older men- went out of their way to notice and be kind to me. I think I looked frail tbh, and people worried.

Now I’m slightly fat and have a child, I’m find I get less attention than ever in passing but my actual interactions with people are the most “level” they’ve ever been. I’m not being sized up as a potential shag. Nobody is worried I’ll fall down dead. And I think I look more approachable now, my face is kinder when it’s softer, though less attractive overall.

have never had a problem getting doctors/ teachers / work colleagues to listen to me and take me seriously at any point though.

@Cheepcheepcheep I LOVE this bit of being 40. The teen boys getting out of my way instead of feeling intimidating. Finally!

It's still the case that lower socioeconomic groups are more overweight with more health issues?

Yes but obesity now taking over much larger groups.
It's no longer the result of 'too many findus Crispy pancakes' and no fruit and veg.

I think the medical example is a bit different really. It shouldn't be the case but the truth is doctors do tend to just reduce ailments to the simplest possible cause. So if you're overweight it's bound to be because of that or if you're age 45 it will be because you're menopausal or BC you're pregnant / neuro diverse / whatever. I don't think it's something that only overweight people experience with doctors

I’ve gone from a size 22 to a 12 in just over a year and definitely feel less invisible. My confidence is not as good as it could be though because of my tummy on which most of the residual fat seems to stay! I’m working on it though. It’s lovely to be a size 12, but I do feel becoming slimmer does not necessarily make you happier or more confident. It depends how much it bothered you being overweight. It bothered me a lot, but I basically lost weight because I want to see my grandchildren grow up and to do things with them.

My experience is you are completely wrong on this. I've been diagnosed with body dysmorphia and have always seen myself as being absolutely hideous, to the extent that I have had periods of not wanting to leave the house and various other issues. I say that to make the point that my confidence and my feelings about myself did not change form when I was very fat to when I was very thin. I've been up to a size 24 and down to a size 6, now a 10 but feel very fat (I'm aware this is my issue). The treatment I have received as an overweight person was mind altering, it was so much harsher on a macro and micro level.

I do think you're right that people are more likely to be less confident, less confrontational and have lower self-esteem when overweight. They also probably internalise the treatment they received and I expect it's hard to break out of that but even if their self-perception changes while fat it won't impact other peoples behaviour so I don't feel it's about a positive mental attitude.

People who are more OW than average often recieve different and unfavourable treatment, from assumptions about their character (lazy, low standards etc), to being avoided/ignored to mockery and bullying.
Women who are at the weight that makes them look their personal best (which for some can be still be OW, depending on frame, where they carry the weight, and if it suits them) will be treated better by men, because as a rule of thumb, the more attractive a woman is the better men treat her.
If a woman looks roughly the same level of attractive give or take a couple of stone, and the extra weight doesnt mean she is much larger than other people, she probably won't notice any difference in treatment of her.
I think the impact of confidence is overstated. Shy insecure women recieve a lot of attention and are treated well if they're attractive.

I don't see why both can't be true. I certainly feel very self conscious at heavier weights, I'm not engaging with others as much as I'm primarily focussing on avoiding mirrors or my posture to minimise my size, I'm not dressing as well etc so certainly not at my best.

This however won't be everyone. Plenty of people are very happy at size 18 and up and are naturally bubbly or just don't give a shit and I bet they still get treated differently. Unfortunately first impressions being 'important' is undeniably true.

The idea that fat people are thick etc is deeply ingrained, so much so that I've found myself falling into the same trap and having to have a word with myself. Nearly got me into hot water a couple of times when I've subconsciously talked down to someone and so glad I've learned that lesson early in my life. Stupid really considering my own yo yo weight situation, no one who knows me would consider me thick but I'm sure strangers do.

I've been both ends - the Dr's thing is true either end. I was super thin (which was my natural genetics til children)from teenage til early 30s, I could go into the Dr's with a open wound and the first thing they would discuss would be my weight and was I eating enough calories....I ate what I wanted I just had a high metabolism and did high calorie burning sports.

When bigger and overweight they would discuss what my lifestyle was and was I exercising etc. Which was ironic as I was overweight but usually the Dr (male or female) was bigger then me!

I'm nearly back to a happy medium.

I do think you get treated differently but so do super slim people I think people treat others outside of what they consider normal with a bit of contempt regardless if that's higher or lower.

Sadly I can confirm doctors one.
I am white, tall and slim.
It was very obvious I was geting better treatment and being taken more seriously than heavier women, women from other background or even women with low level of education.
And when medical mistake occured it was escalated to top of the department quickly.

I literally have letter telling I was given ICU space and few treatments as I have "small body". I am 175 so by no standards small.
And everyone cheered how well I am recovering, telling me I am fragile so it is surprise etc. I was just slim with simetrical face.
It is bizarre how people treat you differently.

Some people assume you're healthy when you're slim. I've always been slim but when I was an addict I was very light indeed. People were often surprised when they realised I existed on fags, red wine and tranquilizers. That's the difference. If I had a bath and brushed my hair I passed for a non-addict quite easily but I guess extremely overweight folk have to wear their problem so to speak so people will be more judgey.

I used to be obese, now I'm a size 6/8 and I'm treated very differently by men and women.

Not because I'm different, but because I look different.

I noticed that I was treated differently, when I lost a lot of weight, not necessarily better. I was in my 40s, but looked younger when slimmer. When I took my car for repair to a
garage, they thought they could rip me off!

Nope. I am an optimist and generally quite easy going, but I am overweight and some people can be fairly sneery. It’s them, not me.

Pre kids, slim I was not judged as I am now. I do think that it says more about them and their own issues than me though so tend to just not give a fuck