To think you don't actually get treated better if you're slim, it's because your attitude changes?

[bobsandvangene]

What do you think?
I often hear people say they get treated better if they are slim than fat. But I think (with the exception of the really supermorbidly obese who probably do get treated negatively/differently) it's probably just that you act more confident/have better self esteem/etc and attract a different vibe because of it?
I guess there's no real way to know.
But I'd be interested in those who have been in both sides of it.

Years ago I lost a lot of weight and went from 20 to 14. Cynical me was interested to see just how much interest I was getting from guys who’d previously been unaware of my existence. Arseholes, all of them. I kept thinking to myself ‘but I’m still the same person!’ And honestly I don’t think it cuts both ways nearly as much. Different body types are far more acceptable in men than in women.

Yes.
I was big - got ignored, treated poorly or, on occasion, people were 'kind'.

I was slim, I was treated differently, (doors opened, etc). Being treated differently, rather than losing weight led to increase in confidence. I gained weight again but never lost the confidence. I was bigger and confident - still got treated badly by some. Not as bad as 'big and no confidence' but certainly worse than slim and no confidence (and even worse than slim and confident)

Both make a difference - slim a bigger one (attractive, I can't comment on as I have never been more than average looking)

I think if you are thin you are likely to be taken seriously at the doctor as being underweight is often caused by anorexia, physical illness, or else drug misuse. So the cause needs to be found. While for a person living with obesity, that condition is (often incorrectly) perceived as being the cause of any other symptom.

Other people treat you differently!
I have been both slim and fat and have been treated differently depending on my size. The last experience was when I lost 9 stone on an extreme diet! The yummy mummies from my children’s school suddenly became my best friends. Unfortunately the weight started to go back on and they then blanked me all over again! Oh I was heartbroken 🤣

This cannot be true surely! I get ( though not approve) strangers being rude/ dismissive and can almost get the original blanking; I can also grasp the sudden interest, but the dropping after being friendly defies belief! How low can people go!

I actually agree OP. I'm currently a size 20 which us the biggest I've ever been and I can say hand on heart that I haven't noticed any difference in the way I'm treated from when I was a size 12.

I am fairly self-assured. I'm pretty. I make an effort with hair/makeup/clothes. I'm white. I'm "middle class". I have a bland London accent. I'm educated. I have a professional job role. I feel like those factors all count towards how we are treated as well. ( not thay they should!)

I've been up and down in weight but what has really shocked me when I lost a lot was men I thought I knew well and were friends treating me totally differently. It wasn't me it was them. And men in general did treat me much more positively. I found it very depressing, especially with the close ones, that something I would have thought had nothing to do with our friendship affected how they treated me,

I think it's one of those situations where that is not always the reason but sometimes it is. I'm lucky that I've had very little prejudice as a women in a mans world over the years and I do think it's because most of my childhood I spent in a boiler suit with my brothers and my dad so have learnt to take no crap and be very direct if there is the slightest hint of anyone not taking me seriously. But I appreciate not everyone has that advantage and shouldn't have to behave the way I sometimes have to.

I think, as someone whose weight ranges between size 14 and 22 (currently 16-18) that fat people are often regarded as lazy, not very hygienic, not intelligent, badly dressed, lacking in self-control and with disgust. I see it often, particularly in terms of bullying of teenagers (I work with teenagers) and in attitudes to parents by agencies such as schools and health/social services, and by men. I also see it in how overweight teachers are treated by teenagers and parents and other school staff. Recently a parent described a teacher at her daughter's school as 'the really fat Northern Irish one'.......'well she would teach cookery wouldn't she?', 'she's really lazy, barely gets off her backside in the classroom and she's got BO'. All said without batting an eyelid and took great offence when I said she was 'quite rude'.
I currently work with 2 teenage girls who are refusing to go to their respective schools because they are overweight (both about a size 18-20) and are saying they are continually called names like 'fat cunt', lard-arse','jelly belly', one says a group of boys shout comments like 'saw you on 'My 600lb Life' 'Are you too fat to get in the bath now?' at her.
I agree that personally, I am more confident at size 14-16, I can wear clothes I like more, have more energy, gain confidence from exercising, I just feel better. But people definitely treat me better too. They don't make assumptions about me that they do when I am heavier.

Ironically I'm invisible when larger. I'm pretty self confident at any size and certainly no one is going to know if I'm confident or not just on casual encounters at the store for example. But while I literally get bumped in to when larger 'oh sorry didn't see you' to people smiling and moving aside when I'm slim. At a cafe once with two much slimmer women and the waiter literally did not look at me. He took their order and I practically had to call after him with mine. When he came back they got 'here you go' with a smile 'and here's your latte' other smile and I had mine unceremoniously plonked down with no comment or smile. I'm sure it was totally subconscious. But yea big difference.
I also was included in a more social occasions once slimmer - I looked more like them.

I think if someone is less confident, that will also make a difference, in addition to being treated differently apart from that.

But I don't think that a few clothing sizes will necessarily make a differernce to how people treat someone.

It's funny, I'm not sure if there is a universal point at which a person moves from being curvy to fat in other people's minds, even two people the same size may be perceived differently by one person. I think things like how fit they are (seperate to weight) or how well put together they are can mitigate size to an extent. I think maybe it goes towards showing them to be more in control of themselves, and I think that a lot of the negativity to overweight people is about seeing them as having less self-control.

A lot more people are overweight these days than when I was younger, so to an extent we have adapted our thinking. I wouldn't necessarily notice someone was heavier unless I thought about it consciously. For example, I recall considering people I work with and realised around 50% are probably overweight, which surprised me. I do notice more at exercise classes though, as generally the majority there are not overweight, depending on the class..

Yes I think we do judge the morbidly obese. It's not healthy to be like that and I imagine it's not something they want for themselves either, so it's kind of instinctive. And it is associated with lower intelligence in the sense that generally speaking the better off, more capable people, tend not to be as overweight. That is not to say I judge people I actually know on their weight, but in public one only has their appearance to go on and we spend less than a nano second thinking about most of them, so I can see how heavier people could be treated less well in the moment.

I have been a size 12 and a size 24 and it's men on the whole that I noticed treated me differently. Women seemed to just be thankful they weren't as fat as me and men often treated me with contempt or indifference when I'm fatter.

I have lost a lot of weight (110lbs/50kg) after being fat since I was a pre-teen. I'm about to turn 34 and for my whole adult life I have been a size 18, with brief periods as a 14 and as a 22. I am now an 8/10 and it’s my first experience of being slim.

For context, I am autistic and I miss a lot of social cues/reactions from other people. I therefore didn’t often notice the more insidious poor treatment when I was heavier. However, I have definitely noticed a shift in attitudes now that I’m smaller. Men have done double-takes when I’ve been standing in the queue at the shop, people seem more inclined to smile or make cheery comments in passing, and people just seem generally more happy to help. When I was bigger, I sometimes got the sense that I was causing irritation just by existing, e.g. asking for help in a shop, or taking a seat beside someone on a busy train.

It’s definitely not a confidence or presentation thing with me, either. If anything, I make less effort now! I usually go out in leggings and a hoody with no make up on. My confidence and attitude have always been the same; to be honest, I didn’t actually realise how big I previously was so thought I looked better than I did, like some sort of reverse body dysmorphia

The question is "do you get treated better if you are slim good looking"

In most cases, many women and some men do get "treated better" and by the other sex for reasons only they behold.

As to being "slim" or not, I've always been slim as has my OH, but at times we can just judge by their face, what the say, their body language that they dont want us there as we are not from the uk. If we not that, they never get our business again and it note it very early on, we walk out

In my younger days when I was slim , other women saw me as some kind of threat , in one workplace a woman constantly watched what I ate and even wrote in down . In another workplace on bitch made my life hell from day one . Someone told me it was because I was slim and she could not lose weight no matter how hard she tried . I didn't say or do anything to upset her this started right from the get go.

As I've gained weight as I aged men ignore me which I actually prefer and women are nice to me

Yes I've noticed a difference, I have gone from a size 16 to a 10 , almost 8.
I took my car to a garage and was almost made to feel like I was stupid over a light that came on my dashboard when I was a 16 , kind of sniggered at and frowned at like I was wasting thier time.
Totally forgot about it.
Two years later had to pop into the same garage as tyre was flat , same staff, treated me like a completely different person, they didnt recognise me, the men were running around , calling me love ( annoying) come sit in our office have a cup of tea while it's being sorted.... after I left I realised omg is it because I look completely different now? And I'm pretty sure it was

I have always been very large/morbidly obese as an adult. Currently a size 22 but I am 3 stone lighter than I was a year ago (and steadily working on losing more). I have had awful comments and interactions with people being angry that I am fat and ugly and daring to be out in the world. If I carry on losing weight then I will find it interesting to see if how I am treated changes.

I did a CBT course last year and that helped me get my thoughts in order and helped with anxiety (a slight improvement at least). I realized that the majority of people are ok and are concentrating on their lives and it is just a minority of arseholes who feel they need to comment on how big someone is or their appearance.

The general population hate fat people (even though most of the population is fat?).

Yup. And the second is a significant contributing reason for the first. Most people don't want to be fat themselves because if the negative connotations. So when some find themselves fatter than they want to be, they look for someone who is even fatter to punch down on. Note the comment PP recieved in the supermarket 'I'm not THAT big'. Right. So, you are big (ger than you want to be), just not as big as another woman, and you want to tell your partner and yourself that.

I think there's a bit of truth in what you say but I believe people really do react differently to fat people. A lot of people will react favourably to slim people.

I think this is true. Much of the vileness in the world really comes from insecurity at some level.

I get treated pretty neutrally, definitely no flirty looks from men etc. but some looks of pity/ distaste from some women. I'm pretty skinny. When I was more normal weight I think I seemed more approachable, people smiled more when they saw me etc. when I was bigger I had some nasty remarks about my size, but more 'attention' from older, unattractive looking men.

https://www.employment-studies.co.uk/news/weigh-more-and-get-paid-less-why-obesity-wage-penalty-women-matters#:~:text=First%2C%20and%20expanding%20on%20the,such%20gap%20exists%20for%20men.
Although I think confidence levels play a part I also think there is a huge amount of prejudice about overweight people. This study in this link seems to demonstrate this is certainly the case in the work place for women.
Take the poster earlier who said something like “I don’t judge people…but competent people tend to be slim” 🤦‍♀️🤣

You have just reminded me of a study I read about how men and women react toward people they don't find attractive. The researchers found that women tend toward apathy or derogation but men experience anger and feelings of aggression toward people they find unattractive.

So I agree that people may carry themselves with more confidence when they're thinner, which could contribute to strangers treating them better. However, if society deems that fat = ugly, and (a lot of) men instinctively feel aggression toward people they find ugly, that goes a lot deeper than heavier people simply lacking in confidence.