Large sum of money being given to sibling

[Zippy27]

To set the scene: there is a 12 year age gap between myself and my brother; I am the older sibling. My brother has had a lot of help financially with uni costs (I didn't go) including rent. I was given 5k from my parents for my wedding 14 years ago. However, my brother's rented accommodation has recently been put up for sale and the landlord has offered it to him to buy. He will have a mortgage but it turns out my parents will give him 90k for the deposit. When I say give, I do mean give - not a loan, they won't own part of the house - he is just being given it. It is half of their 180k savings. Both parents are retired. I have been told that when they make a will, it will state that myself and my brother will have half each of what they have BUT it will be stipulated that I will get 90k before the rest is divided up. However, as this may well be in 20 years' time, this doesn't seem at all fair to me. Who knows what their financial situation will be by then. My Dad justifies it by saying that they weren't in a financial position to give me that sort of money when my husband and I bought our house, which I'm sure is true, but surely this is still grossly unfair? We're not exactly living in a mansion and the house we have lived in for over 10 years still needs a new bathroom amongst other things. Would anyone else by severely pied off in this situation? My Dad explained that it isn't because my brother is "the favourite" (he is and always has been) but because he is "high maintenance". I am so hurt, angry and disappointed that I haven't spoken to or messaged my parents or brother since I was told about this 5 or 6 weeks ago. For context, my parents live across the road. They don't even give enough of a sh to contact me and find out why I have stopped visiting (probably because they know). Would anyone else be upset by this situation?

Bad janiie, you can't criticise the son and heir. He needs that money for reasons. Can't believe op is so entitled that she keeps her own salary without sharing it with him.

Please don't give them a second of help.

@Robinni I don’t know if you have been in the rental sector… but sometimes you will find that a 3 bed semi or a terrace is charged less than a 1 bedroom apartment in a complex usually due to the user charge and the fact that apartment complexes can come with a car parking space, gym or other facilities. well of course a 'fancy' apartment complex with all that will be expensive! Why does he need all that and not just a standard 1 bed flat?!

Poor man... the only options for him are a 3 bed detached house, or a serviced apartment complex, with gym, private parking and concierge?...😆😆

"Don't judge anybody....you awful greedy person"

"Some one bed apartments are cheaper than some 3 bed detached houses, therefore all one bed apartments must be cheaper than all 3 bed houses".

As this thread draws to a close, Olympic gold medal for mental gymnastics to @Robinni

You are right @mrsdineen2 a 3 bed in Grimsby will be considerably cheaper than a 1 bed in Maida Vale!

@DoreenonTill8

Where I lived when I rented - in a city - all the flats/apartments were more expensive than houses because traditionally there were no flats or apartments. It remains to be the case that a 3 bed terrace is about half the price of a 2 bed flat.

If you’re in Glasgow or London where flats and apartments are the norm and always have been fair enough they will be cheaper than a house.

But that isn’t the case in all locations.

Unless you have the brother sitting here explaining his health, why he has needed help, and what his reasons are for staying in this particular house.

And unless you have the parents explaining their side of things.

It’s hard to see the full picture.

Genuinely, I hope OP’s parents stick by their word of giving her £90k too, and that she is wise enough to make it up with her parents and go through the legal procedures to protect said inheritance and have it increase in value, if it is so important for her.

At the end of the day, hopefully, most people realise relationships are worth more than money.

Why are you the only one allowed to make unfounded assumptions about the brother? Diagnosing him with all sorts based on what exactly? Mad.

@Kinshipug

OP has stated her brother has a history of mental health, sensory issues and needing financial support.

But the main thing I am basing my assumption on is the amount of money involved and age of the parents.

If it’s 90k involved in the purchase of a property they will have sought legal advice.

They would only be advised to go ahead if it could not be seen as deprivation of assets i.e. it’s likely the brother’s issues are substantial enough that he is deemed to be ‘in need’. Whereas OP would have to wait until parents are deceased because she is not in need.

My brother is the golden child - he's had EVERYTHING paid for him (never paid a bill in his life - he's 50) and will inherit the £1m+ farm and I'll have nothing.

That's absolutely fine with me - I don't owe anyone anything 🤷‍♀️

My father is dying of bowel cancer now at 80, my brother is the one cleaning up the sh*tty sheets - I have nothing to do with them.

Their loss.

I'm the happiest I've ever been.

Tell your parents to spend and enjoy every penny - it's there's to spend, they worked hard for it.

You, earn your own knowing you're better than your brother.

You need to get your parents to ensure they understand that if they give a large chunk of money away to brother that if care homes etc are needed then they will end up in a council run home wherever there is space and they may not even be together. You won’t be able to afford the fees and unlikely brother will be helping in old age. They need to get financial and legal advice to protect their assets now in case one needs to go into care and the other doesn’t.
they will look to you to be their carer across the road.

money is a tough one particularly when you had to struggle and others get it handed on a plate. Try not to let it come between you but make it known you will not be bailing them out if they have no savings to fund their own repairs to their house. They could just buy the brothers house and he has the right to live in it until he wants to move or dies and then it becomes part of the estate.

I'm sorry, but you don't need help, your sibling does and your parents can. If they're 'equal', they can't afford to help your brother. They are already saying you'll get the first 90k off of the estate, when they can afford to match it. Perhaps a solution might be a percentage of their estate. For ease of maths, if their estate is worth £450k now, you will get 20% of the estate when the time comes, then you can also benefit from inflation. I think that would be a reasonable compromise?

Long story short, my sister desperately needs help to buy somewhere, and thanks to the early passing of our Father, our Mum has a penny or two more than she would have done. I have discussed at great length, trying to work out a way she can help them financially (we're talking 100k) but we can't make it work and less is not useful unfortunately. If my mum could free up 100k, I would be so pleased for my sister. She'd never get it back in her lifetime, and my brother and I would have to wait until she passed. But I'm OK with that, because I don't need anything at the moment. Obviously, 100k would be amazing to pay off half the mortgage or move to the next house on the ladder, but it's not at all needed.

I'm sorry, but I think you need to look at this from a different angle. You'll get the money later, but your sibling needs it now, and your parents can do this.

Look it up! You can’t just except a gift of almost £100K tax free….

Wow, just wow!

How entitled are you?

It's there money to do as they please. They don't HAVE to give you anything at all! They're retired, they should spend it on themselves to enjoy there retirement. They worked for it. You sound like a spoilt brat in my opinion. Make up with them, you'll regret it when they're no longer around.

I don’t need to look it up, as I am right and you are wrong. Anyone can accept a gift of any size and not have to pay tax.

There might be some inheritance tax to pay by the estate of the person giving the gift, if they die within 7 years of the gift. That’s not the problem of the person receiving the money though. And in the OPs case, as her parents seem to still be together and own a house, the estate would have to exceed £1,000,000 for any IHT to be payable anyway.

You can.

If she was a spilt brat she’s be the one getting £95k!

I don’t think it’s a bout the money but rather the fairly obvious favouritism shown towards the son!

I don’t think many people would find it fair if their siblings got an inheritance and they got nothing….. which could happen to OP.

It’s also very sad that they know they’ve upset you and haven’t bothered to contact you to check you’re ok.
mot wouldn’t be about the money for me, I’d be devastated that my parents didn’t see this as unfair…. They could put the deposit down but own a share of his
house, this way they’re helping him without gifting this huge amount, and their share in the house will grow, so on their death the share in his house will be matched by the sale of their property and op won’t loose out.

My parents would have said the same when me and my younger db was young but I recently found that they had given my db £30k ( almost all of their savings) about 5 years ago when he was having financial difficulties. Tbh it didn't bother me at all as he needed it. I am desperate for a new roof and bathroom but I wouldn't expect them to finance it. My parents in their wisdom don't have a will. It is neither here or there now as my db died last month and I'd rather they had left everything to him and I still had him.

You're not being unreasonable in how you feel,you can't help that. But your parents have tried to make you understand and feel better and what they have said is a valid explanation. The dividing of inheritence seems fair to me.

You need to get over this or you will regret falling out over money and ruining your relationship with them. Time is precious and anything can happen do you really want.to waste time arguing over something that was not malicious on their part. They are just trying to be good parents.
My younger sister regularly gets more than me and she other siblings, it's fine, she needs it more and I'm pleased our parents have been able to help.

For your sake as well as theirs try to see it from their point of view.
If you need financial help ask them but they are probably proud of you that you have been able to sort your own life out.
Life's too short for petty family rows that get out of hand..

Same. My brothers and sister get the mothers inheritance.. i get nothing, i chose not to put up with being mistreated with the threat of the inheritance being taken away if i dont tow the line. I feel relief being away from it all. I want not 1 penny and told her such. Money can be used to control, and some follow the money.

I'm in the same position- my parents gifted part of a house of a similar value to my brother but have made an equivalent provision for me in their will. They're in their 70s so health permitting they could have a good few years ahead. The reason is that my husband has mental health issues and they don't want to gift it to me in case my husband trashes our marriage with his issues, the marriage breaks down and he'd be entitles to 50%. The reality is that if it comes to me as inheritance that 40% will go to the tax man anyway so there's not that much difference, and the value of it to me now is far greater (with kids to support etc). But in the end it's their money and their choice. It really hurts that I don't get the same opportunity as my brother to make the most of that money at the time in life it would most benefit me, but it's their money not mine, it's not a right of mine to have it so I respect their decision and it is what it is...

I agree with this.

I agree with this, I'd presume they haven't got a decent argument for their actions and therefore don't know what to say.