Clare's Law - police visit, normal?

[MyPerfectHotel]

I have had some issues with a relatively new partner (8 months) which have raised some concerns.

On the back of this I have made a Clare's Law application.

Within 24 hours the police attended my property unannounced for a safeguarding check. I have since received a telephone call and been given some information which has sealed the deal for me.

However they now want me to come into the station next week to discuss their findings. What will this involve? I am feeling nervous about finding out even more information or will they just go over the ins and outs of what happened with the 2 incidents they have reported to me?

Thank you in advance.

• [Typo in title edited at OP's request]

How long were you with him?

I can tell you that it's DV perps who've often been subject to MARAC and MAPPA that are flagged up. I can't give exact details of how it works, but it will say something along the lines of "consider Clare's law for future partners".

IE, there is info they are prepared to share if they're asked.

I'm sorry lovely, he's got serious form if they're prepared to make disclosure.

I hope you're OK op, you sound really switched on, your dd is lucky to have you.

I'm glad we have Clare's Law but we wouldn't need it as much if we had proper sentencing! If this man is such a danger to op and/or her daughter, so much that police have to swoop in within 24h of her doing the request and she's advised to fortify her home, why tf is he roaming free?! Wouldn't it be safer for everyone if men like this were locked up. Grr

I'm sorry you're going through this, but don't be afraid to share (some age appropriate) details with your daughter. She's at a very impressionable age, and I think teaching her what is unacceptable in a relationship, that it's OK to end it if you're not happy etc.... is a good thing. It's shit that you're going through this, but actions speak louder than words.
Best of Luck 💐

This app might be helpful for you OP.

It basically turns your phone into a little personal safety device.
I installed it because I live in a remote area and it’s made me feel a lot safer when walking anywhere in the dark. You could also put it on your daughters phone just in case.
it records any incidents where you might need proof and sends out alerts if you are ever in a dangerous situation.

I wish more people knew about this app because it offers great protection if you are vulnerable.

From the limited details shared, this man appears to be very controlling and is mobilising his mum and sister - who may live in fear of him too.
Mentioning the police before concrete support is in place might not be the safest course of action right now.

I edited and I think it lost the link. It’s the Hollie Guard app.

Can you go and stay with family/friends until you meet with police next week? Someone he doesn't know the address of

So sorry you find yourself in this situation. I hope he and his obviously weird family move on since you hadn’t been seeing him long. How this his relatives justify contacting you? Anyway, good to hear the Police are taking your safety seriously 💐

Just to say very well done for trusting your judgement @MyPerfectHotel . Stay safe. 💐

Thank goodness you rang the police and you've dumped the arsehole.

Another reminder to change your locks. I've done it myself - honestly takes 5 mins.
Go to your local locksmith and get the replacement barrels, YouTube and you're done.
If he's got form (which he obviously has) it doesn't hurt to take as many precautions as you can.
How does your DD get to school etc? Are there any part of the day/evening she is alone? Might be worth re-thinking this for a little while, just in case.

Big Breath Out. You have done the right thing, and this is why we have the law.

You will be on edge for a while, there won't be anything concrete that will give you that sense of safety you require. There will be a point where you can relax in the future though.

The behaviour you describe is controlling and coercive. It's good to know you have the intrinsic feelings that can not only recognise dodgy behaviour but you are empowered to act on them.

It would be good to give yourself a "safe space" i.e. go to a yoga class for a week where there are other people there.

Well done.

You have done amazing OP!!! I'm so proud of you. 🌷

So sorry you are dealing with all of this. You deserve to be happy. 💝 I'm so sorry this guy was no where near the one. xx

Take care OP! Hopefully things will ease up with him if you can keep your distance and cut ties with his mum and sister too. At least on Monday you’ll have an idea of what it’s all about. It seems a shame they made you wait so long between the visit and the meeting though!

I think this man is pretty dangerous for them to have turned up on your doorstep within 24 hours.

So true.

Please OP, plenty more (fabulous, kind, caring men in this world).

Thank goodness for Claire's Law @MyPerfectHotel
You might need to take out some sort of order with his family too.
Take care

Another to say that a safeguarding visit within 24 hours is significant. Well done for protecting both you and your DD.

I’m so proud of you for listening to your instinct. Your daughter is lucky to have such a brave and selfless mum. You have done the right thing. You know you have done the right thing. What sucks most about this is second-guessing your own instincts throughout the process. Obviously this man’s family are never going to believe that he’s a bad one, but you felt it and you did something about it. You’re amazing!

Weird family is right. I can't imagine harassing someone who broke up with my brother. I am sorry, OP, it really sucks that people still try to defend men like this, instead of holding them to account.

Another thing I meant to say @MyPerfectHotel… My brother has a history of drug abuse and violence. I have gone NC with him because a) I have three kids to protect, b) He frightens me and c) I don’t like or trust him.
He was constantly enabled and justified by my mother and now that she is now longer with us, he has form for harassing various members of my extended family who STILL will not call the police, but insist upon calling me. I have to calmly tell them that he is not my child or my responsibility. He is a 50 year old adult who is considered to legally responsible for his actions -
not me. He is not a victim. They want someone to get him off their hands and out of their hair (because he’s always in their faces intimidating them, talking about himself (“poor me” stories) and nagging them for money) but they don’t want to be the “bad guy” for calling the police and calling a stop to it. They want that burden to fall upon me.
This could be what the family is doing with you. When he is with you, he’s not with them, so their life is easier @MyPerfectHotel.

Can I just say you sound amazing! It takes guts to trust your instincts and go through with a Clares Law app 💕💕

a family member has been in very similar position. There were a number of issues with the ex that included stalking post break up. So they wanted to give her advice on next steps and how to handle it.

Hi,
Just to add the hollieguard app is worth a look, and Susie lamplugh trust. Your local domestic abuse service are worth a call too they can usually offer 'help making home safer as well as support recovering and rebuilding after an abusive relationship

My ex turned nasty when my DMum was diagnosed with cancer. I nursed her and it was clear she wouldn't last three months. Three tiny months.

He went nuclear when I told him I was going to stay with her until she died. I had been with him four years and he had been difficult at times but this was the kicker I needed to end it with him.