Is there a trend of 50 year olds leaving long term partners?

[CantBelieveNaive]

Is this really a trend? I saw it on a female quotient post today and judging by my 50 year old friends who can afford it, they are leaving them instead of looking forward to. Retirement of waiting on them.
Am even considering myself!
Are you? 👑👢👢

It's a restless age. But 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce.

That's exactly what my waste of space father did. I was nine when he waltzed off to live with his latest affair. Mum and he would have been in their early forties. I'm sixty now. Nothing new under the sun.

Actually kind of looking forward to some empty nest time with my DH.

have definitely seen plenty of people splitting their children leave though.

I just can’t do it now, the kids would definitely be worse off, and I need time to get things sorted.

I’m 52 now and all I wanted for my 50th birthday was a divorce. I just couldn’t be doing with his shit any more.

Luckily, evidence of his cheating dropped into my lap 6 weeks later.

Even though I am poorer, I am so so much happier. I have had more joy already in my fifties than I had throughout my forties. (Even including the nasty divorce!)

He says he is happy too, but the nasty emails he sends suggest that maybe he isn’t. Not that I care either way😂

I split with my husband at 50 when he had a short lived affair and can honestly say I'm living my best life. Yes, I'm poorer financially but I have peace. For the first time since I was 18 I am not in a relationship and do not have caring responsibilities. I don't ever see myself being in a relationship again.

Omg I’m 43 and probably about to start going through all this. My hair is thinning I cant sleep etc…. What’s all this about rage ? 😭 had no idea this is a side effect?

It’s not a new thing, couples finding they no longer have anything in common once the children have left home, it’s just they are more likely to divorce now.

I'm seeing several of my friends reviewing their relationships at present. All women who are recently 50, or a little older.
From their side (at least, what they tell me), they've been carrying everyone for years. Although their partners may have been contributing financially, it seems they have done little else, and from my own observations, I can believe it.
Lockdown seems to have widened some rifts and allowed seeds of unpleasantness to grow; one partner got into watching people like the vile A. Tate and has started taking on board those attitudes.

Here’s another one, but left in my 40s after 20+ years of mostly bad marriage and two kids who were getting ready to fly the nest. Best thing I have ever done. I’m actually financially better off to because my ex was financially abusive and kept all the money for himself when we were married. The relief of having found the courage to leave has been probably the biggest rush of my life.

I did. Best thing I ever did. 4 of my friends have too.

What a brilliant thread to read this sunny morning! I am pressing the button on my divorce (I'm 50, together 29 years) today. Been unhappy for years knowing that I would be so much better off with him (yes, albatross a great word) so when his work affair blew up I had no excuses for sticking it out any more. Threads like this give me a rocket boost of energy for it, so thank you!

I jettisoned my useless jerk ex when I was 40, and even then I'd waited 15 years to be able to do it.

I agree with someone above who said that it's not new for women (and men, I suppose) to want to split with their useless partners, but years ago it wasn't the done thing to split up, so people had to stay whether they wanted to or not.

And I'm another one.. left at 50 with two teens. I just couldn't stand the sight of him anymore! I'd hidden his lies for 4 years after discovering his double life whilst he was working abroad, it nearly killed me. He couldn't fathom why I was unable to get past it - he'd chosen me apparently! 🙄 we left with nothing, I've built up a new life, home and the kids are happy. He's a walking heart attack waiting to happen and I'm delighted I won't be the one nursing him. I'd say the menopause was certainly a factor, I hit a wall and my state of mind completely changed from trying to keep the family together to fuck this shit. He says I'm angry all the time - only at him and quite justifiably. Ironically many of my female acquaintances have done the same - most hidden affairs the ExH had years before. All of us doing very well.. quite enlightening.

And another.. honestly-it will be the best thing you've ever done! I wish you the best of luck.

Same here. Been together over 30 years, both early 50s - 2 grown daughters left home. Yeah it's not been a breeze for the 30 years we've been together, but there have been many more good times than bad. We have been through several difficult patches for various reasons, including finances, and deaths of parents etc, but come through the other side, and now have the best marriage! Do lots of things together, laugh together, travel together, go for meals and day trips together. Been very happy for many years now, and financially secure/solvent for about 11-12 years. Mortgage free.

Yes he can get on my nerves now and again, and I on his. No-one is perfect and no marriage is perfect, but I wouldn't want to be without him, and like a few others on this thread, I look forward to growing old with him, and meeting new grandchildren, and having the best life. And it's nice to have someone to share the financial and mental load with, and life's trials and tribulations.

I don't think this is a 'brilliant thread' as a pp said, I think it's desperately sad. Sad that so many women are just sticking with a man they hate, and have seemingly hated for many years, with this countdown to when they can leave. We are not in the middle of the 20th century - you don't have to stick with a man who you are not happy with anymore. Why have these women not left YEARS ago if they have been so unhappy, and hated their husband so much for so long?

And don't under-estimate how hard it is being alone. Women on here champion being alone and how wonderful it is, and how they have the remote control to the tv to themselves, and the bed to themselves etc. (shocker: me and DH have a remote control each, AND have separate beds and separate rooms.. Have had separate rooms for 12 years. LOVE it!)

But whilst these newly single women are apparently living their best life, there are many more single women/women who have left their man or had him leave her, who are very lonely, struggling with everything in life, and are on the bones of their arse, without a pot to piss in. Either scrabbling by with state benefits, or fighting for every last hour at work to get money in to pay the bills.

Being with DH gives me security, comfort, happiness, and financial security. We don't go without anything, we manage to save multiple 100s of £££ every month, and we have a nice big savings pot should we lose our jobs. You can ask what if he leaves YOU, but that is very unlikely to happen. He knows which side his bread is buttered. 😁

tl;dr I have no intention of leaving my husband.

And before anyone decides to bash me/call me smug etc; I am entitled to post my views and opinions - just like everyone else is.

!

Our difficult time relationship wise was when the DC were children which I definitely think was peri menopause related. I had such murderous rage so often.

Thankfully, that passed and now the DC are young adults and looking to move out for uni/work etc, DH and I are happy and looking forward to the next chapter together.

But lots of my friends are saying their relationship may not last the year (we are all in our fifties).

I know a couple of women who felt like this. Their DHs were pretty nice men but menopause just made the women pissed off about everything. Even how the men ate and breathed.

The men found new partners in the end and seem happy. The women have some regrets now. They feel menopause made them a bit crazy and had they ridden through it they may have got through to the other side happy with their DHs. They feel like menopause just made them hate everything about their DHs even though the stuff was just normal stuff. They now feel like it's unlikely they'll ever meet anyone and they would like to find a partner.

God, this thread has struck a chord.

I'm 47 and peri. Been with DH for over 20 years.

It's been a good marriage on the whole. We've had some fantastic times, raised amazing kids and are comfortable financially.

But I can't shake the 'Is this it?' feeling. Kids are at uni or about to be. I sometimes look at DH and realise we are so very different.

I've changed, he hasn't. We are such different people. He's happy to just stagnate on the sofa watching films for the next 30 years.

The thought of that being my future makes me want to scream . I have one parent left who has a life-limiting illness and I genuinely think that I'll be reconsidering my life once they have passed.

Has anyone left a marriage that, while wasn't bad by any means, just wasn't great anymore?

@burnttoad amusing.. don't tell me, the nice men found 30 yr olds who found them incredibly attractive 😆 and the menopausal ladies lived sad lonely lives. 🙄

Yep this. ^ I do know a number women who left their DH/long term partner, and bitterly regretted it. As I said earlier, the face of separation/divorce was not as attractive as they had pictured it. They struggle financially, and are terribly lonely, and struggle with everything in life.

The life of a high-living single woman, living in a swanky City apartment, doing a degree at 50, enjoying a flourishing professional career that pays £100K a year+, socialising with a dozen friends every weekend, and with 3 or 4 handsome younger men chasing after her, is a pipedream.

Despite this being peddled on Mumsnet as a scenario that could well happen if you leave your DH in middle age, (45-50+,) it is very unlikely to happen. You are much more likely to be living on the bones of your arse, working all the hours God sends - in a shitty, low-paid job, and sitting on your own night after night with a pot noodle, in your cold, dark, damp, little private-let flat.

I can't see anywhere in @burnttoad 's thread where she said the aged 50+ men found year 30 year old women. You made that bit up.

No the new women weren't particularly young. One I think is a little younger but like 5 years. The other one I have no idea. They all look the same sort of age.

I'm not sure sad lonely life is quite how I would have described them. One is a bit bitter but she always was if I'm honest. The other one just feels in her heart that she tossed her dh away when the problem wasn't him. It was the menopause that was making her unhappy. Not him.
They both feel that menopause made them hate everything about their dh rather than the DHs being at fault.

I find this thread a bit sad too. I got the rage in menopause but it wasn’t particularly aimed at my husband,though he did have a lot to put up with with my moods. We never had children, it’s only ever been just the two of us, perhaps that helped. Some couples do seem to lose sight of what brought them together after the children have grown up and left home. I hear many women saying they dread the retirement years with their DH.