Clare's Law - police visit, normal?

[MyPerfectHotel]

I have had some issues with a relatively new partner (8 months) which have raised some concerns.

On the back of this I have made a Clare's Law application.

Within 24 hours the police attended my property unannounced for a safeguarding check. I have since received a telephone call and been given some information which has sealed the deal for me.

However they now want me to come into the station next week to discuss their findings. What will this involve? I am feeling nervous about finding out even more information or will they just go over the ins and outs of what happened with the 2 incidents they have reported to me?

Thank you in advance.

• [Typo in title edited at OP's request]

I wouldn't do that. It could escalate things

Yes good point - if it’s texts you don’t actually know it’s the mother and sister- could be him borrowing their phones.

Thank god that service was available for you to use! Take care OP hope all works out OK.

Would it not warn him that the police are involved? How would it be better if he doesn’t think the police are involved?

Apologies if this is very ignorant - but in my experience when people know the police are involved they back off. But I accept that those have been motorist incidents etc .

Well done OP. They'll be wanting to make sure you have access to the support you need to be safe.

Yes normal rationally thinking people might. Other people don't care and it will wind them up

This is amazing that the law is working as it should do and protected OP. What a testament to Clare Wood and her father who campaigned for this law.

clares-law.com/why-is-it-called-clares-law/

Do not do this.

Yes back and front door bells and perhaps look at extra things like window locks & change the door locks in case he has copies. Just thinking worst case scenario and not to worry you, but as you don’t know what’s he’s done, I’d consider screwing my letter box shut and putting a tin box on the wall for the mail for this next week so he can’t put something through your letter box. Well done you for trusting your instincts. If you have to find yourself in communication with him just make out you have flu or something and aren’t going anywhere- up to seeing anyone at the moment, just to keep it calm and low key until you know more from the police. Can you go away to family/friends for the w/e?

Do you live alone? Do you have children? What red flags made you contact the police in the first place? (I ask because it may help a lurker follow your example. Don't give us any identifying info though).

I'm sure everything will be OK, but take precautions, just in case, that's only sensible risk assessment. Keep your phone charged and in your hand or pocket; get that Ring doorbell as soon as you can.

@Jux I have a young daughter.

Red flags were slightly controlling, "accidentally" turning up in the same bars I was out with friends in.

Turning up at my house despite me asking for a bit of space.

Suicide threats when I broke things off.

Hundreds of crazy accusations as to why I broke up with him.

So to confirm. He wasn't violent towards me which just goes to show it doesn't always have to get to that point

That's quite serious, you need to attend and find out what he is capable of, then you can assess what you need to do to keep yourself and daughter safe. Could be a well known stalker, or could be worse.

I've got a Tapo camera OP that I got from Amazon (was around £25) to watch my dogs when I go out... it's brilliant quality and you don't need the subscription like Ring involves. We have one now in the kitchen covering the back door and one in our hall way covering the front. It's hugely reassuring and you can set it to give notifications when movement is detected.

You've absolutely done the right thing by following your gut - don't engage with him/his mum/whoever and if needs be, change your number.

OP are council/ housing association? If so contact them and ask if they have a domestic abuse officer. If so tell them about this and they can help arrange some safety measures such as window locks, door jams, might even provide / lend cctv.

@Avatartar makes a good point about changing the locks in case he has managed to make a copy.

This.

What happens is you go into the station and they sit you down in a little room and tell you about his convictions for violence and predatory behaviour etc that are relevant to your situation.

Since they acted so decisively they may want to offer you help to keep safe.

NB leaving a violent man is the most dangerous time so think hard about if you can stay with anyone. Don't worry about it as anything you need the police will help you.

@Jux all worried lurkers need to fill in the Clares Law form on any police website and your local force will contact you.

Be like Nike and Just Do It.

You'll feel better once you have.

If you're wortied about your internet history go incogniyo or do it at a local library. Don't have a card? Ask at the desk and they'll sort you out. And get a card. Choosing a book is a great cover for untraceable internet.

Ok, I see what you mean. What do the police do - just tell OP and provide advice? Does he get spoken to if he’s continuing to harrass her?

I'm glad he wasn't at your home when the police came!!

That could've really given the game away and put you in danger!!

Sorry if I’ve missed it but not sure whether the visiting officers disclosed anything to you, but yes it will be to give you relevant information so you can be informed about this person and their past history and implement any relevant safeguarding if required.

If you have told them what you have posted here about him following you etc, they should take the report for this as well. If you haven’t disclosed this please do, as it sounds like what you have described is at the very least controlling and coercive behaviour.

Also, previous posters mentioned messaging his family, I wouldn’t do this it could provoke them or him and I would also err on the side of caution of blocking him until you’ve seen police as this could cause him to escalate his behaviour.

Make sure your windows and doors are always locked and ring 999 if you think he is anywhere near your house. Save all call logs and messages as proof.

Edited for typos

@MyPerfectHotel well done for doing this. Really well done.

Do you have a decent support network? Anyone you can stay with or who can stay?

As PP suggested change your locks. The police won't reveal details but they will likely tell you if it is conviction or convictions and they will check if you are safe. Please make sure you tell them you are being harassed by him and/or his family.
Block them all and auto reject withheld numbers, even just temporarily.
If you can get cameras for your doors.
It's a horrible thing to go through but never forget you trusted your instincts, you were right and you don't need a defective man. 💙

If they’ve given you an immediate disclosure (which by your description it indicates so) it would mean that they view him as a risky individual following a cursory check of his record. The next interview will be any further information they’ve found through conducting a more thorough check of his records such as PNC and any records held with other police forces if he’s ever been in trouble out of the local area. They’ll give you a form of words regarding his record, and then will signpost you to support services. The purpose of the meetings is to help you to make an informed decision about whether you feel this person is safe and suitable to be in a relationship with. By the sounds of it you’ve made the right decision in ending things with him. Attend the appointment, heed their word, and should needs be, make a report of your own if he’s harassing you/using other friends or family to harass you. Ask about target hardening measures they can take to safeguard you also, and I would engage with any IDAS services offered as although you may not feel as though you’ve been abused, they can give great advice on how to keep yourself safe. If you’ve not already informed them, disclose that you have a child at the address too. I hope you’re okay.

Oh OP this all sounds so intense! It sounds like you've really dodged a bullet and as a result both your and your DD will be so much safer. Take on board any advice the police are giving you and don't hesitate to contact them if he's trying to contact you, good luck!