Is there a trend of 50 year olds leaving long term partners?

[CantBelieveNaive]

Is this really a trend? I saw it on a female quotient post today and judging by my 50 year old friends who can afford it, they are leaving them instead of looking forward to. Retirement of waiting on them.
Am even considering myself!
Are you? 👑👢👢

Semantics.

Google it.

There is just very little point to men after menopause
So, so true for many women!

Side note; there isn’t anything attractive about a man who has a second family in his 50s. Not one single thing.
Trust me. They get dumped by the new woman and become very spoilt goods.

@burnttoad

This is such a male hating comment

I don’t hate men. I love some of them. But I do think by most objective standards women are just better: more intelligent, harder working, more empathetic, more resourceful.

Men had one key advantage from an evolutionary perspective: they were and are physically more powerful. That was a huge advantage in the days when your ability to survive depended on your ability to do physical activity and repel predators.

That translated into an ability to make more money and for most of human history that has been their key advantage and the one thing that above all women needed them for, particularly because our own ability to make money is usually curtailed by child-bearing and child rearing.

Now that advantage has increasingly been eradicated I am just not really clear what they bring to bear in a family other than money. They usually do minimal domestic work and childcare.

I am not saying we should hate them all, far from it. But I do question why women still feel the need to structure their lives around them. I think all things being equal and as long as there is sufficient money to support the family, a female led household is a better environment for children to grow up in.

@Thepeopleversuswork also women's independence in every way was deliberately curtailed by men for centuries.

I think we are going to see many very angry men when they start to realise women are becoming indifferent to them because women are releasing their own worth and capabilities more and more.

Romance and sex are powerful drivers towards men in our youth but as time wears on, it just fades.

It would take a remarkable man to make me consider dating again. All the men on Tinder at my age look like Compo. And I would never imagine a younger man would look twice at me.

Realising not releasing

If they are, then I think its just replaced the previous trend of leaving in their 40s, reflecting the general move to do things later in life. There's a lot of women who leave lacklustre marriages 'as soon as they can', which tends to mean when the DC are grown, they have more independence and greater earning capacity. This seems for many to have been pushed back from 40s to 50s as the age to have children rises. What will be interesting is what that does to the rate of remarriage/new relationships. The women I knew who left in their 40s wanted to meet someone else, whereas the women I know who are leaving in their 50s typically want to be single.

@Thepeopleversuswork You talk a lot of well considered sense, and I love your username!

Romance and sex are powerful drivers towards men in our youth but as time wears on, it just fades.

It doesn’t have to though. But yes if you choose a man on the basis that you want children knowing that he is not ideal partner material, then somewhere down the line you will be counting the years until you can leave.

The menopause is undoubtedly a time when many women feel unhappy, more irritable, less tolerant, and a whole host of other things due to fluctuating hormones. But they still shouldn't need to stick a patch on to replicate the hormones of a younger woman in order to tolerate their husbands.
I'd be very surprised indeed if women went as far as to leave wonderful husbands and happy marriages solely due to hormonal changes. I mean, we dont see it in other areas of womens lives, do we? There's no trend to tell their boss where to stick the great job they love, or cut off all contact with friends for no reason at all.
The whole idea smacks very much of 'its her time of the month', that age old way to dismiss women's justifiable frustration or unhappiness with male behaviour by blaming her hormones. It's a gift to men who don't want to acknowledge they have any part in their wife's unhappiness.

I think a lot of women when they're younger feel quite starry eyed about men and their relationships. They usually want a husband and a family...it's seen as the ideal. It's hormones. Then when they have children they want to keep their family together, they need the other person for practical reasons.

Agreed and I haven't heard her complaining about Jamie having another child. Louise is doing just fine!!

Nope. You absolutely do see women leaving their jobs. You also see women taking their lives. I'd say that was pretty all encompassing don't you? There is a massive spike in suicide in women between the ages of 40-60. Hormones are way more impactful than I think you realise.

@5128gap

news.sky.com/story/mental-health-services-failing-to-consider-impact-of-menopause-putting-women-at-risk-of-suicide-12840229

www.itv.com/news/2021-11-16/suicide-rates-in-women-of-menopausal-age-rise

And no. Not all these women had shit husbands.

The sooner we acknowledge the devastating effects menopause can bring the sooner we can find solutions. If people blame it on other factors like a shit husband we won't get anywhere v

I'm well aware of the power of hormones. However I am also aware of the way hormones are weaponised against women in the way I described. While increased awareness of the impact of menopause is a good thing, as with most women's issues it's a double edged sword. The middle aged woman who is overworked in her job, juggling multiple responsibilities and with an inadequate husband being told its her body not her circumstances that are letting her down, so medicate and get on with it, is as unhelpful as ignoring the impact of menopause altogether. There is very little evidence that menopause is the sole cause of women leaving jobs, marriages and taking their own lives, rather than an aggravating factor that pushes already struggling or unhappily married women over the edge.

But this is the thing - i think that once the scales have fallen from your eyes about the man you're with, you don't really want to date men in their 30s - or 40s, or 50s. Not any of them. Because they all come with the fundamental design flaw of male privilege, which may be latent or full blown but will feed into your interactions with them at some point.

Sex? Most women are better at sorting themselves out that a man will ever be. Plus, for some women, it just ceases to be an area of interest, at least for a while, during menopause.

Companionship? Women are far better than men, on the whole, at meeting, making and maintaining friendships. Women are most often better conversationalists because they don't just broadcast and are capable of listening to others, learning and adding relevant remarks, rather than just impatiently waiting for their moment to speak their brains. A woman with a good circle of female friends won't be lonely, with or without a man. And not having their socialising inhibited by the needs of a man will allow them to nurture their friendships more.

Money? This is the kicker for a lot of women; which is why all women should maintain their earning potential, as both safety net and freedom to make choices. And to have a happiness-focused rather than status-focused outlook. I for one would be happy with very little, as long as I could pay my bills and had a safe roof over my head.

I think the majority of hetero relationships I see, the guy is getting much more out of it than the girl. And this is backed up by the research that shows Married men are happier than married women, and unmarried women are happier than unmarried men. Divorced men and married women have the highest rates of suicide. That should tell you something about the 'balance' that exists in most hetero relationships!

Another thing is the difference when men and women are widowed. I have seen in my own family and amongst friends, when women are widowed, after the initial grief and sadness, they end up thriving. Whereas the men I've seen widowed go to absolute pieces unless they find another partner

Another thing is the difference when men and women are widowed. I have seen in my own family and amongst friends, when women are widowed, after the initial grief and sadness, they end up thriving. Whereas the men I've seen widowed go to absolute pieces unless they find another partner.

This was precisely the situation with my Dad and SM, @Comedycook.

My SM had been widowed for several years and was fine when she met my Dad. Plenty of friends and activities, etc. Dad lost my Mum and basically fell apart until he met my SM two years later. She sorted him out!
He genuinely couldn't/wouldn’t manage without a woman.

If something happens to my DH, I’m not taking on another man though, it’s too much like hard work. 😂

I know quite a few long marriages that have ended in their 50s. I wouldn't say it's predominantly the women leaving though.

I'm just Divorcing (almost there, though it looks as though my lawyers have been professionally negligent so more shit to go through before I'm free)

23 years of someone who has failed to cope so I HAD to once the kids came along. Both SN so it's taking far longer for semi independence than usual.

Even today he turned up & made a song a dance about his Uncle 'maybe having cancer'. Apparantly 'he had to tell me as otherwise I'd be upset to be excluded'. His family have not enquired after me for over a decade. My last parent & my dear friend of 35 years died last year of cancer. My other close friend has b/c.
I had a cancer scare last year. Not a mention. I am SO GLAD I'm nearly free!!!

I can almost smell my freedom. Yes, years of being the support system wears thin. Some men may be willing to re-evaluate & change. Mine wasn't. Bye-bye.

My late DM left in her late 50’s. That was in the mid 80’s.

I will leave in about 5/6 years when my youngest is through his GCSEs. I dont want to be apart from him for half the week or upset my other older kids lifestyle just yet. They have a levels etc to focus on and uni (He can contribute).

If they don't look after the relationship its like living with a flatmate. What's the point? Yes yes I've tried. He just doesn't care anymore. Once no more responsibilities to my children I'd prefer to live on my own. No reason to stay in a dead marriage. I'll be closer to 60 so won't be qlbe looking to start another relationship. Living alone is the goal

You may be right, it may be more even numbers of men and women ending long term marriages at 50+. But I'd speculate that in those relationships chances are the man has left purely for the ego boost of an OW or to 'find himself' whereas a woman ending a relationship in her 50s probably isn't leaving for an OM or to 'find herself'. She's leaving because she's looked at the state of her marriage and/or her partner and said "Nope, not living the rest of my life like this/with him". She doesn't want to find another man nor does she want to 'reinvent' herself into something 'new and shiny'. She just wants to live in peace.

I know someone who left as soon as the last child graduated from university. She knew her ex would mess her around and generally be more difficult over the kids and paying for uni so she waited then left once he had no way to control her after they'd divorced.

I agree. I think a lot of men in their fifties with a wife their own age, realise they may stand a chance of getting a woman in her thirties, especially if he's aging ok and has a decent career/solvent. They don't usually decide to leave unless they know they'll be someone waiting in the wings. They are even prepared to start a new family... although this is usually to keep the younger woman happy rather than because it's what's they really want. Unfortunately I imagine a fair few realise further down the line that younger women nowadays are much more inclined to expect a man to chip in with housework and childcare.

I'm 42...my kids are teenagers now. If we ever split up and I really hope that doesn't happen, I will never bother with another man. I just couldn't be arsed. In my twenties, if I was single, I'd be looking. But that's because I had an end goal in mind...man/kids/home. I no longer have that urge as I already have kids and don't want more.