Is there a trend of 50 year olds leaving long term partners?

[CantBelieveNaive]

Is this really a trend? I saw it on a female quotient post today and judging by my 50 year old friends who can afford it, they are leaving them instead of looking forward to. Retirement of waiting on them.
Am even considering myself!
Are you? 👑👢👢

I met DH when I was 28, been married 34 years and yes, I could see myself going on second date if I met him now. We’ve both changed and grown together, that’s how good marriages work.

That's what happened to Louise Redknapp. She ditched Jamie and then was surprised and aggrieved when he moved on with another woman and had another baby. Be careful what you wish for.

Louise Redknapp has a really hot, younger boyfriend. And she’s beautiful and rich.

I don’t think we need to be worrying about Louise Redknapp.

Because the grass isn't always greener, because women can be crap as well as men, and because men can start over much more easily than women. I know a number of men in their fifties who are dating women in their thirties. I know zero women in their fifties dating men in their thirties.

I didn't realise she had a younger boyfriend, she was moaning about being single for ages. Beautiful is subjective, I don't find her so but whatever. The point is, she felt she was hard done by and ditched her husband and then got a shock when he moved on. The same could happen to a woman who didn't have her resources.
ETA. I just googled her boyfriend, he is not 'hot'. He looks like a serial killer! A massive, massive downgrade from JR.

Yes, she has a 40 year-old hot CEO boyfriend (I think she’s 49?) and they ‘came out’ as official last year. I’d say she landed on her feet and isn’t really an example for the point some people are trying to make on this thread.

I left an abusive marriage of 20 years.

I face poverty because he spent all the money, was very financially controlling and generally an awful person.

My mental peace is incredible and priceless.

I couldn't give a stuff about 50 something men dating 30 year old women. Let them. Who cares?

I think men of my age (50) look awful and don't find them attractive one bit. 30 somethings are welcome to them.

And good for those who have happy marriages. It's great to hear but perhaps show a smidge of empathy for those who were in really places because of their exes.

I think men of my age (50) look awful and don't find them attractive one bit. 30 somethings are welcome to them.

Trust me, we don’t find them attractive either. Least of all the divorced ones with all the baggage. And you’re right, they do look awful in 99.9% of cases.

I feel the same but to be honest I don’t think my DH would give a shit if I did go. I’m invisible to him nowadays.

This is a great thread - also splitting with husband am 53 - definitely much less tolerant once menopause; we were having sex very infrequently, tried counselling made it worse in someway, and I realised I just didn't fancy him anymore. This took over 2 years and I agonised about it as he isn't a bad person. My aunt said i am sorry about the split and I thought I couldn't be happier.

Yes. There was a thread on relationships a while back about a woman who had an affair which she blamed on the menopause. Her husband ended the marriage. She was full of regrets and desperately wanted him back but he wouldn’t have her.

Maybe they had lived apart or been separated for years.

@MsLuxLisbon

I thought he cheated?

@Crushed23 I meant that they look better than Victor meldrew did at 60!! But yes- plenty don't!!

@KimberleyClark
That's nice for you but not really what the thread's about.

I take issue with, 'We’ve both changed and grown together, that’s how good marriages work'

My marriage has also been good on the whole, thanks. For over 20 years. It's just this bit that's turning out to be rather tricky...

What? And leave his enormous pension pot for another woman to get her sticky paws on after I've looked after him for the past 24 years? I think not.

I'm sure there's the odd outlier out there but the vast majority of women leaving long term relationships in middle age are doing so because the relationship is untenable.

They're not being fickle. They agonise over it, often for years. They've reached a point where the prospect of being alone, maybe forever (and possibly flat broke) is more appealing than staying.

Well they can't all be offensive looking as people on MN are always discussing their 50 something men having affairs and leaving for younger women.

I've got a few years til I'm 50 and sometimes I'm not sure if we'll last that long .

I don't think my hormones are wholly responsible for how I feel. Life is passing me by. I could do things differently on my own .

Ditched mine at 48 as soon as kids had finished important exams. He brought NOTHING to our relationship, and cost me so much.
Painful to go through the divorce process though-
But now I have my own house and a man who looks after me and is kind. It's a whole new world.

Haven’t RTFT, but I’ll turn 50 this year and I think it’s because many women of my age realize that in today’s era, we may still have another three-four decades ahead of us and we don’t want to spend them in a crappy relationship.

Plus, we’re far more economically independent than previous generations, aren’t we. We’ve got our own careers and pensions, we’re not reliant on our husband’s financial support in the way most women once were(there’s always exceptions, of course, my Mum’s career was more successful than my Dad’s).

Finally, if we’ve chosen to have children, they’re likely on the older side once we’re 50. My two are teenagers so we don’t have to worry about childcare. They have independent relationships with DH and could decide whom to live with, contact time, etc.

Luckily, DH and I still get on well so I have no reason to end things. Although wfh a lot does put a strain on our relationship sometimes (I moaned about that in another thread). 😂

What has this got to do with anything I've said?!

I thought she left JR because he was a serial cheater who had allegedly slept with a few high profile women.
She had given up her career to raise her kids and probably realised that there must be something better.
There were probably some regrets when she first left him, but she looks pretty loved up now.
JR is now re married with a new baby and step father to about six kids. I know whose position I would rather be in

It's a 'thing' here (US) called 'Silver Separation'. Some are mutual ('we stayed together for the kids') but most aren't. I wouldn't say it's only women initiating it, but I do think there are many more women than men who do it for 'incompatibility' reasons as opposed to the man turning his wife in for a younger model or to go off and 'find himself'.

Of the women I know it's been driven by the man or both of them approaching retirement age + the 'empty nest' (for those with kids). Those women look at the 'man in their life' and realize with the DC grown and gone when retirement comes that man will be around them and/or the house 24/7 and will have no other focus but the house and the yard, what and how she's doing things and why. The little things that drove them crazy about their husbands but were tolerable when they worked full time and only saw each other a few hours a day and the weekends loom large. And they realize that they don't want to deal with it and they certainly don't want 'work on the marriage'. They feel they've been working on it their entire marriage with no result. They are d.o.n.e, DONE. And in all the cases where the woman left for that reason, the man has been absolutely gobsmacked and 100% in denial of the reasons why.

I don't think it's menopause and it does a disservice to women to put the blame on 'hormones' or give them as a reason. Men have been doing that since time immemorial, we don't need to add to their validation of it being a woman's 'fault' because, you know, hormones. It's that women get tired of men's shit and realize, in their 50s, 60s, 70s, that there is more in their rearview mirrors than ahead of them on life's road and they want to enjoy the rest of the journey. And that has nothing to do with hormones or the menopause.

An equal phenomenon is the many women who have been in happy marriages who decide upon widowhood never to marry/cohabit again. The marriages have been good and their husbands kind and equal partners. There has been true love. But they realize that although the 'bonds' of matrimony were happy ones, there are distinct advantages to having no bonds at all.

@AcrossthePond55 Yes, if something happened to my DH, I couldn’t be bothered living with anyone again. I like my own space and I simply couldn’t be arsed! 🤣