Large sum of money being given to sibling

[Zippy27]

To set the scene: there is a 12 year age gap between myself and my brother; I am the older sibling. My brother has had a lot of help financially with uni costs (I didn't go) including rent. I was given 5k from my parents for my wedding 14 years ago. However, my brother's rented accommodation has recently been put up for sale and the landlord has offered it to him to buy. He will have a mortgage but it turns out my parents will give him 90k for the deposit. When I say give, I do mean give - not a loan, they won't own part of the house - he is just being given it. It is half of their 180k savings. Both parents are retired. I have been told that when they make a will, it will state that myself and my brother will have half each of what they have BUT it will be stipulated that I will get 90k before the rest is divided up. However, as this may well be in 20 years' time, this doesn't seem at all fair to me. Who knows what their financial situation will be by then. My Dad justifies it by saying that they weren't in a financial position to give me that sort of money when my husband and I bought our house, which I'm sure is true, but surely this is still grossly unfair? We're not exactly living in a mansion and the house we have lived in for over 10 years still needs a new bathroom amongst other things. Would anyone else by severely pied off in this situation? My Dad explained that it isn't because my brother is "the favourite" (he is and always has been) but because he is "high maintenance". I am so hurt, angry and disappointed that I haven't spoken to or messaged my parents or brother since I was told about this 5 or 6 weeks ago. For context, my parents live across the road. They don't even give enough of a sh to contact me and find out why I have stopped visiting (probably because they know). Would anyone else be upset by this situation?

Which is why I said in a earlier post that if they have made their decision, she has to make a choice, either carry on sulking and moaning to anyone who will listen getting more and more upset and bitter, cut her family out of her life and/ or get over it on move on.

Personally I would move on as being bitter and angry in the longer run does you no favours. And I understand how she feels being the older sibling who was left considerably less in a will.

It's a chat forum it's what happens. Folk ask others for their opinion. Maybe try elsewhere if that upsets you.

I don't need to know her awful sounding spoilt brother to say it is not fair that he gets 90k now and she has to wait years.

I never realised it was chat forum sorry about that 🙄

She is getting some terrible advice from people who don’t know the people concerned.. I personally don’t think this kind of forum is the best place for advice about something like this but that’s my opinion and I know others don’t share it.

@12345change OP has been given some excellent advice IMO!

Maybe you don't like it, but that's not important.

Actually I agree some of the advice has been excellent but lot has been 💩

Well why say talk to folk irl, she has!

She isn't getting terrible advice. There are different opinions and that is fine, people in a dilemma find it useful hearing other people's experiences. Just because you accepted the gross unfairness doesn't mean everyone wants to or can.

@12345change so you've no business telling OP not to ask then, have you?

I’m not - just expressing my opinion. That she would be better off talking with real people in rl.

@12345change which she has..

Comprehension issues??

I haven’t accepted the unfairness and if you had read my previous posts you would see that. It’s happened to me. Getting angry and upset doesn’t help

@12345change you may want to be a push over, your choice for whatever reason..... not everyone's though

You can do anything about it once someone is dead and the will is legitimate 🙄

Well, getting angry may not help but it let's the person treating you like crap know they are.

Sometimes we have to be assertive and say right fine do this shit thing but please understand I can't just be a doormat and pretend it's ok.

@12345change but you can still have feelings and they may be bitter?

And unless you've missed it OP does know and can and should make her feelings known!

Anything could happen before then. The parents seem fickle so I doubt it's safe from being spent on her spoilt brother. She should have it now. Disgusting to give one sibling a load of money amd not the other.

Read my posts… I’m not saying she needs to be a doormat but she has choices to make, getting angry and upset will most likely result in bitterness in the long run and in the immediate could cloud her judgement. Her choices have consequences and she needs to be sure she can live with it.

@12345change she's entitled to feel bitter! It's a valid feeling.

You be a doormat!

She lucky to know before hand I didn’t until my mum was dead….

Interesting, I was unable to discuss my mums finances, she died leaving will and majority to younger sibling.. don’t think calling me a doormat is fair but hey if it makes you feel better then on you go keyboard warrior!

@12345change but the point is OP does know and can let her parents know how she feels! She can choose to go no contact and she has.

@12345change keyboard warrior...... says someone who told OP she shouldn't be asking for opinions

This is kind of what I’ve said previously… but hey don’t let that stop you

I wasn’t being rude..

I'm sorry, that must have been so hard to find out .

I can understand to a degree that you won't let resentment overwhelm you, the person who did it is sadly dead so you obviously can't address it.

The op however does not have to make peace with it, she can carry on lettting her parents know how hurt she is. At somepoint she may be able to move on but if she can't then this all her parents doing.

@12345change you were bossy and condescending to OP AKA as rude!