Clare's Law - police visit, normal?

[MyPerfectHotel]

I have had some issues with a relatively new partner (8 months) which have raised some concerns.

On the back of this I have made a Clare's Law application.

Within 24 hours the police attended my property unannounced for a safeguarding check. I have since received a telephone call and been given some information which has sealed the deal for me.

However they now want me to come into the station next week to discuss their findings. What will this involve? I am feeling nervous about finding out even more information or will they just go over the ins and outs of what happened with the 2 incidents they have reported to me?

Thank you in advance.

• [Typo in title edited at OP's request]

Did we all go out with the same man?? Terrifying how many women get stalked/harassed to this extent. My Claires law disclosed he had 8 previous victimes. 8 separate women who were stalked/harrased/threatened/revenge porn/attacked. All of which when it came to court they were too terrified to testify against him. So he got off Scott free. These men need to come with a warning sign attached!

As a pp I'm 18 months on and still change my schedule. Please stay safe op!!!

I think you are under playing it for the police to be this worried he is a bit more than a cock, your child could be at risk.

Just to say well done you for listening to your gut, applying for a Clare's law, and then acting to keep yourself safe. You've done brilliantly.

@MyPerfectHotel How very frightening for you.
It's not remotely ''normal'' for a man's mother and sister to be contacting an ex partner.

{I really liked and respected a relative's ex wife, but when the divorce was underway, I didn't contact her}

Seems like your intuition was right- It so often is.

Always trust your instincts and that inner voice.

The Police sound pretty good in your case.

Ring doorbell is a good idea. 👍

Just adding my voice to the chorus of well done, OP. So glad you trusted your gut-I know how easy it is to minimise this sort of behaviour as I've done it myself, you being strong enough to do the Clares law check is admirable and I hope inspiring to any lurkers who need to see it

Just want to reiterate what other posters have said, OP, that you’re remarkably brave and well done for not only listening to your instincts, but also for being strong and ending the relationship. You are a great role model for your daughter.

I am so sorry about your parent.

Also, lots of posters raised a question about why these men can’t be branded on their foreheads when they’re dangerous? God, I so wish this could happen. Even a numerical brand scar like 001 for rapist. 002 for DV. 003 for child molester. Or a QR code. Anything!! These men are dangerous and disguise themselves as ‘good’ men time and time again. The price women pay is too costly. A quick branding iron to the forehead could save lives.

OP, I’m thinking of you.

Being asked to come into the station is just how some forces do it, I think. It doesn't mean there's worse to come.
I requested Clare's law disclosure for a friend. I knew it would show previous problems as her new partner was very controlling and unstable, but she was under his spell.

It took a few weeks to come to anything.

It turned out he did have prior convictions and warnings on his file, so I warned her they'd contact her, which they did by phone, in which they outlined he had issues, and asked her to attend the station to hear/discuss them and for advice.

I don't know what he'd done as the info was only passed on to her, even though I'd requested it.

She wasn't angry, I'd gone behind her back as she knew it was done from a place of concern and love, but unfortunately it didn't stop her from getting back with him (they broke up regularly).

He ended up beating her up, locking her in her house and smashing it up. She managed to get away, and the police and fire brigade ended up having to make her home secure, including giving her a panic alarm, etc.

Even then, because he was so persistant and back in the lovebombing phase, after a few months of staying strong and keeping away from him, he managed to talk her into seeing him a few times, but she eventually saw him for what he was as he could never keep up the nice guy act for long, and she has moved on.

It took a year or so, but he eventually left her alone and stopped stalking/harassing her, and now it's been several years without contact.

I assume he found another victim, and that's why he's moved on.

@MyPerfectHotel well done on seeing the signs and walking away. 💪🏽💐

Good on you for doing the Claire’s Law application, op!

The charges against him concerning her came to nothing as she wouldn't talk to the police as she was too frightened of upsetting him and giving him something to come after her for.

Like other posters say, these men should be branded or something so they can't hide behind their fake 'nice guy' facade.

@MyPerfectHotel you've shown your teenage girl that it's good to trust your gut reaction and that the police will take threatening behaviour against women seriously. These are both good things for her to know. You've also shown her that you will do everything necessary to keep her safe. You have nothing to feel guilty of regarding your daughter. She has an amazing mother.

Yeah they wouldn't disclose anything if it wasn't serious.

Ps is your username in ref: to the mobile game? Also a MPH addict!

something made you make the claires law application in the first place... clearly there is something amis with your new partner and you are being safeguarded. the police possibly want to speak to you, to ensure you are safe, to see if you want to make any formal complaints and also put things in place to protect you from a very clearly harmful person and his family

I just want to add a well done to you, too. I know that this will not have been easy, but you have done it!

Agree that they've done a great job, here.

He clearly has a pattern of behaviour and they want you to be fully aware of this so you can take steps for your safety.

It's so good to see the system working. All we usually hear are the stories of women being failed.

Hope you're doing OK, OP.

I had similar, broke up was NC for 5 years out the blue he sent revenge porn to all my neighbours/work.

Police weren't interested as "couldn't be him had NC to annoy him" don't trust the police ever since

@MyPerfectHotel Well done for having the strength to get so far already.

If any of your neighbours or relatives are keyholders for you it might be worth a quiet word with them to make sure your ex can't take them in with a story of why he needs the key or access. Peace of mind and all that.

Most women are very sensitive to the potential threat of male violence so actual acts of DV aren’t always necessary to ensure the woman toes the line. Coercive control is now recognised but it is not always easy to present sufficient evidence for conviction and a suitable sentence.Few stalkers seem to receive a reasonable period of imprisonment which will act as a deterrent and protect other potential victims. OP your ex may be in the group who the police know to be a significant threat but who have yet to be convicted.
Unfortunately some women will feel because there has not yet been DV that the police will not be interested so well done you in being proactive.

You’ve done exactly the right thing OP, I’m so sorry that the first person you took a chance on in seven years turned out to the a wrong’un. Do stay safe and alter those close to you.

Oh my goodness, these Wretched, beastly men.

I too had a lovely friend, she was living with a handsome but violent man whom she was ''under the spell of''.

It was absolutely awful- we tried to make her see sense, but she just couldn't see past his appalling behaviour, oh he could charm the birds off the trees if he was in a good mood- but in a bad mood, she was hospitalised a couple of times.

They split up lots of times, he has a dog that she loved, and he used the dog as an excuse to get back together.

They were separated for years....then bam..got back together again, and had a child.

I lost touch with her, and there is no online presence at all...I just hope she is ok.

Some women are ''entranced'' by men like this..They deserve so much better.

OP do go to the appointment and see what they need to say. It may be as simple as following up that you have cut ties, a further safeguarding check, or it may be to give you more information or ask for a statement. You just won't know and we can't guess, I know it must be hard to wait.

I'm glad you have a ring doorbell and have blocked him. Please have a further think about security. Routines/routes of yours and your dd's that you may need to change up to keep you both safe.

I once had an ex that approached my friends that he'd never met(!) and told them a secret I'd told him. I felt so hurt and upset.

I've had another ex "bump into" my mum when she was on a rare night out and she struggled to get away from him.

These men know no boundaries and their risk extends further than you. Review any times or places he may try to approach you/your dd/your family either in person and on the phone and try and troubleshoot.

At your appointment on Monday, ask the police what can be done if he doesn't cease trying to contact you. Get them to tell you the steps for things like restraining orders/injunctions just so you have that knowledge in case you need it.

Can you get some one to be with you after the proper Claire's law disclosure?
It will help as you will be feeling really shit.

They only disclose this information to help people leave unsafe relationships.

I know from experience. Take care

If you met him online can you contact the website for when he goes looking for further victims!

Please do not take this advice! It could put you in danger. Block the mother and sister. Let the police know you are being harassed.

What app is that? It sounds interesting!

Removed as was on wrong thread.