Gynaecologist remark to DH

[Gyneapologist]

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

@marmaladeandpeanutbutter oh I can believe that. Being an oncologist and being senior doesn't prevent this type of man from being a tasteless misogynistic prick, it would not prevent him from trying to do a little extra misogynist "male bonding" by calling someone he doesn't know "mate". I've seen plenty of it.

Absolutely awful. I'm glad your husband was there to witness this, as most people would never believe a medic could be so abusive.

I don't think this is quite so bad. When I had an endometrial ablation which would mean I couldn't have a child the gynaecologist asked me what I would do if I 'met the man of my dreams' before I made the final decision.

I should have said that I wasn't offended. I was happily married but I didn't have a problem with him asking the question to make sure I knew the consequences of my decision.

@theDudesmummy In a lifetime of NHS involvement, I never have. It’s not the usual language of a much older middle class professional.

Why shouldn’t he be?

@marmaladeandpeanutbutter I guess my colleagues may have been a more misogynist bunch than yours!

That's appalling op, I would definitely log an official complaint. It's Misogynistic and inappropriate, and these things make me question the care that women get from male practitioners if that's their attitude.
Hope your recovery goes well too x

Yes it was definitely an attempt at male bonding, eyes rolling at the moany female in the room

Wow prejudices galore….

My father in law is 71 and he calls everyone mate or love. So yer believable

Wow, really? People support each other…..

Yes the moany female with cancer and with gynae organs removed.

Not only is it wildly inappropriate. It's also completely out of context to what your husband said.

What a bizarre logic. What do you think of male patients who take their wives to appointments?

But in a formal, work setting? In the street or shop but not as the chief of surgery in an oncology dept speaking with a patient.

What a ridiculous comment to make. Taking a partner along a any appointment does not mean you are not competent or independent. Hopefully you've never had cancer but trust me, there is often a need for additional support. Especially post-cancer treatment as emotionally that period can be one of the hardest. I'm speaking from experience. Shame you felt the need to try and belittle the OP.

OP - really awful remark. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with cancer twice, I can't imagine having to go through that again.

Gutted VesperLind and BeaRF75 haven’t returned to try and justify their own stupidity

Agreed

I'm wondering if they are employed by NHS. If so, I hope nowhere in the vicinity of where I live.

@DriftingDora agreed again!

A similar remark was made to the partner of a friend of mine, the doctor said to him, "What if you meet someone young and lovely and want to have a family with them?" He replied "I am with someone young and lovely and we have completed our family "

Same to be honest.

Surgeons can be arrogant pricks no matter the sector. Perhaps more so in the independent sector where they’re kow-towed to far more than in the NHS.

It is, of course absolutely standard to have someone with you for oncology appointment. Everybody knows that.

Anyway increasingly research is showing us that as women we fare better and have better outcomes under female surgeons.
OP this surgeon won’t be struck off or even disciplined but you can bet anything that his attitude will be at odds to those managing services.

You should feedback that it was an inappropriate and unprofessional comment. I’m assuming the appointment was just between you and the surgeon with your partner in attendance. Was there a nurse or any other healthcare professional present?