To think you don't actually get treated better if you're slim, it's because your attitude changes?

[bobsandvangene]

What do you think?
I often hear people say they get treated better if they are slim than fat. But I think (with the exception of the really supermorbidly obese who probably do get treated negatively/differently) it's probably just that you act more confident/have better self esteem/etc and attract a different vibe because of it?
I guess there's no real way to know.
But I'd be interested in those who have been in both sides of it.

Yabu.

I have been slim nearly my whole life but became very overweight quite rapidly when on steroids
I wasn't that bothered - I knew why I was larger and they made me quite unwell so I started tapering off quite soon after and so knew there was light at the end of the tunnel. And my husband and children were very kind and supportive.

So it wasn't my perception that was different, I definitely got negative comments and reactions when out and about.

I also found that when I was large people would assume I didn't like exercise/sport or didn't like healthy eating. But I love sport and being healthy! I competed nationally in a sport. People lack the imagination to look past a body swollen by steroids. And many other people with my condition experience the same. I am "lucky" , I am on different medication now that doesn't make me fat but instead has made me lose my hair and (temporarily). Strangely that elicits sympathy, in stark contrast to the reactions to steroid moonface

I've got no diet or exercise discipline, just lucky genetics. Would genuinely say my figure to 37-38 was amazing. Dated a billionaire for the next part of a decade, and I'm not stupid enough to think that 90% of my appeal was anything other than my appearance. Life has been very easy for me in some respects, people treat you like you're special, I'd get flight upgrades, club/venue photographers would always hone in on me. Women were awful to me, I don't know why but they expected me to be an awful arsehole and if I had a pound for every woman who said "God, you're actually really nice" (as if I should feel appreciative they had judged me and been wrong) I would be as wealthy as my ex.

Have been a SAHM and buzzed round all day, never sitting down, until 7mths ago when I went back to work and sit down 4 days a week. I've put on over a stone. The difference in how people treat me is huge. I'm still slim, like a 10, but not "wow look at her" like I was before. And this is all my figure. My face is fine, bit above average I guess but nothing to write home about, it's all in the figure.

The world is hugely fickle. You can not like that, but alas, it's how it is.

I have gone from size 8-10 to size 16-18 over the last 5 years. I was never very confident but have grown more confident with age. I was never particularly pretty, very average face, then and now. So I don’t buy into the idea of confidence/pretty privilege being the reason. Although obviously those things can also feed into how people treat each other.
I have 100% noticed a difference in how people treat me and interact with me. Struggling to get served at bars, kids friends parents unfriendly (even when I’ve hosted sleepovers and gone out of my way to treat their kids!), teachers at school always assume I don’t work, people I meet through work never remember me, people making nasty comments about (other) overweight people to me. The list goes on.
When I first started putting weight on, I felt very unwell - lethargic, aches and pains etc. I put weight on because of this, because I had no energy to exercise. Went to the doctor and his response was “of course you feel rubbish, you’ve put two stone on” 🙄 So I never went back and I still don’t know what was/is wrong or what might help.

That sounds tough. Do you think it could be peri?

Also try to get a female gp - preferably one with a bit of a menopause belly and you might get a bit of proper support!

I have wondered this, amongst a dozen other things. I’m early 30s but I know it’s a possibility.
You can’t pick your GP at my current or previous surgery, it seems to be all locums. Tbh that experience put me off so much, I can’t bring myself to raise it again. I know I should x

This is me!
I’ve actually stopped going out and didn’t celebrate my 40th birthday because I was too embarrassed to be seen by people who didn’t know is out on weight.
It’s awful and I can’t see a way out of it.
My confidence is rock bottom and I think it’s a vicious cycle; I’m less sociable so fewer social opportunities present themselves.
I can definitely see myself falling into invisible middle age (at 40!).
I used to be attractive. I’m now a tired out mass of confusion and sadness :(

Shame you didn't enable voting

But YABU

I have been both repeatedly and the difference is like night and day.

I can also 💯 relate to @nadine90 and the poster above. Its pure shit isnt it

I have mainly not noticed any difference with how people treat me but a) I am fat in a very socially acceptable way (hourglass figure etc) b) I am pretty confident. I don't get cat called any more but that's not really a disadvantage.

However, I did have the nurse at the doctor's tell me my sudden onset asthma was due to my weight. I tried explaining that I had weighed more in the past and not had this problem and that I was also fit enough that I could swim 5km in a pretty good time but I didn't get taken seriously because of my weight.

Do you think it's the same for men or just women?

I’m sorry: that’s really a bit rubbish isn’t it. Thirties would be quite young for peri, you’re right. But the gp sounds massively dismissive. Weight can be a symptom not a cause. Try to drum up the courage to try again : you can always come back here for commiserations if the experience is just as bad! X

I'm a happy, smiley sort of person at any weight. From being a slim teenagers, I very gradually gained weight and attributed the change in people's behaviour around me just to getting older.

I noticed it in whether people smiled back and engaged (even as trivial as returning my good morning ) or looked at me warily as if I was well let's say 'a bit mad'. It seemed as I got older people were more likely to respond warily as if I were mad than to return my smile/greeting.

In my sixties, I dropped around a third of my body weight, from pushing size 22 back to size 10/8. Suddenly anyone who responds is back to smiling back and returning my greeting.

Many more people engage in all situations, so I now put it down to weight much more than to age. Such a shallow world.

Actually I do think it’s very hard for men too. I don’t think women objectivise men in quite the same way so there is that element, but on the whole I think people judge weight harshly full stop. It’s one of the issues that shows humans in their worst light. I try to be very non judgmental and understanding because I know people wouldn’t choose to have an appearance that is judged negatively.

You sound like an idiot.

People do treat slim people better than the obese. I've been both, and being slim now I'm treated worlds apart from this time last year when I was obese. My attitude is no different. I've always been confident and happy, but I am judged and received much differently now. It's the same for men.

Obese to slim in a year is quite an achievement .

And you’re right, the same person is inside.

I’m sorry you feel like this. I felt the same for a long time. I’ve tried really hard over the last year to make the best of my appearance and keep spending time with friends. Every time the nasty voice in my head starts, I try and think of the people I love and how I wouldn’t love them any less or want to spend less time with them if they put weight on. Your true friends will want your company, no matter your size.
I’ve started following a lot of larger ladies on instagram for outfit inspiration too. Seeing them style themselves so confidently and looking gorgeous has spurred me on to try and do the same ❤️ xxx

Thank you. I need to find a better GP and it is on my to do list. I will get round to it and pluck up the courage eventually, hopefully I’ll strike lucky with a GP who bothers to listen xx

I definitely do. I'm much more attractive also when I'm slimmer (not to seem egotistical) and I've noticed across the board there is a different attitude towards me, more help, listened to more

I gained six stone in my pregnancies, and lost it again within 6 months (well, more or less - was 8.5 stone when I got pregnant with my 1st and stayed at 9, after).

I didn't see myself as fat because I connected it with the baby, but I was in size 8 to 10 clothes when I got pregnant and in 18 immediate postpartum.

The biggest shock to me is that people treated me as stupid when I was large, and the assumption was of intelligence when slim. They were irritated and impatient with me when large.

It was very clear, and very genuine. It wasn't down to my attitude, because I certainly didn't regard myself as less intelligent.

The difference between how I'm treated as a short 8 stone vs 12 stone was pretty noticeable at times.

I can't imagine how much worse it may be for others who weigh more.

I think it's a bit of both. I notice that even when I am fairly overweight, if I work out regularly my posture and mood are better and that has an impact.

My weight has fluctuated from normal to morbidly obese over my adulthood. At my highest weight of approx 400# I was basically invisible in public. Once I was in an airport and nobody acknowledged me at all. I saw a severely handicapped young woman in a specialty wheelchair, our eyes met and we both smiled hugely at each other, it so strange, she knew we were both ghosts. I think that was the only person who looked me in the eyes that whole damn day.

I am presently at 300# and am slightly visible in public now. If I get to my goal of 200# I guarantee I’ll be mostly visible in public.

Its a real phenomena and it messes with my head a lot. I don’t get harassed strangely, its as if morbid obesity scares people and they don’t bother with the cruelty they rain over pudgy women, because when I was pudgy I did get mistreated by strangers but never to my face when I get super fat. (Maybe it happens behind my back but not to my face.)

As a slim person I was objectified, as a fat person I was verbally abused and often felt invisible- so much so that people would walk into me.

Maybe 10% your attitude, 90% the world.
I lost weight as a teenager and was SHOCKED at the difference maybe because I was in no way expecting it. Adults, teachers, strangers, random people…it was a completely different experience being thin. People weren’t just nicer but took me more seriously, warmed to my personality, wanted me around. Suddenly I wasn’t annoying, I was cute and quirky!
So, yeah. Not in my experience.

I think confidence has you treated better and slimness has you treated better. So one will just compound the other.