Rude or polite

[Dullardmullard]

I told him no

context is
a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

no meant I wasn’t interested
no meant no

I stand by my no, but some friends/colleagues said I was rude and I don’t think I was.

ive said not interested in the past and got abused verbally.

I normally have my headphones in but I forgot them this morning

I don’t know that just from “excuse me”. The OP gave far more information than that, though she was very brief.

I'm astonished the op thinks in some context she was polite!

But then, rudeness seems to be a trait with her...

I think the people telling you you were rude are the ones who get themselves in a muddle trying to be kind to strange men.

I never get myself in a muddle trying to be kind to strange men. But I'm not rude to them either.

Like I said up thread.... there's a spectrum of more appropriate responses in between.

Even your posts are rude.
But you don’t want to hear it.
Do you just walk around assuming every man wants you? I’m embarrassed for you 😂

I think the people telling you you were rude are the ones who get themselves in a muddle trying to be kind to strange men.

Erm no.
I don't respond rudely to excuse me with a plain no. It isn't normal behaviour.

Anyone else finding that MN gets weirder each day ? Time for me to step off 'active threads' I think .

The fact he came back and said you could have said you weren't interested, shows that he wasn't going to just ask about buses or the time or other non-personal interactions.
So it sounds like you sensed his intentions accurately.

It is indeed. I keep reading on MN that 'No is a complete sentence', then see countless posters here vehemently objecting to the Op's 'no'. Because boo hoo random man's feelings may have been hurt.

Exactly.

What, we all start barking ‘no’ every time a stranger dares to speak to us? We always assume the worst of others, especially if they are a… shock horror… man?

No ta, I’d rather not live in that world.

But how did she know from "excuse me" that he wanted to get his leg over?

And do random men approach random women at bus stops in the middle of the day for this purpose?

These weirdos on here gassing up the OP and telling her to bark NO to every stranger she comes across are f loopy. How are you telling someone that this type of behaviour is totally ok? Is that the kind of stuff you do yourself??? And then you wonder why people would be offended? A polite no is not difficult and I'm sure 99% of people would absolutely back off straight away.

If someone harasses you then YES!! Tell them to fuck off! Call the police! Kick a stink! These assumptions from some of these posters that the guy is a creep or an attention starved abusive maniac are actually mind boggling. We don't know that!!!

But what we do know is the OP is rude!! Such a minor thing happened she ran to tell her work colleagues AND friends AND then Mumsnet and is then unable to comprehend how people would say it's rude!! The OP is rude and the rest of you are bat shit crazy!!!

Yes. Yes they do! Random men approach women at bus stops, in supermarkets, on trains. Etc etc Because many of them believe we are only there to support them, entertain them, provide conversation and company. This happens to me all the time - and no I am not a stunning model. In fact I was recently walking in the park with a very elderly female relative and we were both approached by random men wanting attention.

I am really disappointed by the number of pps who think it’s rude to reject uninvited attention. Whatever happened to stranger danger?

Why on earth not?

Well, you’ve been rude repeatedly in this thread where you’ve actually asked people’s opinions so I’m gunna go out on a limb and guess your colleagues were right. And that you’re normally rude to people so no longer notice.

Really?

I was attacked in the street once. It was a man who helped me and made sure I got to hospital safely.

Oh, and my attacker? Another woman.

The man hate here is so, so tiresome.

I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

OP was right to assume he wanted her "interest", so she was right to bat him off. Doesn't matter whether her choice of words meets with his approval or not.

Same.

Going by your somewhat confrontational responses on here, your friends and colleagues are probably right.

What an odd thing to say?

You don't think men are capable of kindess, being helpful or altruistic? That's not the world I live in.

Quite an extreme attitude to have.

@Akamai

OP, ignore the people telling you to be kind.

You don't have to "be kind", but you also don't have to be unnecessarily and weirdly rude.

And he had the audacity to come back and tell her she should change her tone.

I still want to know how anyone can tell from the initial "excuse me" what this man's intended purpose was.

There are many options between being "pick me" and downright weird. But never on MN. It's either never open your door or get suckered into driving your neighbour's kids to school daily!

Assuming the guy was interested in you in the way you seem to think he was, he’s definitely dodged a bullet.