Washing up - is DH filthy or am I overreacting?

[Washingupfury]

I have name changed for this. Dh and I have a disagreement about washing up water. He feels that you fill the sink, start with cleanest stuff eg glasses work your way through to the dirty stuff and no need to change the water unless the bubbles disappear, even if the water looks dirty.

I fill the sink, wash, rinse under running water, and if the water gets cloudy I change it.

I just caught him washing a cereal bowl in this:

I think it's disgusting. He thinks it is fine 'as it was the last thing to be washed'. We have agreed to abide by the MN poll for future washing up.

So, YABU DH is sensible and timesaving, of course the last few things will be washed in cloudy water.

YANBU DH is filthy and clean water and rinsing are the way to go.

Well I do your husbands way but what I do is to rinse off dishes as I use them so I ill rinse off plates , pans , glasses bowls etc and then when I do the washing up the are mostly clean so the water doesn't really get that dirty

I guess I don’t eat off my underwear. But maybe that’s just me being precious and uptight 🤷‍♀️

@Bunnyhair would you wash them with kitchen towels?

Why are people talking about washing underwear?

Unless you eat off your clothes, they don't need to be hygienic or clean in the way that dishes and utensils do.

"... and people’s saliva…. "

Erm, the OP seems to be sharing cutlery and crockery with her husband. I think there's a fair chance that they encounter each other's saliva in other ways!

The water doesn't need changing, no, but the dishes do need rinsing. If that's not a perfect compromise, I don't know what is

@DrJoanAllenby that's alright! I don't post much but I have been on MN for a very long time. I wouldn't dream of posting on AIBU about something I might get sensitive about 😀.

I have to say I am v surprised at the way this has gone though, DH is finding it hilarious as I was v confident that he would be found in the wrong. Now I haven't got a leg to stand on.

We are closer to your DH's style in our house.
I tend to wash cleanest first, run another bowl when it gets dirty. Will rinse if anything is gritty (mashed potato residue is the worst for this 😂) or whatever.
DH usually runs a half bowl and gets most of the bits off then runs a full bowl and washes everything properly until its all finished, regardless of how dirty the water gets (bearing in mind he rinsed most of it earlier).
I still find bits on it when he skips the first step though and put stuff back to go round again. Beats having to do it all myself though.

Half and Half for me.

I start with a small amount of soapy water in the bowl and then wash and rinse the things so that the water goes into the bowl. So cutlery and glasses and bowls to start. As the things get bigger, there is deeper water in the bowl for washing, yet everything gets rinsed as I go. If it fills up then I tip half out and carry on.

In reality though these days, I only wash the cat bowls up, everything else goes in the dishwasher. And I wash those under running water with no bowl. And I don't fill or empty the dishwasher, that's my OH's job.

Underwear goes in a separate delicates wash. Towels of all kinds go on hot wash. Also, frankly, I’m a bit squeamish about kitchen towels. I don’t like it that people wipe their hands on them seemingly for weeks without washing them and also use them to dry dishes (that haven’t been rinsed).

For me it’s not about germs and worrying about getting ill, so much as a general feeling of 🤢. And also I find things taste and smell like dish soap if they are not rinsed.

I’m not generally a clean freak, either - I have a toilet brush, I’m not too alarmed about dust, nobody has to take their shoes off in my house. I just want to vom when I see people washing dishes in cold grey dishwater they’ve used for the dog’s bowl, with chunks floating in it. Which seems to be really common here. Even among people with visitor-ready, shoes-off houses. I find it weird.

So you never have guests round and offer them a cup of tea or some food?

and tbh I don’t want even my own saliva sitting around on crockery in my cupboard - even when I was living alone I wouldn’t have!

I'm with your husband. Wash up cleanest to dirtiest and don't change the water. Don't waste water!

Fill the bowl, cleanest things through to dirtiest.

As long as it's visibly clean, it's absolutely fine. Rinse only if really needed, because fuck me it's a huge waste of water to wash under a continually running tap. Obsessing futher than that is just ridiculous.

So presumably you hand out cups of tea to guests with medical grade gloves on, and store all your cups in a sterile cupboard? Because otherwise, think of all that dust and grime that have got onto them since washing!

Trust me, literally nobody will be worried that a mug you are giving out may have been used by another person.

"filthy"

"disgusting"

"caught him"

But suddenly "light-hearted" after the responses disagree with you.

Aye.

Before we had a dishwasher I never filled a sink full of water I just washed it under a running tao with a dishmatic. A sink full of water and dirt is just skanky to wash up in.

I got mixed up with your poll and answered wrongly.

We have a dishwasher but there are some things that have to be washed in sink. I don't have a basin and don't fill the sink. I wash under running water. Your husband is being a mink.

You know that dishwashers fill up with water once and recycle that water over and over, right?

Our dishwasher broke a few months back and hadn't been replaced. I tend to do one of two things, both involving a basin of very hot water. First lazy method is bung everything in and soak for an hour, then empty water out, make fresh, and wash them while rinsing each under hot tap.
For big and greasy things, I try and add boiling water and detergent straight away then go mad with a scourer then a brush, then rinse under hot.
So yeah, your DHs method is not great. But if the dishes are coming out clean then I'd probably turn a blind eye.

Oh no you've caught me

I can’t get over the number of people who have never had to think about each drop of water they use. What’s the water version of “making the penny squeak”?

If no one is getting sick, the job is being done right.

Reading comprehension is often not very good on MN. I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of the YABU voters would have missed the fact your husband doesn’t rinse.

I also agree that this method of washing dishes is very British. You would get very different responses on a more international forum. I’m not originally from here and find it very odd because the water goes cold and unless you’re doing a large amount of dishes it doesn’t even save water. Why wouldn’t you start by plugging a sink and already rinsing the dishes as the water runs (turning the tap off while you scrub)? You can put dirtier items in the sink from the start so they get a bit of soak. If you have a dishwasher and only use it for knives, glasses and the odd pan I bet by the end the sink will have less water than what your husband usually fills it with and everything would have need rinsed under hot water. Just don’t leave the tap constantly running.

No but they are stored in a closed cupboard and I obviously have clean hands to serve food and drink to people.

seems quite a few people on this thread would care about given a cup covered in all that crap, as would I at other peoples house, as would a nearly all of my friends and family! Luckily none of us “wash up” this way…

Greatful?

I get your point - but I think you’ll both live