Gynaecologist remark to DH

[Gyneapologist]

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

The 'person who just got out of university' is called Doctor. They would have been doing clinical placements since the start of their degree, unless they were studying at Oxford, Cambridge or St Andrews, in which case they would have started in Year 4) but still have had three years of clinical training before qualifying. Of course they are still in training but having responsibility for the bleep on night shift is a bit more serious than 'doing the shit no-one else wants to do'. That's my perspective.

I have every sympathy for the OP. I think it is shocking if any medical professional spoke to her like that. However, for every one doctor like that, there are many more excellent ones who are dedicated to their patients and who give a lot more of themselves than most people do in their jobs. I guess I just don't like the negative generalisations on this thread. The medical profession generally doesn't deserve it. The NHS is a mess right now but IMO the doctors, nurses and AHPs are generally the best part of it.

My point was that fresh out of uni, depending where they study, many may not have experience with basic medical procedures like taking blood, catheterising patients, or putting cannulas so average nurse is more experienced.

There is no negative generalization towards doctors here. Everyone is thankfull for NHS services. But let's not pretend all medical staff is professional. Some of them do scream,swear, throw degrading and sexist comments etc. And they do make mistakes. This is something that should be commented on openly.

But this wasn't a comedy show or friends bantering together.

It was a professional appointment between doctor and patient, and patient's partner.

In a medical appointment there is no place for ageist, sexist jokes at the patient's expense,

Well they sure as hell should have some experience if they have qualified. That's what OSCEs are for. It is not a competition between the relative contribution of doctors and nurses. They are totally different and complementary roles and both important. An average nurse may be more experienced in the procedures you refer to but they haven't studied medicine in the same way as a new F1 will have. I just took exception to the condescension in your post about young doctors doing all the shit no-one else wants to. Interestingly, you haven't commented on what I said about responsibility for the bleep? Or would you just classify the newly qualified doctor having to be first on the scene to a nocturnal cardiac arrest as the shit no-one else wants to deal with?

Where did I say all medical staff were professional? I sympathised with the OP and said what happened was shocking. Of course that awful unprofessional behaviour should be called out and openly commented upon but that doesn't mean that this isn't the exception rather than the rule.

I work in cancer care in the NHS - this is not acceptable and I’m sorry this happened to you. Please lodge a complaint with PALS.

So sorry you had to go through that, just absolutely appalling 😕 I really advise making a complaint it’s so harmful to have people like that working in the nhs, that could be the last straw for some people having been through cancer. Disgusting man, hope you recover soon xx

I would report it. That is misogynistic, rude, and ignoring your medical problem. This is how women are dismissed my medical professions and we have to stand up for ourselves.

Your information is years out of date. The grade SHO was abolished in 2007. As was Senior Registrar.

I’m sorry this happened to you.

i have experienced an awful situation with a so called professional which has resulted in me not going back for a check up I probably need. I have a lump in my breast which is the size of a small egg. I got it checked out and it was fine. They said if I got anymore to go back straight away though as it might not be next time. I now have another two lumps and during covid a nurse referred me for a biopsy. I was told by a male oncologist that we (me and the nurse) were making it up and there was nothing there. I actually heard him say to his male student as he left the room something about ‘irrational women’ these lumps are now bigger but I havent gone back.

This was the one time I didn’t take DH with me because I thought I could ‘handle it’ but I think it made it worse. I can’t offer advice but I do wish I would have complained at the time xx

Weird question

Why not? It’s mostly men that specialise in gynaecology unfortunately and that sets my teeth on edge because females are hard to get an appointment with. Why would you not want support given what OP has been through?

Sorry I clicked the wrong one! Pure misogyny!

That is a beyond awful comment. As far as he knows, there could be all sorts of issues in anyone's marriage and a male gynaecologist humiliating a woman patent in that way is horrific - he needs dealing with.

I would report to Hosp. PALS I think have it escalated bloody cheek of the ‘man’

Report the doctor to the hospital. Absolutely unacceptable.

Please don't let the behaviour of these awful men stop you from getting checked out properly. Any new lump needs checking. If it does turn out to be something that needs treating its much better to get it sorted earlier. Please make an appointment ASAP.

My oh goodness! How can this not be deemed as anything, other than massively inappropriate and completely unprofessional.
I imagine it’s the last thing you feel like doing, lodging a complaint, this gynaecologist needs to know, that he can’t speak to patients like this, what makes it even worse it sounds like he’s been in this profession for decades!
I can’t imagine, you wouldn’t have been the first patient, he’s spoken to like this.If you can, make a complaint, quite possibly other complaints have been made, yours may make all the difference.

Please go back.

Why not? Does your husband not support you at appointments? My husband comes to all of mine. He wants to be there to reassure and support me. I am glad that he's not body-shy.

This is not OK, OP. You do -not- have to put up with that, or allow him to further insult another woman by not reporting it.

As women, we are gaslighted into thinking we are pathetic snowflakes for complaining.

It is OK, to not be OK with this.

Grab him by the b*lls, OP and see how he likes it!

Report him to the GMC, he would certainly have a disciplinary for this, so unprofessional!

I have a whole mental list of misogynistic things said to me by male health care “professionals” over the decades, together with a list of the responses I wish I’d given at the time! I regret never making a formal complaint and would definitely do so now I’m older and wiser. When leaving the appointment I would calmly say “Oh one last thing - how do I go about making a complaint, or should I ask at reception?” just to make him feel uncomfortable, but I would go through with the complaint as well.

Why wouldn’t he be..?

I completely agree OP, I am 3.5 years into my cancer treatment (and still receiving ongoing treatment unfortunately) and my oncologist is the biggest twat ever. As are all of his male colleagues I have met, and the male surgeons! I was lucky enough to have an excellent female surgeon and she was training another junior surgeon at my 2nd and 3rd operations who was equally lovely. I fell out with my oncologist when they made a massive mistake in my care, and now I only communicate with him by email so that I have a record of everything he tells me. It’s a very well known issue in the NHS and the private sector.

You both need to lodge a complaint! That was beyond unprofessional