To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

[lovingthespring]

We're expecting a boy, dh has lost his brother and his dad in recent years and wants to call our son his dads name and brothers name as first and middle, I get why this means so much to him but the names are old fashioned and I really don't know if I could learn to like them.
Do I just try and accept the names that I'll never like or just understand and respect why he wants to choose them.
I have suggested he use the names as double middle names but he doesn't want to.
There are so many gorgeous modern names that I want to choose but I also know this means a lot to do for his dad and brother.

I think the middle name is a good compromise. DS has the middle name of DH's brother who was killed as a teenager

No, definitely do not have this as a first name if you hate it!

This.

Your baby is his own person and deserves a name for him, not for people that have passed.

Middle names absolutely fine and lovely to do.

I agree you should include these names as middle names if it means so much to him. But you both need to choose a different first name. My sibling has the middle name of a relative who died long before they were born. They don't mind and it has helped us stay aware of that family member.

However, if you want to honour your DH's choices, I can assure you, you would get used to the name though I understand you may forever resent your lack of choice.

Maybe your DH needs grief counselling - there are other ways to deal with the loss of loved ones?

Think about the child, would they be happy with that name?

Frank. 🤣

Middle names.

My DH wanted similar (first name of dad) and I refused on the grounds they’d be forever ‘living in the shoes’ of someone they never even met.

He’s not thinking how weird it might be for him constantly naming his baby after someone he is grieving.

Tell him that you've taken his surname. You're giving the child his surname, and now he wants to dictate the first and middle names too? You aren't just an incubator. Tell him that you want babys first name to honour your dad or your brother etc

Tell him you'll go halves with him on a bench.

Babies are not memorial plaques.

So the kid gets his dad's dad's first name, dad's brothers middle name, dad's last name. This is the kid you're growing from your body and then birthing from your body and potentially feeding from your body.

No. He can choose the middle names, you choose the first name. Ask him why he thinks you shouldn't get a say in your sons name, like genuinely ask why he thinks that would be fair.

It says a lot about your husband that he is pushing for this, and not willing to compromise. I could learn to live with the name- I couldn’t live with the fact my husband asked that of me and wasn’t prepared to compromise on the name of my child

I wonder if he realises that calling out his deceased father and brothers name might actually be distressing for him and for others. Every time he says it or writes it he will be reminded of people that are no longer here. It won’t bring them back.

The poor child will forever have emotions attached to his name.

Your child will be their own person and deserves their own name, that both parents like.

I think it’s very unfair on the child to do this to him. Your partner sounds selfish to want to do this to his child and to try to make you agree to it.

If the names are awful, I wouldn’t even agree to them being middle names. It’s not like your partner is going to forget about his dad of brother, so why does the poor kid have to be burdened with their names.

What are the names?

Ohh we had a similar issue. I was so glad to have a girl 😬

So this child will have 2 relatives names and dh surname. No way. You get to choose first name. I'm of the opinion that the mum should get to choose the names.

The names don't matter. That just opens it up to mocking and ridicule, personal views on the merits of the names rather than the concept.
As demonstrated by someone mocking Frank as a name up thread. A name I happen to like and know several of.

This

I feel really bad for your poor DH but no, don't do it.

Using them as middle names seems like a lovely way to honour them and you both get to decide on a first name you BOTH love. You are carrying this baby for 9 months and have to push it out, it would not be fair that his entire name has come from your husband, assuming surname will also be his. Let alone you not actually liking it at all!

Your son is his own individual, he sadly will never meet or know these people, he deserves a name just for him.

Interested to know what the names are though. I am imagining all sorts like Frank Stephen.

A child should have his own name in his own right. The family names should be middle names to honour their memory. I don't like US style junior names, as if a new son has no identity of his own but is always in a shadow.

I think it's lovely to incorporate the names as middle names but wrong to saddle a child with a dead relatives name. He is a person in his own right.

I would push for them to be middle names. Your son needs his own identity. He isn't his uncle or grandfather.
I understand why your husband wants to use the names but he should be flexible.

I named mine after passed away grandfathers so both his great grandparents on both sides. But I liked the names. My ex husband wanted his other grandfather but I didn’t like the name and said no. His parents but pressure on and I said no. Funnily enough his parents didn’t try it with his siblings children.

I love my son’s name and he is the only one of his name we have ever come across. He loves it too.

By the time he grows up the names will probably be back in fashion again.