To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

[lovingthespring]

We're expecting a boy, dh has lost his brother and his dad in recent years and wants to call our son his dads name and brothers name as first and middle, I get why this means so much to him but the names are old fashioned and I really don't know if I could learn to like them.
Do I just try and accept the names that I'll never like or just understand and respect why he wants to choose them.
I have suggested he use the names as double middle names but he doesn't want to.
There are so many gorgeous modern names that I want to choose but I also know this means a lot to do for his dad and brother.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄Do one.

I feel for OP's husband as well - he has lost two family members (and losing his brother in particular must have hit hard because he was likely to be of.a similar age - something like that is very brutal),but I agree with the OP that these names would be better as middle names if she doesn't like them.

ANd I would think the same if they were modern names that she doesn't like.

I'd absolutely hate it if a family member used my late brother's name as a first name, it would feel like erasure. I'm not ready for him to be in the past like that.
Middle name would be lovely

Names don’t belong to anyone and of course his name will be his own no matter what the origin.

Husband wants to give the child these names because his son is so important. I think it’s unfair though to police his thoughts while he’s grieving.

I lost my mum when late pregnant and my daughter has first part of her name and second daughter has the second part x

If it was old fashioned ww2 era I could live with it but not Kevin Gary Steve style names - just no, the wrong era.

Can him the name, but he can be known by his middle name, which is your choice. I know a couple of people who do this

It’s your son too and you are the one doing all the pushing! Middle names is a fair compromise.

I agree with this. It’s a lot to put on the baby/child/adult growing up. They may have an entirely different personality and find it hard to live with. I also don’t think I would find it easy to call my child a name I identify so much with a deceased loved one - the more loved the harder it would be. It’s quite different to honour as a middle name, you don’t have to say it every time you pick them up.

I would use the brothers name as a middle name but never a first. I think people should have their own name and not be called after someone else. My partner has the same first name as his dad and I never know who people are talking about. He's even got his dad's mail before and his dad got a call from the doctor about my partner.

Unfortunately, your partner's brother and father will never be replaced and giving you son their name won't help anyone. You wouldn't want your child to believe he is a replacement.

You both to agree on this. He doesn't get to overrule you.

Why should you live with a name you don't like? It's your baby!

And your baby is not a memorial for other people. He's his own person and deserves his own name.

Stick to your guns with using those names as middle names. Unless DH is the one carrying the babies also, I don’t think he has the right to choose names that he knows you aren’t happy with. Yes they mean something to him, but as PP stated, your soon to be little boy isn’t an ‘in memoriam’. It’s a hard situation but be firm ❤️

Is it?

Would you name your child 2 names you disliked to honour dead relatives?

Thing is though, if the child is gonna be known by the middle name anyway then what’s the point? Also I work in education and this is an incredibly common thing with a certain boy’s name (and for them to be known by middle name) for religious and cultural reasons. Fair enough but the poor kids end up being very confused when the register is being done!

Your husband is already getting the surname! How can you carry a baby and give birth to it and have so little say?

I imagine the baby will have daddy’s surname so the same as them too so adding their names as middle names means that the family is very honoured already. Be honest, the baby needs his own name!

What’s the name

I’d say no and maybe compromise on just one of them for a middle name. My daughter’s middle name is a variation of my nephew who passed away’s name. If she had of been a boy I’d never have dreamt of giving her his actual name as a name or a middle name. However with her being a girl I found a really pretty variant for a girl that suited her and went with her name and her other middle name.

The middle name we chose suits her as well it also gives her, her own identity as well as being a connection to her cousin.

is there a variation you could use instead? maybe that’s an option. Also the baby might be born and not look like the names your husband wants to use.

Depends what the names are. Lots of old names are nice. If it’s something awful, then don’t do it.

James
John
Charles
Edward

All fine

Dereck
Barry
Mark
Gavin

Not

Totally agree, little one should have a name (both) his parents love
And after all he’s his own person not a walking memorial.

You are not being unreasonable on this one.

As much as people want to honour their much loved deceased ones, it's not right to do that to a child. Go put up a plaque somewhere, like a local park bench to honour them, or buy and name stars in the sky for them.

Because when your child asks why you gave them their name - "Because I loved that name" is the best answer you can give.

And never, ever, give your child a name you don't like - because they'll know you never put their needs first, that you were more concerned about someone else, even though if you hate the names, and know there's a posibility they might not like their name.

Put your foot down and compromise on middle names only.

And suggest to your husband he finds other ways to honour his loved ones.

How good is he as.a husband and father? Selfish and lazy or super kind, helpful, caring and puts u first most of the time.
Id base my decision on that. If he is brilliant and never asks for much then give him what he wants. If he's always thinking about himself and pushing for his own way, stand Ur ground. Thats my take on it.

I understand where your husband is coming from. However, he's being unreasonable. This is your son too. He will be his own person. Naming him after brother and Dad won't bring them back. Middle names yes, a nice gesture but I personally would not be naming my child a name I didn't like. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. We lost a child and I wouldn't dream of using her name for someone else.

I would use them as middle names. My name is my Grandmothers names and when I was growing up they were old fashioned although they are coming back, think Lily, Arthur etc. I hated being little Lily, Lily 2 etc. I would have much preferred to be called Jane Lily-Rose or similar. I always felt that I was being compared to them and not allowed to be me.