Rude or polite

[Dullardmullard]

I told him no

context is
a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

no meant I wasn’t interested
no meant no

I stand by my no, but some friends/colleagues said I was rude and I don’t think I was.

ive said not interested in the past and got abused verbally.

I normally have my headphones in but I forgot them this morning

Yep, let’s make a woman feel bad for trusting her instincts and refusing to engage with a man who goes on to berate her for not giving him the correct response to his chat up attempt.

You are so kind.

The man haters are definitely out in force on this thread.

And that means?

The misogynists and their Stepford Wives are swarming the thread more like.

Well done for giving him short shrift. I first had a man ask me out when I was 14, he was in his 30s. It’s like people forget women develop creepdar, we know what the creeps want, we don’t owe it to them to give them a hearing.

Why is OP a ‘raging twat’ for just saying ‘no’? She didn’t insult him or swear at him, she just said no.

The very fact that you’ve called OP a ‘raging twat’ for saying no is misogyny.

It would be laughable if it wasn’t so sad.

It really isn't, and that your worldview is so pathetically narrow says an awful lot more about you than it does about any of us who've disagreed with the OP's behaviour.

So can you explain which part of OP’s behaviour made her a ‘raging twat’?

Certainly. For starters: rudely responding "no" to someone who had only said "excuse me", purely because he was a man. Being rude to and insulting every other woman who disagreed with her actions on this thread. Employing the "AIBU/everyone says yes/no I'm not you're all just dense" method of communication. All twattish behaviours.

I also didn't call her a raging twat. I said "sometimes the woman is just coming across as a raging twat", and she really has here. It's not misogyny to point out that sometimes that's the case, and it's not a requirement of "the sisterhood" to defend another woman who's behaved like an arsehole purely because she also has a vagina.

I kid you not. I just saw a man go up to a woman and say" Excuse me" at a Tube station . She had dropped her Oyster card. Yes it's not a lonely bus stop. Nevertheless...
Oh also for pp who say people never ask the time or directions because everyone has phones, sometimes phones run out of charge. Or Google Maps is just plain confusing.

@Akamai you are determined to insist that women who disagree with you in this thread and others are misogynistic Stepford wives.

You have failed to answer the question as to why the two simple words "excuse me" merits a rude "no" in response.

None of us know why he said that. His response to the "no" might not have meant the OP wasn't interested in him, but to something else. There is a lot of projection on this thread.

So, I ask you again - why is "no" the correct response to "excuse me"?

But she was right, the man turned out to be a creep trying to chat her up. All she was no. She didn’t say ‘no, fucking cunt’. You calling women who say no to creepy men is so harmful and dangerous.

And OP has been very restrained in the face of nastiness on this thread. ‘Dense’ is hardly the worst word 🤣 People have insulted her about her spelling. Why don’t you call them raging twats? Why does OP have to nice to people insulting her?

I also didn't call her a raging twat. I said "sometimes the woman is just coming across as a raging twat", and she really has here.”

You are calling her a raging twat, at least own it.

Misogyny has become like tap water. Op was rude and this was not a normal interaction.

Not one single person said 'don't reject a man'.

You have failed to answer the question as to why the two simple words "excuse me" merits a rude "no" in response.

Who asked me that? No one has.

So, I ask you again - why is "no" the correct response to "excuse me"?

It’s not just ‘excuse me’, OP would have had the benefit of observing his behaviour. Maybe he was staring at her. Maybe he was staring at other women. She would also have seen how he approached her, and how he said it. Women can tell creeps!

And no one is owed a response. Even if he wanted to know when the next bus is due, she is not obliged to engage with him.

But she was right, the man turned out to be a creep trying to chat her up.

Were you there? He might have been trying to sell her something

you could of said you were not interested
he was offended I wasn’t interested.

In what? Why are you and the OP assuming he just wanted to chat her up. There is nothing in any of the OP's posts that suggest he was coming on to her.

He might have been trying to sell her something

Selling her what a bus stop? Drugs? Even more reason for OP not to engage.

There is nothing in any of the OP's posts that suggest he was coming on to her.

🤣 Seriously? His response is classic for a rejected man. ‘You could have just said you weren’t interested’, ‘I just wanted to get to know you’, ‘You could have been nice about it’. It’s all bullshit from men who think they’re owed a particular response from a woman they’e chatting up.

Not really, he still could have been trying to sell her something, talk about religion etc and was trying to pull her up on her rude response. However what we can judge by the OP's responses on here is that she is rude, aggressive and her ego CANNOT contemplate any other reason for him approaching her than that he fancied her!
People saying if a man did this no one would have a problem with it and women are being socially conditioned for men...wow! Of course if a man did this it would still be considered rude!!!!

Oh right, now women need to be kind to creeps selling them drugs or to weirdos trying to convert them to their cult. 🤣

I’m religious, we don’t approach randos at bus stops, people don’t like that.

Context is everything though. It makes no sense to abruptly say no in every situation regardless of context.

Good lord, of course there's nothing wrong with saying no to a creepy bloke, we've all had to do it. But there's absolutely no evidence in her OP that he was a creepy bloke. None whatsoever. He said "Excuse me". That's all he approached her with. A polite opener. She still has no idea what he wanted, because she jumped straight down his throat. She did that purely on the basis that he was a man, and those who've agreed with her have done the same. You're doing it yourself. Assuming he was a creepy man when there's no evidence to suggest that, just because he's man. Why do people think this is OK?

People have insulted her about her spelling.

I think they're suggesting that her telling of the story was so poorly-relayed that she's probably an unreliable narrator, more than insulting her about her spelling. Her OP and subsequent posts paint her to be an "and then I turned around and said" kind of person, and most rational people are never going to take that kind of story at face value.

You are calling her a raging twat, at least own it.

I didn't call her a raging twat. I would have gladly said "The OP is a raging twat" if I wanted to do that. Her behaviour in the moment and to everyone on this thread has been ragingly twatty, though.

This all day long!

I’m going by the OP, because I believe she is best placed to judge what was going on there, not you and others.

Her instincts told her to not trust the man and to shut him down straight away.

All she said was ‘no’.

And she was proved right because he was a creep. He didn’t accept OP’s rejection and berated her for not accepting his chat up line by saying she should have given him a response HE deemed appropriate.

I think they're suggesting that her telling of the story was so poorly-relayed that she's probably an unreliable narrator, more than insulting her about her spelling.

I’ve just read back and people are berating her for saying could of instead of could have.

If you think that makes her an unreliable narrator then let’s hope you’re not ever on a jury.

Good lord, of course there's nothing wrong with saying no to a creepy bloke, we've all had to do it. But there's absolutely no evidence in her OP that he was a creepy bloke. None whatsoever. He said "Excuse me". That's all he approached her with. A polite opener. She still has no idea what he wanted. She did that purely on the basis that he was a man, and those who've agreed with her have done the same. You're doing it yourself. Assuming he was a creepy man when there's no evidence to suggest that, just because he's man. Why do people think this is OK?

Thank you @AE9766
You have articulated this much better than my poor attempts.

He didn’t accept OP’s rejection and berated her for not accepting his chat up line by saying she should have given him a response HE deemed appropriate.

@Akamai How do you know he was trying to chat her up? It isn't clear from the OP at all. She knew what she was thinking but her attempt to tell us what happened was very poor and badly explained.

You have just assumed what his intentions were. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt because I wasn't there, and neither were you. Do you always assume the worst of any male who tries to talk to you?

The OP's story gives no context as to why the man was trying to talk to her. Some posters are projecting and reading that all he was trying to do was chat her up. We don't know that and neither do the posters defending the OP's rude behaviour.

Being polite does not make me an apologist, misogynist or Stepford wife. It just means that I am not rude to people who simply say "excuse me"

"Excuse me" is not a chat up line. What world do you live in that you think it is, unless you're also so presumptuous as to assume that every man that dares speak to you for any reason is coming on to you?

I think if I'd been spoken to like that purely for saying "excuse me", I may well have metaphorically (or verbally) stuck two fingers up to her too.

I'm not going to engage with you any further on this because your "it's a man, his intentions must have been nefarious" view is so blinkered and tiresome and there's simply no making people like you see any kind of sense or other way of looking at a situation other than through the lens of your agenda, but goodness, it must be exhausting being so indignant about this kind of thing all the time.