Is there a trend of 50 year olds leaving long term partners?

[CantBelieveNaive]

Is this really a trend? I saw it on a female quotient post today and judging by my 50 year old friends who can afford it, they are leaving them instead of looking forward to. Retirement of waiting on them.
Am even considering myself!
Are you? 👑👢👢

It is a pipe dream. We might be able to make people look younger, but bodies wear out. And many of those who do live older would have dementia. The rates of dementia in over 90 year olds is 35%.

@yawnanotherone
@SabreIsMyFave

I would be very careful about posting about your great marriage etc- I once did that on mumsnet- married 20 years at that point- only to find out the very next year totally by chance that he hadn't quite been the loyal devoted husband I thought he was 10 years before - and indeed other aspects came to light I had no idea on when I then went through my period of acting like 007 - like a chronic daily porn habit etc- this was a guy (we are still married by the way) who I would have said adored me, best friend, been thru tough times, not 'a lad ' etc- So these days I'm a lot more blase about people who think shit won't happen and 'not my Nigel' it may not, but it might- also whilst for every women who may regret leaving and struggles (and yes there will be some) there are 2 others getting by ok and having a whole new but different life-

Did it pass? Are you still together?

I am 50 next week. I dream of winning the lottery and being able to buy myself a gorgeous small and cosy cottage and living a negotiation free life. Every fucking thing is a negotiation - it feels like we have to have a tennis match about everything - he has ADHD and is grossly indecisive.

I must be menopausal or going mad, because I would merrily fuck off and not look back. My DH is a good man and partner. We have been together for 33 years. I have been really unhappy and confused by the involuntary rage I have been feeling towards him and if I am honest all of the men in my life (brother, Dad). This thread is sooooooooo well timed.

If he yawns that Darth Vader style yawn one more time, or dithers about a decision - I may not be able to resist killing him. Poor bloke - literally everything he does make me feel murderous. I don't like myself for being a first class bitch.

Yes, it is right around that age where I suddenly detested him and had the rage. I think there was just so much to build up over the decades, and I couldn't take it anymore.

So I haven't seen his ugly whinging mug in over 4 years, and I couldn't be happier.

And no, I'm not living in dire poverty on the street begging with the tin cup either. I was the higher earner in the marriage by far.

55 and I separated from my husband last year, at his instigation.

My life is honestly pretty amazing right now.

I have a wonderful new partner who is everything I could have ever wished for. I joke that the Acme Boyfriend Factory got my order just right. We have no plans to live together as I relish my independence, but that may change in the future.

Exactly. Why would anyone leave a perfectly well-earning partner while they're trying to raise children and still need that partner's money, instead of waiting until after they've served their purpose?

Did the feeling pass?

I'm 47 and we are discussing divorce. It's always been a difficult marriage because of his behaviour. Now the children are older I feel leaving is a real possibility. Peri menopause has made me pretty angry and I basically only feel happy at home when he's out.

With about 50% of marriages ending in divorce, I wonder if the traditional vow "till death do us part" will change to some sort of contract "for 20 years" or "until our youngest is 18".

'Until the veneer wears off and you turn into a cunt' would've worked in my situation!

I got fed-up with him. I'm 46. He's 50.

I'm not surprised by this 'trend', it sounds logical and understandable.

I don't think it's just menopaus that is making you feel rage towards the men in your life, I think you are just having a realisation that they aren't as great as you previously thought. It's true that menopaus can cause aggression/anger etc but it's a general feeling, not one that is directed only towards men so if you don't have similar feelings towards the women in your life then it's something else than just menopaus. Since I left my ex husband and had my apiphany my feelings towards my dad has changed too and I see him more through my mum's eyes (she left him in her 40s). I have realised that my bar for men has been so low throughout my life and it's like I can now see men for who they are and there are a few great ones but a lot of shit ones.

I think you've taken a wrong turn. Misogynist Anonymous is just down the corridor...

I've seen a couple of men i know massively overplay their hand, with their wives/partners as support humans, nannies and domestic skivvies that should be grateful to live with such a prize.

They're very shocked to realise that they are not such a prize after all. Zero reflection on their treatment of the women in their lives.

I’d kill for just a week of that!

58 next month and I’m very happy with can honestly say I’d rather get a dog. I’ve done the married , living with someone and it made me very unhappy. Live your life the way you want to it’s way to short.

Similar here, tho in my case wanted to leave age 53 but had an unstable job then so intended to leave when youngest child went to uni, then covid struck but did leave age 60 three years ago and never been happier. Going thru toxic divorce now but delighted to have another (at least) ten years of fun. I now work full time as a teacher (trained aged 53😁) but have masses more energy than colleagues 10 younger still in their miserable marriages.
I have a boyfriend (hate the word partner!!) but will not cohabit or marry agsin.
exdh is being leeched by a gold-digger, the poor sucker, tho’ she will surely earn her living by her ‘caring’ for him in his impending old age and infirmity.

I had a hysterectomy and went into surgical menopause 5 years ago. Have been on estrogen since. But I’m definitely at peak menopause now. My dh has been great in many ways but very very set in his ways and with emotional limitations. I have chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and chronic pain. It took him years to really come to terms with this and be the support I really needed.

And the same has happened again more recently. This time with dd, who now almost 16 developed an eating disorder several months ago and went over the edge just over a month ago. He hasn’t known how to handle it at all and dd has been horrible, hateful to me. It’s put me back emotionally in a place, where I felt so helpless and alone in the earlier years of my illness. Back then I was so ill I couldn’t look after dd. Now it’s about keeping dd on an even keel (she’s eating and drinking again but it’s limited), out of hospital and able to do her GCSE’s which are terribly important to her.

It’s not deliberate. But it does put an awful strain on me. He’s likely on the spectrum, as in presents autistic, which I knew nothing about when we got together 30 years ago.

I’ve started therapy so that I can be there for my dd including being there for her as a sort of at home ED team, therapist and all (which right now is the best course of action due to her medical condition, which sent her over the edge). I’m working through the rage I’ve been feeling since hitting the peak of menopause, which has definitely gone up a notch since dd developed the ED. Even after 2 sessions I’m feeling a lot calmer about him. And with having dd blaming me when it’s not my fault, I realise I’ve been blaming him when it’s not his, which is an interesting perspective.

I know he’s a good man and I will get through this. He isn’t the sort to be unfaithful or walk away, he works in a good job and is super reliable and attentive in so many ways. We are never going to have the lovey dovey convos that many people have like in the rom coms. That isn’t the way his mind works and having been love bombed at a very young age and terribly hurt, I think I naturally went for someone, who can’t / doesn’t do this.

All in all if I can crack this one I think we will bumble along just fine into old age, because the positives and steadfastness of the love he gives to me. Perhaps not always what I think I need. But I am a strong personality and I’d eat many men for breakfast. Plus can anyone really ever be everything the other person needs (or think they need)?

I’m in my 50’s and only with him as I’m too scared to be alone, particularly with prices rising. I really wish he’d piss off.

I was going to wait until I was 50, but I'm so glad I didn't. I bailed out at 35. If I'd waited until the kids were "old enough " , I'd have wasted 15 more years of my life.

Wish I had been brave enough! I should have left when DS1 was a baby and I realise now that I could have made a good life for us both, although I wouldn’t have had DS2..

I have zero desire to be part of what men are now calling a "nurse with a purse".

I would say it’s down to the children flying the nest/ becoming adults.
Less reason to tolerate an unhappy set up etc