Don’t want a second limited holiday with friend.

[Borntorun123]

NC for this.

I will start by saying I am lucky enough to have 3-4 budget holidays/ short breaks a year.

My last one was with an old friend who has mobility problems. She can manage most things but walking is very limited.

I willingly carried bags, pushed a wheelchair when necessary ( longer distances than she couldn’t walk in airports, etc), offered her first choice of seating, popped to shops for items, did everything I could to make things as comfortable and easy for her as possible.

She said that she had a good time and I am pleased. On the other hand I found that the holiday was so limited that I felt guilty and frustrated. I felt sorry for her, and very much appreciated my own physical health, but I constantly felt restricted. I run every day and was still able to do that, but whilst out saw places I would have liked to spend time exploring, or nice looking restaurants for a long dinner, etc. So many things to see and do.

Apart from travel by taxi to a few carefully chosen places, we could only go to one place on the beach where sun beds were provided
( charged) , and just one restaurant.

I can’t imagine how frustrated my friend is with being so immobile. I know I am very lucky.

She has now suggested going away together again. We’ve only been home a few weeks and it wouldn’t be until Autumn. She is looking to me to arrange everything as before. It took a lot of research, trying to ascertain what roads and paths are like, exact proximity to attractions, contacting property owners with several questions, etc. and despite my best efforts a few things still didn’t go to plan, which were commented upon.

I don’t want to go away with her again, at least not for the second time in a year. As well as being restricted it cost me significantly more due to taxis ( I rode in the taxi so of course split costs), it was always me popping to the shops for minor purchases, which individually seemed too trivial in cost to split, but actually totted up to a significant sum.

AIBU to tell her no? She couldn’t holiday alone, whereas I plan to do that for my next trip.

@exomoon I believe you about your mum. I do not think her issue is about mobility though.

I suspect the friend was more demanding then op originally envisioned.

Yes, and quite possibly not very polite about it.

People have been speculating on both sides of the debate.

There are plenty of posters putting in the boot in and criticising the disabled friend too including you. Hopefully the friend hasn't read the comments but disabled people will read this thread and a lot of comments are quite nasty to disabled people in general.

Regarding the friend, yes it would have been good if she had sorted out her own specific needs and requirements but I suspect that if she hasn't organised a holiday before or even been on when while disabled then she didn't realise what her requirements would be herself. Likewise, OP didn't know exactly how hard it would be either. It is something people who are disabled and their partners/family etc gradually learn. A lot of this just came down to miscommunication and lack of experience. It's not OP's fault but it is certainly not the friends either.

I agree. I think some posters experiences on here and opinions reflect looking after very elderly parents who are recently ill and disabled and they think that means they know about all disabled people regardless of their age, disability, or years of experience with that disability.

She isn't complaining, she just doesn't want to do it again which is fair enough.

@wombat15 having a disability doesn't mean a person is immune from criticism and any that has been levelled at the friend is due to her behaviour, not her disability!
Friend has certain requirements of a holiday, yet made no attempt to research or arrange what she needed and has actually been critical of the OP's efforts. OP is not her personal assistant!
She's taken for granted that the OP will suck up additional costs incurred solely due to her disability. I'm wondering if the friend asked the OP at all whether she had anything specific she'd like to do. Seems she's treated OP as if her sole purpose in this break is to make sure friend had a good time.

I didn't say it does mean she is immune to criticism though. For example, most people have been critical that she didn't offer to pay for her share of the shopping. Nobody knows what she is or isn't capable of doing research wise but I can see why she might think OP would be better at it than her given she goes away a lot and she perhaps has never been away since being disabled. Even if she had been good, it is very hard to work out what will and won't work on holiday if disabled as information is often very limited and incorrect. Also, it seems to me that never of them knew the other's needs and there was miscommunication so why just be critical of the disabled person?

I'm also not sure she was being critical of OP when making further suggestions although I can understand how it might seem that way. I would hope that it was more that having now been on holiday she has realised that certain things would make the holiday not only easier for her but also her companion. Hopefully she will contact a travel agent and discuss needs herself before going away with anyone again.

This is it, it’s impossible to know the tone and intention of the friends comments because we weren’t there.