Page 7 | Is there a trend of 50 year olds leaving long term partners?

CantBelieveNaive · 2024-04-18T19:55:01+00:00

Is this really a trend? I saw it on a female quotient post today and judging by my 50 year old friends who can afford it, they are leaving them instead of looking forward to. Retirement of waiting on them. Am even considering myself! Are you? 👑👢👢

Farahfawsett · 21/04/2024 15:25

@MsLuxLisbon you say "I know a number of men in their fifties who are dating women in their thirties. I know zero women in their fifties dating men in their thirties."

How are you so sure the 50-something women around you AREN'T dating men in their 30s?

I know several who are; myself included.

But do you know what we DON'T do? Publicise the fact.

Rightly or wrongly, people have opinions about women dating younger men and sometimes us menopausal women are fed up with other people's opinions and so we just quietly get on with our lives, have our fun and don't let the wider world know about it.

Men in their 50s however, seem to think the whole point of dating a younger woman is to show her off as if it makes the man more attractive and gives him higher status to have achieved such a thing.

Us secure older women don't need such ego trips, so we're quite possibly shagging a 30-something sexpot whilst you're sat next door none the wiser.

walnutcoffeecake · 21/04/2024 15:30

I think sometimes women blame perimenopause and menopause and periods on a lot of things when in fact they need to look at the way the act and their ways.
Some always want a man to change for them well he can try but he will always get it wrong.
If he was to ask he would be called abusive.
Ive seen women sound more abusive on MN than any other site when they get called out on it MN comes to their aid.

Lyxou · 21/04/2024 15:39

@BruFord Same!

BruFord · 21/04/2024 15:42

Us secure older women don't need such ego trips, so we're quite possibly shagging a 30-something sexpot whilst you're sat next door none the wiser.

@Farahfawsett 🤣🤣

In all honesty, if my DH left me for a 30-something, I’d be smug in the knowledge that I’ve had the best of him and she’s got decreasing virility and his dodgy prostate to look forward to (virility’s still Ok, but prostate’s already heading for trouble 😜).

Farahfawsett · 21/04/2024 15:58

@BruFord exactly. The 50yr old divorced men I know aren't a great catch (think absent fathers, won't contribute to housework, beer bellies, half the financial status they had in their 40s) and to keep the 30-somethings in their life they appease them with a baby.

Man ends up on second marriage with a 1yr old when he's 55, and people in the playground calling him 'Grandad' a few years later.

The 50yr old divorced women in my circle have no desire to settle down again but have strong friendships, love to socialise, travel, go to the gym and theatre and date.

Sometimes the men they date are a similar age, but they can be younger because there's such an abundance of them - men in their 30s & 40s who don't want a child or to "settle down" who also like to socialise, travel, go to the gym etc and like fun female company; everyone's a winner.

AnotherDayAnotherTorySleaze · 21/04/2024 16:11

Following with interest! Doing quite okay relationship-wise, but I’m more aware than I’d like to be of the moaning man syndrome… ! I think that without the financial positives there would be more stress in the day-to-day which would be tough.

Before anyone says - well don’t be so arrogant - I’ve already ditched an abusive gaslighting bully - so I’m aware things can be very very different.

BelindaOkra · 21/04/2024 16:30

I know women in 50s with 30 something male attention. Even women who look 50 something (and that is not meant as a bitchy comment - just that you don’t need to look 20 years younger).

Dweetfidilove · 21/04/2024 17:07

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/04/2024 15:24

But whilst these newly single women are apparently living their best life, there are many more single women/women who have left their man or had him leave her, who are very lonely, struggling with everything in life, and are on the bones of their arse, without a pot to piss in. Either scrabbling by with state benefits, or fighting for every last hour at work to get money in to pay the bills.

There's always a slight edge of defensiveness from these people who can't believe women can be happier single. There's a very palpable sense of "I don't have the balls to do it so I don't think you should either."

There's always a financial consideration involved in whether your stay or leave: of course there is, which is one of the reasons so many women stay. But it doesn't follow that because you will take a financial hit by leaving that you are going to be less happy. Many women leave despite the fact that they will be worse off because they are miserable. Many struggle financially for some time. I've yet to read a single post on here from a woman saying: "I left my boring/abusive/cheating/neglectful husband and now I desperately want him back."

Of course this isn't aimed at people whose marriages are working. A happy, supportive marriage is a gift. But it's not the women in happy, supportive marriages who crave freedom.

There's a reason that it tends to be women who instigate divorce, and the reason is that marriage generally suits men far more than it suits women. I've known many women whose marriages broke down in early middle age (including me) and without a single exception they are happier single.

Exactly! I was reading that post thinking- great - then it descended into the defensive you mention 🤦🏾‍♀️.

If women are happily single and thriving, why can’t folks just be happy for them? Even if they’re poorer in pocket. I’m sure women don’t ordinarily jump out of their comfortable, fulfilling marriage into hardship without much thought.

SabreIsMyFave · 21/04/2024 17:37

inkpens · 21/04/2024 11:49

I can't understand why someone would come on a thread where women are happy about leaving awful husbands, to post about how amazing their Nigel is and how said women who left will be mostly lonely, sad and destitute. OK, I believe you, sis 👍

I left an abusive 20+ year marriage, completely fuelled by menopausal rage. I am grateful every single day for my new found peace.

You don't get to police what people post. The OP did not post the thread and say 'only women who detest every fibre of their husband, have loathed him for 20-30 years or more, and are planning on leaving him when their youngest child leaves home should post on here.'

They said 'is there a trend of 50 year old leaving long term partners?' and asked if anyone else was planning to leave theirs. I am not, and neither are a number of other women on here, and we said so.

Your sneery and sarcastic 'Not my Nigel' comments are completely unnecessary and rude. Women who have had happy marriages, and have no intention of leaving their husband, are as entitled to post on here as you are. As I said, stop policing the thread.

CanadianJohn · 21/04/2024 17:50

I'm pretty sure it is generally agreed that women put more into marriage than men, and the reciprocal of that is that men gain more from marriage than women.

Myself, I think men need women. Not just for sex, but also for love, affection, companionship, children, home, all the soft warm fuzzies that make for a happy life.

There is a poem (Carl Sandburg, I think), something like "give me hunger, shame, failure, but leave me a little love". I'll look it up, when I've got a minute.

IcedPurple · 21/04/2024 17:55

I couldn't give a stuff about 50 something men dating 30 year old women. Let them. Who cares?

I think men of my age (50) look awful and don't find them attractive one bit. 30 somethings are welcome to them.

Yes! In reality I don't think middle aged divorced men are dating much younger women nearly as often as they'd like to think. Young women don't want balding old men who can only see them on the weekends they don't have the kids and are living in a small flat because the wife and children got the house.

But yes, if young women want these blokes, they are welcome to them. Men in their 50s are hardly some great gift. I'm that age myself and can't think of the last time I saw an attractive man of that vintage. Whereas I see attractive, stylish women in that age group every day.

Coldupnorth87 · 21/04/2024 18:06

It's a good thread as even with a decent bloke, this is a challenging time! Really good to hear I'm not alone.

Howsoon23 · 21/04/2024 18:23

CanadianJohn · 21/04/2024 17:50

I'm pretty sure it is generally agreed that women put more into marriage than men, and the reciprocal of that is that men gain more from marriage than women.

Myself, I think men need women. Not just for sex, but also for love, affection, companionship, children, home, all the soft warm fuzzies that make for a happy life.

There is a poem (Carl Sandburg, I think), something like "give me hunger, shame, failure, but leave me a little love". I'll look it up, when I've got a minute.

I am constantly amazed at the lengths many men will go to to stay married - even when the marriage is clearly on the rocks

burnttoad · 21/04/2024 18:24

@Thepeopleversuswork

Of course this isn't aimed at people whose marriages are working. A happy, supportive marriage is a gift. But it's not the women in happy, supportive marriages who crave freedom.
I disagree. During perimenopause I was desperate for freedom. All I wanted was to escape to a cave on a deserted island. This is SO common during menopause. Nothing to do with my DH. He is the most loving, supportive and caring man I know. It was all on me or my hormones. HRT and I'm back to being happy.

Bewareofthisonetoo · 21/04/2024 20:02

This hormone thing is really tiresome. Not all of us have it! I sailed through the menopause as many do. But -awful relationship - timing worked to leave.

Thepeopleversuswork · 21/04/2024 20:21

@burnttoad

I disagree. During perimenopause I was desperate for freedom. All I wanted was to escape to a cave on a deserted island. This is SO common during menopause. Nothing to do with my DH. He is the most loving, supportive and caring man I know. It was all on me or my hormones. HRT and I'm back to being happy.

Call me cynical but I would argue that menopause actually allows women to see men with clear eyes for the first time because the cloud created by the sex hormones lifts.

Don’t get me wrong I take HRT and I’m not going to leave my partner (any time soon anyway), but I think a dose of cold hard reality is good for women.

Marriage is a huge confidence trick on us and most of us do far better outside marriage. It just takes for the drugs to wear off for us to see it.

Comedycook · 21/04/2024 20:24

I reckon that when couples get to this age, often the kids are teens/young adults. They are still giving their parents some stresses. The couple will still be working full time usually. There maybe elderly parents needing help. The woman may be going through the menopause. The woman has also probably had a gutfull of domestic drudgery after usually decades of it

It's a perfect storm really

BruFord · 21/04/2024 20:33

During perimenopause I was desperate for freedom. All I wanted was to escape to a cave on a deserted island.

@burnttoad I can relate to that feeling. I love escaping to walk the dog alone or I sometimes hide in our basement to fold clean clothes and listen to an audio book, I.e., block out everyone’s chatter! 😂

burnttoad · 21/04/2024 20:38

Thepeopleversuswork · 21/04/2024 20:21

@burnttoad

I disagree. During perimenopause I was desperate for freedom. All I wanted was to escape to a cave on a deserted island. This is SO common during menopause. Nothing to do with my DH. He is the most loving, supportive and caring man I know. It was all on me or my hormones. HRT and I'm back to being happy.

Call me cynical but I would argue that menopause actually allows women to see men with clear eyes for the first time because the cloud created by the sex hormones lifts.

Don’t get me wrong I take HRT and I’m not going to leave my partner (any time soon anyway), but I think a dose of cold hard reality is good for women.

Marriage is a huge confidence trick on us and most of us do far better outside marriage. It just takes for the drugs to wear off for us to see it.

No really I don't think it is just this. It's similar to puberty. Some of us literally lose our heads. I went close to crazy and desperately wanted to get away from everything. I think it's really important that women realise this can happen. It needs to be understood that menopause can have devastating effects that are not related to work or your partner or your dc but are simply hormonal swings sometimes into madness.
It has always been this way but not spoken of. Making rash decisions during this time can have long term devastating results

Thepeopleversuswork · 21/04/2024 20:56

@burnttoad

No really I don't think it is just this. It's similar to puberty. Some of us literally lose our heads. I went close to crazy and desperately wanted to get away from everything. I think it's really important that women realise this can happen. It needs to be understood that menopause can have devastating effects that are not related to work or your partner or your dc but are simply hormonal swings sometimes into madness.
It has always been this way but not spoken of. Making rash decisions during this time can have long term devastating results

I don’t disagree with this. But I don’t think this is the whole story and I don’t think that contradicts the fact that some of the feelings women have about their partners at this time of life are about more than hormones.

Yes hormones play a big part in this. But there are other factors which are just as important. Women have usually done most of the really labour intensive part of parenting by this age. They are likely to have made some of their own money. They have developed confidence in their abilities and have ceased to care about the way society sees them. They have more time and are more inclined to think for themselves.

Many of us come through the really heavy lifting part of marriage and child rearing and realise our partners can’t fulfill the needs we have. Men are so geared to seeing women as helpmeets in the parenting journey a lot of them really struggle to understand that we need more from them at this time of life and they often just don’t have the capacity to give us this.

They tend to become insular, small minded and dull in their habits just as women become more outward looking. They have essentially served their purpose (biological, emotional, financial and physical) and bring very little to the table. Not always but more often than not in my experience.

There is just very little point to men after menopause.

burnttoad · 21/04/2024 21:01

Thepeopleversuswork · 21/04/2024 20:56

@burnttoad

No really I don't think it is just this. It's similar to puberty. Some of us literally lose our heads. I went close to crazy and desperately wanted to get away from everything. I think it's really important that women realise this can happen. It needs to be understood that menopause can have devastating effects that are not related to work or your partner or your dc but are simply hormonal swings sometimes into madness.
It has always been this way but not spoken of. Making rash decisions during this time can have long term devastating results

I don’t disagree with this. But I don’t think this is the whole story and I don’t think that contradicts the fact that some of the feelings women have about their partners at this time of life are about more than hormones.

Yes hormones play a big part in this. But there are other factors which are just as important. Women have usually done most of the really labour intensive part of parenting by this age. They are likely to have made some of their own money. They have developed confidence in their abilities and have ceased to care about the way society sees them. They have more time and are more inclined to think for themselves.

Many of us come through the really heavy lifting part of marriage and child rearing and realise our partners can’t fulfill the needs we have. Men are so geared to seeing women as helpmeets in the parenting journey a lot of them really struggle to understand that we need more from them at this time of life and they often just don’t have the capacity to give us this.

They tend to become insular, small minded and dull in their habits just as women become more outward looking. They have essentially served their purpose (biological, emotional, financial and physical) and bring very little to the table. Not always but more often than not in my experience.

There is just very little point to men after menopause.

This is such a male hating comment. Of course there are terrible men out there just as there are terrible women.
There are men who feel the intense pressures for providing, who are amazing fathers and husbands. Stating some wildly negative narrative that men are pointless after menopause is just misandrist clap trap
Many of us adore our male partners who care for and shower us with love daily. My dh for one is a far kinder, more loving and tolerant individual than I am and his capacity to take on more and more stress at times I have struggled is unbelievable
Are there useless men? Yes. Are all men pointless after menopause. Ugh. Stop it

inkpens · 21/04/2024 21:29

SabreIsMyFave · 21/04/2024 17:37

You don't get to police what people post. The OP did not post the thread and say 'only women who detest every fibre of their husband, have loathed him for 20-30 years or more, and are planning on leaving him when their youngest child leaves home should post on here.'

They said 'is there a trend of 50 year old leaving long term partners?' and asked if anyone else was planning to leave theirs. I am not, and neither are a number of other women on here, and we said so.

Your sneery and sarcastic 'Not my Nigel' comments are completely unnecessary and rude. Women who have had happy marriages, and have no intention of leaving their husband, are as entitled to post on here as you are. As I said, stop policing the thread.

Edited

Show quote history

Your post would have made sense if I'd said the poster shouldn't post here 😴

SabreIsMyFave · 21/04/2024 21:40

inkpens · 21/04/2024 21:29

Your post would have made sense if I'd said the poster shouldn't post here 😴

Show quote history

Well you kinda did.

You said (at 11.49 today)

I can't understand why someone would come on a thread where women are happy about leaving awful husbands, to post about how amazing their Nigel is

Basically saying why the F are the women who are happily married - (and don't hate their husbands and want to leave them,) posting on here?

Answer for you (because you seem to have comprehension issues...)

1) Because the OP asked if anyone was planning on leaving their long term partner in their 50s or not (as quite a number of people seem to be doing so.)

2) Because we want to.

3) Because we have as much right to as you do to post on this thread!

HTH!

inkpens · 21/04/2024 22:39

SabreIsMyFave · 21/04/2024 21:40

Well you kinda did.

You said (at 11.49 today)

I can't understand why someone would come on a thread where women are happy about leaving awful husbands, to post about how amazing their Nigel is

Basically saying why the F are the women who are happily married - (and don't hate their husbands and want to leave them,) posting on here?

Answer for you (because you seem to have comprehension issues...)

1) Because the OP asked if anyone was planning on leaving their long term partner in their 50s or not (as quite a number of people seem to be doing so.)

2) Because we want to.

3) Because we have as much right to as you do to post on this thread!

HTH!

Show quote history

Comprehension isn't your strong point, clearly. I said it's suspicious they were posting about how amazing their dear Nigels are. Not that they shouldn't be posting at all.

BelindaOkra · 21/04/2024 22:41

I’m confused about the menopause really. I am finding it relatively easy physically (too hot, knees hurt) & mentally - I seem to have lost fear rather than increased anxiety - I know I am lucky. But it has given me a bit of a feeling of wanting to rage against the dying of the light. Maybe a big stark reminder or mortality. I want to do everything. I also want to be alone & have no-one want anything of me.

I can see how that could easily lead to marriage breakdown. Luckily Dh isn’t remotely controlling and lets me get on with my own things.