To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

[lovingthespring]

We're expecting a boy, dh has lost his brother and his dad in recent years and wants to call our son his dads name and brothers name as first and middle, I get why this means so much to him but the names are old fashioned and I really don't know if I could learn to like them.
Do I just try and accept the names that I'll never like or just understand and respect why he wants to choose them.
I have suggested he use the names as double middle names but he doesn't want to.
There are so many gorgeous modern names that I want to choose but I also know this means a lot to do for his dad and brother.

I would have them both as middle names but no way on earth would I give the baby the first and second name of dead relatives. He is presumably getting DH's surname too, so the same surname as the deceased.

I want to feel pride and joy when I say my baby's name and have him as a new person in his own right, not have him used as some sort of memorial where people are wistfully thinking of the dead when they use his name.

Both as middle names I think

Yes he'll have dh surname.
I have already said I'm happy to use both as middle names which I think is very fair but would like to choose a modern name as a first name so he was upset about it which made me wonder if I was being unkind.
His dad and brother were very lovely but their names are just not fashionable anymore.
I also agree with the poster who said he should have his own identity.

No, your child isn't a walking memorial bench.

He can have his own name, that you both like.

And the other names as middle names.

No. As sad as it is for your husband, this is about your son. My middle name is my mum's grandma's name, she died just as I was born and my mum was really close with her. She talked about her a lot. Unfortunately she means absolutely nothing to me although I'd have liked to have met her. The name itself is fine and it's classic so I don't care about that, but if it was a name I didn't like I think I'd feel a bit weird being lumbered with a crap name because of my mums feelings toward someone who was nothing to me. 'Honouring' someone won't mean anything to that person if they're dead, and won't mean anything to your son either. It's purely about your husbands feelings and I'm not sure that's the most sensible way to choose a name

I'd resent it forever to be honest but would also feel guilty if your DP really is that upset about it.

Is there a "modern" nickname that could be derived out of the names? Teddy is really popular now for names like Edison, Edward etc. Just a suggestion!

Hard no. Your son is a person in his own right, and deserving of his own name, not two hand- me- downs.

P.s. both my DCs have grandparents/brother middle names. Their first names are their own and not from any of our family.

He can be upset.
He can feel all his feelings.
It's still a No.

And don't let him drag you into conversations.

No, DH my feelings won't change.
I'm not talking about this anymore
Either you help look for other names or I'll name this baby myself.

And after that Just flat out ignore him.

If I died, I’d be mortified if anyone foisted my name on a little baby. Sorry op you’re going to have to say no

Both parents should love their child’s name or else it’s not the right name for your child.

do not accept names you don’t like as a first name, a middle name I’d accept but not a first name.

What’s your mother in law’s take? She may not want this either

My youngest has my mum's first name as a middle name (my mum died years before DD2 was born).

DD2 is really intrigued and proud to have the same name even though they'll never meet. Close family were pleased too.

It's a fairly old fashioned name but one I like. I wouldn't have used it as a first name as like other posters have said, she's her own person.

Your husband is being very unreasonable. He should not be expecting you to name your child something you don’t like to please him no matter what his reasoning.

Can you present it as , of course you want to honour his dad and brother, but you want this baby to have an independent identity. So you're happy to use dad and brothers names as middle names, but need a first name that is his own.
Alternatively, is there a diminutive of either name that you could use? Eg Zander, Jamie, Nico?
Obviously Brian and Gary are not going to work like that!
I did have a friend who felt compelled to use her FiLs name, which she didn't like, but came to accept it because it was her lovely baby's name.

Also op, presumably if you were expecting a girl he wouldn't want to name her Keith Martin Surname. She would have her own name and he would continue to remember his dad and brother in the way he wants. But he can do that now, without tangling his son and you up in additional burden. Hopefully he'll realise that nothing has to change, he can love his dad and brother in the same way still.

YANBU if the names are Harold or Arthur. But if they are David or Peter, nothing wrong with those.

Can you tell us what the names are?

Don't choose any name just because it is fashionable. Choose a name because you both love it. And use family names as middle names.

My two DS both have names that others would call old fashioned. To me, they are just traditional names and they suit them both. No doubt they will be fashionable again one day.

Op, it is very unusual for a post to be unanimous but I have to agree with everyone else. Don’t let your child not have his own identity by calling him after 2 dead relatives. Let him ‘honour’ these relatives by having 2 middle names. It also sounds very difficult for your Mil. Choose a new 1st name for your new little bundle.

I'm team 2 middle names too. Aside from anything else, I think it's better to give the child his own name rather than forever be linked to a dead relative he never met.
My mum died while I was pregnant and my son has a male version of her name as a middle name.

Good God I would hate to call my DC after a close dead relative

Middle name yes that's always fine

First name never

This. Middle names or nothing.

Like I said to DH I'm carrying this baby and I'm pushing this baby out so we are absolutely not calling him @@@@

I was named after my Dad's stepsister who died in her teens long before I was born.
I never knew anything about her, just that I was named for her. To be honest it was a family that used the same names over and over, so I would otherwise have been called Bridget or Mary, of which there were many!
I wonder if there is a family name from a previous generation that could honour the connection, someone loved by both deceased relatives eg a grandad?