Clare's Law - police visit, normal?

[MyPerfectHotel]

I have had some issues with a relatively new partner (8 months) which have raised some concerns.

On the back of this I have made a Clare's Law application.

Within 24 hours the police attended my property unannounced for a safeguarding check. I have since received a telephone call and been given some information which has sealed the deal for me.

However they now want me to come into the station next week to discuss their findings. What will this involve? I am feeling nervous about finding out even more information or will they just go over the ins and outs of what happened with the 2 incidents they have reported to me?

Thank you in advance.

• [Typo in title edited at OP's request]

Even what he’s done with you sounds crazy, thank god you’ve broken up now.

I've got the ring door bell, I bought one the day after the visit. I have a great support network with colleagues and friends. Unfortunately my only surviving parent is terminally ill so I have been keeping it all a secret from family.

That was another reason why I became suspicious, it's almost as if he has been jealous of the time I've been spending with my parent because he changed when we got the news.

I own my own home and he doesn't and never had had a key.

Appointment is Monday afternoon.

Please step away from this guy...the police visited for a reason

Sorry OP, this is not normal or routine at all, I think they will tell you some serious stuff on Monday. You've done the right thing, be so proud you listened and followed your instincts!

Get the locks changed anyway. You don't know whether he has made a copy without you knowing. Not worth it.

im so sorry that you are having to deal with this at such a difficult time. Keeping it a secret from your family when you need the support, this really is very unfair onto of you having a terminally ill parent

Without trying to sound too scary this is a very strong and immediate response to a Claire's Law check and the poster who said he's high risk is likely right. Have a look at the women's aid website or a local organisation to you in the meantime. When you go see if you can take notes or bring someone as you might forget some of the information as it's likely to be quite overwhelming

Sorry you are having to go through this but well done for going down this route, many wouldn’t!

How old is your daughter? Hopefully young enough she doesn’t realise and a good distraction for you.

What is your relationship like with your neighbours OP? If it is good and you feel comfortable I would have a word with them and give them a little information about the situation.

That way they have a heads up, can let you know if he is visiting your street at any point and be aware that his presence is unwanted.

Your best tactic to keeping safe is to back off from the man slowly and carefully and tactfully bow out of communications with his family.

Improve the security around your home, work, social media and your movements, tell friends when you set off, where you are, text when you get home etc.

Avoid places for a good long time where he thinks you might be (the bars you previously visited with friends etc). I am still doing this after 18 months - it's fine, there are plenty of other places to go.

Keep a daily diary with times and details every time his family, or he, tries to contact you or 'bump' into you.

Hopefully he'll just dissolve into the background - it worked for me.

If not, the police will advise an NMO and you will have the choice to get this if you want.

Chances are, he'll disappear.

Good luck

Well done on your prompt action, OP.

And well done the Police. Nice to hear they are doing things well for once.

And yes another one who says thank fuck for Claire’s Law.

My daughter is 13 so is aware of some things. I'm so annoyed. After me and her dad separated I stayed single for 7 years and the first man I took a chance on turned out to be a cock.

I have some good neighbours, I grew up around here so everyone knows everyone.

Just for info…. I applied for a Clare’s law ref my partner (now definitely ex) and was told they’d do a check and get back to me. I’m still waiting for even a call from them let alone them turning up to do safeguarding.

i must add that this may be due to police being called to mine and him being removed this past weekend, but I shouldn’t think this would cancel out the Clare’s law request?

Well done for trusting your instincts OP.

I had an awful experience a few years ago, it sounds very similar. So many red flags that I ignored and then when I finished it, the suicide threats - pictures and videos - blackmail, calls to family members and workplace, attempted to tell my friends things I’d said about them - true and untrue - and basically tried to ruin my life. It’s absolutely traumatised me and I don’t think I’ll ever trust again. Sending all my love and I hope it turns out to be routine so you don’t have to worry any more 🩷

Realised my post was not helpful at all. I also had a ring doorbell fitted and when I went to the police, they said he had previous and I should be careful. Fortunately I moved shortly after although I still think I see him around my area which is unlikely as we’re from different cities. The police weren’t very helpful if I’m honest although I appreciate nothing actually happened. They said block him/everyone related to him which I did and I continued to update them when he would contact other people like my friends and family and they would of course block him. It really was frightening the lengths he went to. I had a breakdown when HR contacted me to say he’d spoken with them although they believed my version of events and were very supportive. They cause so much damage and don’t even care.

You ARE being rude. The way to honour her is to use the law to protect women, not to nitpick people in vulnerable situations.

Sounds like you are doing everything right to keep you and your daughter safe OP. I hope Monday goes well. Do you have someone you can take with you? You may need some support or someone to help remember all the information.

I had a very very similar experience to this years ago as well! Right down to the telling friends things I'd said about them and contacting family etc. I lived in another country at the time but we were both from UK so was even more bizzare for him to
Contact friends/family he had never met! Very strange men seem to do these things!

Maybe there is a case against him and they may want a statement from you about how he’s been with you. Think of this is soemthing you would want to do before you go there and they take you by surprise .
I think they will disclose their reasons of concern

Sorry you're having to deal with this OP. What a nightmare. What bothers me is that he'll move on and snare another woman who will have to deal with the same dysfunctional and dangerous behaviour. He, and men like him, should be branded on their forehead to save other women the trauma.

I've done 2 Claire's laws OP. Both times they were bad men & I was shocked. But the police never came out to my house so this is a massive warning. Take heed.

Oh OP, you must be feeling so unsettled. Even though you're a stranger I'm so proud of you for getting rid of him, sticking to it and getting a Clare's Law application done. I hope he fucks off now and that you can be safe and enjoy your home again.

I don't want to alarm you any further but do have a good chat with your daughter about any interactions she's had with him. It may be that he has offences against children in the past - they wouldn't necessarily tell you about that through Clare's law but having visited your home and found you have a young female child, there may be more they need to tell you. I hope not.

Sounds very likely there are significant concerns about this man that couldn’t wait until your appointment. Well done on extracting yourself so early on.

Well done for trusting your gut OP and going through with all this it’s not easy