Gynaecologist remark to DH

[Gyneapologist]

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

I took my DH to an orthopaedic appointment recently as I am being listed for an operation after which I will need quite a bit of help for a couple of weeks. As my DH is the one who will do the ‘caring’ I thought he needed to be there so he knows what this would involve.

i also appreciated the support as I have been in agony with my shoulder recently and feel quite vulnerable.

BeaRF75, a rather crass comment, I think. Not everyone is like you. Many need the support of a loved one with them when going through a difficult consultation. I’m pleased that you don’t feel the need to have support, that you feel competent and independent enough to deal with potentially life changing information all by yourself; but I suggest you are in the minority. Most people, I think, given the choice and opportunity, would value having someone close to them with them on such an occasion, if only to take in more fully what is being said ( shock can mean some people only hear certain parts of what is being said). Not everyone is as independent and self assured during difficult situations as you obviously are, so you should respect that, not knock it.

I have London hospital reequest to access inforation from 2021 and person providing treatment was senior registrar.
It appeared in sevral pages.
You may want to inform yourself how NHS in some areas is behind what is actually best practice and how culture is slow to change.
It includes titles,way to treat patients,accessibility of certain aspects of care etc.
Again, yes peopel are greatful for medical help, but let's not pretend omissions are not made. Doctors are just humans and need feedback as everyone else.

Not funny at all

Really? Why shouldn’t he be if the OP wanted him there. She is recovering from cancer. What a crass and pointless remark 🙄

I agree. Report it!

Make a formal written complaint signed by both of you.

Yes totally agree. What a twattish remark.

When pregnant with my first at 35 I had a neuchal gap screening. Male Gynaecologist told my husband also present that I had the same reading as a 19 year old mother might get. To which he added, so she’s like a teenager inside if not out, with a creepy nudge nudge type grin. God I was mortified and so was Dh. What a plonker. This was over 20 years ago but I still remember it and cringe. I feel for you Op. It’s really really demeaning and unsettling.

Every organisation is full of stale, pale males at the top, it's not just the NHS

What an absolutely random take. I have a neurological condition and have regular hospital appointments. For the past 20+ years my husband has been to every single appointment with me (thankfully no one has mentioned trading me in, but that's by the by). @Gyneapologist I would definitely make a complaint. We shouldn't have to keep putting up with this shit. I hope you're on the road to recovery. Take care xx

How does race come into it?

Possibly something to do with the inherent entitlement of the white middle aged middle class man

Why would you have to ask this question. Report him stop this happening to someone else. It’s a disgrace.

You should've asked him how many wives he'd gotten through then. With that mentality he certainly is not the right person to be in obstetrics - nor in oncologie.

Why shouldn't he

Well that's a long story

When my ex went for a vasectomy the doctor asked him if he was sure because "he might meet Claudia Schiffer".

Extraordinary.

To make a remark like this they either think they are hilariously funny or they just don't care. In this case it's probably 'all boys together, innit'? so he thought it was acceptable to say this.

Probably also the 'God complex' that many of them suffer from. Patients are just the little people to some of them.

Fucking hell! Were you with him when the dr said it?

No I wasn't there. Ex was incredulous of the doctors audacity when he told me!

So an almost retirement age oncologist called your husband'mate'? Really? Sure.

I'm so sorry you experienced this OP, and to everyone else who's experienced these demeaning, misogynistic and callous attitudes and actions by certain medical professionals (and in many cases the serious adverse health outcomes that are a direct result of this endemic failure to take women's pain seriously). It made me think of what I felt when I read Adam Kay's book "This is going to Hurt". I was relieved / gratified in a way to come on MN and find many people had felt exactly the same way I had when reading it, as the book seemed to be getting universal praise in the press. I found his attitude to his patients (who were obviously all women given he was a gynae and obstetrics doctor) to be sneering, and belittling - clearly he thought the vast majority of his patients were fairly stupid (certainly not as clever as him) and his attitude often extended to the nurses too (who I imagine were a majority female). I can only imagine how distressing it must be to be in pain, very worried, and find that the people who are supposed to care for you at this time are so lacking in care and view you in such a belittling way.

Good luck with your health OP and with your complaint - I hope PALS takes it with the seriousness that it deserves.

What a strange question!?

OP, this is outrageous - how dare they. How could this be funny, especially in your situation

This terrible, you should report to the GMC (he won't actually get suspended or anything, but it is good for them to know about pricks like this anyway, it adds to a picture to help foster change in the profession, and other complaints may also be made about him).

The discussion about training grades: officially the terms SHO, SR etc aren't used any more but in practice they really are! "Senior Registrar/SR" hasn't been an official title in the NHS for years (they became Specialist Registrars/SpRs and now are ST4 to ST6), but I never got out of the habit of calling my trainee an "SR"!