To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

[lovingthespring]

We're expecting a boy, dh has lost his brother and his dad in recent years and wants to call our son his dads name and brothers name as first and middle, I get why this means so much to him but the names are old fashioned and I really don't know if I could learn to like them.
Do I just try and accept the names that I'll never like or just understand and respect why he wants to choose them.
I have suggested he use the names as double middle names but he doesn't want to.
There are so many gorgeous modern names that I want to choose but I also know this means a lot to do for his dad and brother.

A family member has used the names of 3 people who died for her dc and I find it a bit odd. They’re not that person and deserve their own name. You can honour/remember people who were important by using their names as middle names. I’d hate to be named after someone who’d died.

I’m also team middle names. My Dad was named after two Uncles who died in WW2. He’s never really felt the names were his name, just on loan from dead uncles.

It also didn’t help various family members would get upset when they saw him and then of course started talking about the dead uncles. So it just made him super uncomfortable whenever he saw family.

But the celebrity name still becomes the child's name. When I was pregnant husband and I both liked the name Natalie. In my case because I admired Natalie Merchant and in his, the actress, Natalie Baye. It's a combination of a nice name which 2 strong, intelligent , talented women had. It's considerably less weird than picking a horrible name just because it's a dead relative's.

Baby was a boy. First name not after anyone and second my maternal, and still living at the time, grandfather

Middle names for sure.
Baby's last name will be DH's last name (the same last name of his father and brother too).

So your husband is getting 3 out of 4 names already. You are carrying the baby and definitely have a say on baby's first name.

I’m not a parent, but this sounds ridiculously OTT to me.

I have 3 sons and we gave then traditional Spanish names. They were named with family members in mind, their names ,are solid and easy to pronounce in any language.

My youngest niece was given a beautiful name that's traditional in Spanish and English, except the pronunciation is different. She's a South African born and from an early age corrected teachers and friends how she wanted her name vocalised without a problem.

You need to talk to your DH and reach a compromise, but traditional, old fashion names can be tomorrow's modern trend again.

There is no way I’d agree to this unless I liked the names. Make them 2 middle names instead.

This.

Also, how many children are you planning on having?

Maybe just one name this time rather than both?

Your son deserves his OWN name, and not to be a gravestone to the past.

Well, a number of people on this thread either were that child or know someone who is/was and they all agree with me that the child was unhappy and/or resentful about it or even saw it as a burden. It's a bad idea.

I would put the point that John Arthur Smith (or Arthur John Smith) is neither John Smith (or Arthur Smith) and shouldn't be confused with THE John Smith (or Arthur) he's named after. He might not be the most loveable/most gentle/most sporty/most polite/nicest person out there that the original John Smith was, and it's important not to sully the memory of the much loved brother (or Dad) if the new, younger John Smith doesn't quite come up to scratch in those respects (which he probably won't). In years to come would the two John Smiths get confused in time? And won't that detract from your DH's memory of his brother? Best that your son is middle name to acknowledge his ancestry.

Mil died when I was pregnant and DD has her first name. I did like the name and felt it would be important to DH and his family.

dd is still very much her own person not a shrine.

Even if I hadn’t loved the name I would probably have done it. Very quickly their names are just their names and it’s fine.

Is it possible that you would like the name more, if it was associated with your beautiful, beloved baby son, @lovingthespring? In the same way that you can be really put off a name if you know a nasty person called that name, perhaps the opposite could apply - knowing someone you love with that name might make it nicer for you.

But as previous posters have said, you both need to like the name, so regardless of whether what I’ve just said is right or not, your current feelings probably matter a lot more. Using the names as middle names is a good compromise.

When I was having our first baby MIL thought we wouldn't need to think of a boy's name, the last 4 generations had had the same name in his father's family. There was no way I would have used it, it was in the '70s old fashioned though quite popular now, thanks William and Kate, but I did say we would use the middle name as a middle name, it was the middle name of most of the men in both families!

What are the names?

It's not fair he is dictating all names. His heart is ruling his head. The baby needs it's own identity and a name you like at least!!!

A friend of mine is called “Tiger” for this exact reason. His mum just called him that from infancy because she hated the “family names” her son was required to have. The Tiger name was very cute for child, and as young man, was very attractive and memorable. He still uses the name as a professional and it’s confident. Not suggesting Tiger, but it worked. (Started before that golf guy)

Went to Uni with a girl called Michael Augustus (Again fathers insistence for some mighty family reason) - every one of 4 children in her family was called Michael Augustus regardless of gender. Their mum gave each of the 3 girls a flower pet name from birth. None use the girls use Michael or Augustus but it’s on passports and places where can’t use nick name.

Have you said to him that if the child has his surname and BIL/FIL's names he won't have his own identity? It's a lovely idea to honour FIL and BIL but if every time little one encounters someone from DH's side of the family they comment oh isn't he the spit of BIL and has his name too that won't be nice for him. I agree with everyone else, go with them as middle names - and go on about how much you love the idea of honouring them etc and using their names so DH feels you get it and aren't just being difficult- but emphasise the importance of having your own identity. Also as times change names can have different meanings so you need to try to choose a name that won't hamper the child when they are eg applying to be an investment banker. So whilst X and Y might have been fabulous choices in 1950/70 they are not the right names for now. Good luck, hopefully he will come round.

@RazzlePuff what fresh hell is this - Michael Augustus despite gender? Mental!

If you don't love it, then put them as middle names.

I wouldn’t agree to those names being my child’s name, they can be middle names, but you should be able to choose a first name that you both agree on.
Or you could refuse to have either name.

I do particularly loathe the practise to name children after the father.

I know of a family where both the son and daughter had the father and mothers names respectively.
Imagine the confusion !

Be careful of course, he can register the baby without you.

I couldn’t give my son a name I didn’t like - and your husband should not ask this of you. Middle names would be a good compromise.

Burden! Don't be so bloody ridiculous.

In your opinion. Many people have posted similar thoughts. A child is not a memorial to the dead. ‘You’re just like/nothing like your dead uncle who we named you for’ 🤮 AWFUL.

I’m going against the grain here, if it was important to DH for these reasons I’d go with it. We didn’t get to choose DCs names as they’re adopted and they both have names that I would never have chosen. Before they moved in with us, I actually felt a bit uncomfortable with them but the second they became part of the family, those names were theirs and they were perfect.

I bet if you suggested naming the next child after your parents/siblings names that he didn’t like then he wouldn’t be pleased.

You gave birth to this child, you have an equal say in this, OP. The kid will have his family’s middle names and surnames, he’s being selfish.

Stand up for dc now.